Sestra Amateur:
In southwest Texas, an Arabic man prays, eats, drives, looks at pretty women and gets harassed by locals. He picks up a friend and they enter an art gallery right before it explodes. Was it their fault? Were they just in the wrong place at the wrong time? Doesn’t matter, because according to the opening credits, it’s a Skinner ep.
In the basement office of the FBI building, Special Agent Fox Mulder is showing Special Agent Dana Scully video of a worldwide phenomenon: Ear witnesses hearing trumpets “as if from the heavens themselves.” Dana seems amused by Fox quoting the Bible. They are interrupted by Sculder’s look – and sound – alikes: Special Agents Miller (Mulder Jr.) and Einstein (Scully Jr.)
Agent Miller, played by Robbie Amell, brings the Texas bombing to Sculder’s attention. The two Arabic men were responsible after all and nine people died. One bomber technically survived but he’s not able to be interviewed. Miller wants to find a way to communicate with the nearly dead Muslim. Dr. Einstein, played by Lauren Ambrose, thinks they should try to find some living terrorists to stop. She wins and the two junior agents (Milstein? Einler?) head to the airport. While waiting for their flight, they overanalyze their brief meeting with the senior agents. Einstein nails it, Scully’s in love with Mulder. They get interrupted by Dana, who calls Miller and arranges to meet him in Texas. At the same time, Fox calls Einstein and convinces her to stay. By the way, Scully is still holding onto her mother’s quarter charm necklace from the previous episode.
It looks like there are some live terrorists for Einstein and Miller to catch; one is creating a suicide vest while listening to hate TV. Einstein meets with Mulder and he tries to open her mind a little. She gives him a grammar lesson instead. Dana meets with Miller, relays her own personal mystery and explains how she can help Miller’s investigation with science. Fox explains mugwump to Einstein (Harry Potter fans will get it; I didn’t) that he needs to ingest magic mushroom so he can communicate with the incapacitated terrorist. He also claims he didn’t ask Dr. Scully to help him because of her recent family tragedy. Einstein refuses and off she goes.
Miller brings Dana to the suspect’s hospital room. Scully plans to hook up their suspect to a magnetic resonance imaging machine so she can chart his body’s unconscious reactions to her questions. Too bad the Department of Homeland Security has taken over the case. These DHS dudes are not playing by the same rules; Miller knows it and calls them on it. They leave as Einstein arrives. (I don’t think they got the timing of this one right. It’s not like Texas is as close to D.C. as Virginia.) She’s annoyed that Miller replaced her with another red-headed female doctor. Maybe she’s in love with Miller. Einstein plays hardball and calls Fox to Texas.
Dana and Miller don’t get their MRI machine until after Mulder arrives in the Lone Star State. But they get further delayed, bomb threats have been made to the terrorist’s hospital so now they’re on lockdown. Of course his nurse can’t be trusted, she turns off his machine so the test can’t occur. But Fox and Einstein interrupt her and she’s forced to turn the machine back on.
The nurse distracts Einstein with fake outrage over the immigrant situation while Mulder ingests the magic mushroom in capsule form. He trips his way through the halls, roads and into a country bar where he enthusiastically joins in the line dance of a particular one-hit wonder by Billy Ray Cyrus. You may start to question the authenticity of it after you see Fox’s “mush room” ring bling as well as Skinner and The Lone Gunmen at his table. He dreams his way into a dominatrix vision featuring Agent Einstein, then a whip-cracking Cancer Man until finally stumbling across the intended target. I feel like I’m watching an episode of Twin Peaks.
Scully and Miller finally have their MRI machine up and running. Miller talks to the terrorist in Arabic; the nearly dead man responds to his native language, not just Miller’s voice. Mulder regains consciousness. Assistant Director Walter Skinner is there and ain’t happy to have Fox tainting the bureau’s image yet again. Einstein arrives and claims she gave Mulder a placebo, not a hallucinogenic. Fox insists he talked to the terrorist, who spoke to him in Arabic. Walter is ready to ship Mulder back home. After Skinner leaves, Einstein wheels Fox out of his hospital room toward the entrance. There he sees the terrorist’s mother, who Mulder recognizes from his vision quest. Fox and Einstein bring her to her son’s room and she almost faints when she sees Shiraz's current condition. The mom claims he talks to her about his innocence in her dreams and prayers. Shiraz reacts to his mother’s voice on the MRI machine, then flatlines.
The four agents finally play catch-up. Mulder tells Miller what he heard. Miller translates the words as, “Babylon the hotel.” Fox may be on to something; the FBI’s SWAT team descends on the motel and arrests several members of a terrorist cell. Later that evening, Team Milstein downplay their contributions to this heroic conclusion. Einstein concedes how some things can be unexplainable. Miller does get the upper hand when he reminds his partner that she abandoned him first. Too bad no one caught the nurse who tried to commit murder.
Back home, Scully meets Mulder at his house. They go for a stroll and talk about the Bible. Then Fox hears his mystery trumpets “as if from the heavens themselves.” Too bad Dana doesn’t hear it. Wouldn’t it be ironic if Mulder was saved but not Scully? Does this mean Einstein would hear them and not Miller? Doesn’t matter; what matters is this wasn’t much of a Skinner ep after all.
I've heard a couple theories on the introduction of Miller and Einstein. Many thought they were going to form the basis of the revival going forward if they were accepted ... which they were not from the get-go. Others thought it was Chris Carter's little joke on the fan base, trying to get a rise out of us by pretending these two thinly veiled characters would be the new dynamic duo. Always a good idea to alienate your fan base. Of course, in his defense, fans have never shied away from voicing opinions on what we thought was end game for his show.
Turns out that's the least of the issues when it comes to this particular episode, which starts with certain Homeland tendencies. Well, it got that show, Damian Lewis and Claire Danes Emmys, so I can see why they just went with it. But "Babylon" gets racist before we arrive at the opening credits. It starts off revolting and doesn't really let up in that regard.
Maybe she challenges his B.S.: Maybe the introduction of Miller and Einstein affords the fan base that made snap judgments on Doggett and Reyes the chance to rethink that. Miller and Einstein's correlation is much more one-dimensional than our introduction to Mulder and Scully all those years ago. And it backs up the second theory posited in my introductory graph.
A little bizarre that each of the agents started working the case with his/her polar opposite, but I don't read anything into it beyond it being an obvious plot ploy. Dana's idea seems pretty valid, and one she probably could have shared with Fox. Scully's reasoning alone regarding the recent loss of her mother may have put her over the top, if in fact, Mulder showed any sign of hesitation.
Meanwhile, Einstein -- and distant relation aside, doesn't the flagrant use of such a name again seem like Carter messing with us? -- seems even more strident about not letting Fox get his two cents in than Dana ever did. Of course, that was before he let loose with the magic mushroom theory. I'll also give Einstein all due credit for delivering snappier patter than we've gotten for large stretches of the revival -- "I am getting a taste of what Agent Scully must suffer" and "I'll give you two minutes ... and then I'm due back on Earth."
My loss is your gain: Every time I'm in danger of getting something out of this episode, someone says something like "How do you say, 'Howdy, pardner' in Arabic?" I'm not prone to easily getting offended, and I think political correctness on the whole has gotten way out of hand. So why am I still so bothered by the goings-on in "Babylon?" Maybe it's because of the Homeland agents and nurse voicing odious ideas that belong in secret chat room discussions. I don't want to wind up in that nurse's hospital ... ever ... no matter how serious my condition.
So Mulder's deep-seated reaction to allegedly ingesting a mushroom was to line dance to country music? Well, it does make me laugh in the face of a really unenjoyable episode. It gives us the chance to see the Gunmen again, they're definitely missed on the canvas. The strapping of Fox to an alien bed seemed a lot more like what we would have expected from such a Mulder sojourn. The presence of whips, check, that fits his profile. And, of course, the Cigarette Smoking Man needed to be there, cause there's a lifelong obsession if ever there was one.
Did you ever think you'd hear Skinner say, "Dude, you're an embarrassment?" Maybe the second part, but not the first part. That said, Mitch Pileggi's delivery was pretty hilarious. Ya know, I kind of feel like I'm finally walking a mile in the agents' shoes while stumbling my way through this case. They're forever searching in darkness for answers they can't always find. Mine is an attempt to find a redeeming element. And I'm obviously trying too hard, cause Skinner saying "dude" probably shouldn't be the highlight of an episode about a bombing.
Wonders never cease with you: As it's a Chris Carter-written and directed episode, we could expect that for all his stumbles, Mulder will actually be right in the end. Even though he has a placebo instead of a magic mushroom, Fox can still propel himself into another person's consciousness -- and remember enough about the conversation to stop more insidious violence. Now that's what I call being open to all the possibilities.
A heartfelt discussion about what's wrong with the world between our leads does not undo all the damage done. Dana mentions "unqualified hate that appears to have no end," but when it's presented the way it has been here, it does more to give rise to that kind of thinking than to dissuade it. Wrapping it up in a pretentious bow with hand holding to soothe the shippers' savage breast doesn't exactly do the trick. I understand that shippers may contradict me on this front.
This subject matter can be presented well, witness Martin McDonagh's Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri, for example. But it isn't here. So ultimately, I come to the conclusion that, although there are X-Files episodes that are not my favorites -- Season 2 Episode 7's "3" with vampires in L.A. and the Mexican goat sucker (S4E11's "El Mundo Gira") come to mind immediately -- this one offends me as a human being and an X-Files fan. I'm dropping this to the bottom of my all-time ranking, with the proviso that it'll have some stiff competition coming up in the near future.
Guest star of the week: Initially, I was not taken with Robbie Amell and Lauren Ambrose, but they actually do fine with what they have to work with. I'm giving the kudos to Ambrose for her convincing deliveries on the "woo woo paranormal." The Six Feet Under/Torchwood alum is pretty well-versed in delivering all manner of dialogue and cracking the proverbial whip (and now the real one too).
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