Sestra Amateur:
The X-Files writers did our intrepid heroes a disservice in Season 7 by not writing another Christmas episode for them. I know the December holiday isn’t very “important” in The X-Files universe and the less-than-one-handful of holiday eps throughout the series proves it (Season 5 cheated by turning that one into a two-parter), but after the previous season’s amusingly disturbing "How the Ghosts Stole Christmas" (Season 6, Episode 6), how could they not at least try?
In Chicago, Illinois, nebbishly nervous Henry Weems is embroiled in a high-stakes poker game. His main competition is holding four kings. Henry, played by Sex and the City’s Willie Garson, is so naïve you wonder how he made it into this private game in the first place, with his plaid shirt and Members Only jacket. Henry wins $100,000 on a straight flush he obtained with five fresh cards and ends up thrown off the building for his trouble. But he lands in a construction shaft, gets up and walks away.
Scully arrives in “Chicago” wearing just her business suit. She meets Mulder, who is also not dressed for winter in the Windy City. They learn the poker party was hosted by mobster Jimmy Cutrona and witnesses saw the attempted murder, but Henry got away before police could identify him. Scully gives a scientific explanation that actually results in a condescending response from Mulder about luck. He really is in no position to talk down to Dana. Scully thinks Weems landed on a damaged laundry cart in the shaft. Fox searches the cart and finds Henry’s eye. It’s a prosthetic eye so don’t get squeamish.
Sculder use the eye to track Weems to his apartment. They get sidelined by a plumbing problem in the apartment of Maggie Lupone -- played by character actress Alyson Reed -- and her sickly son, Richie -- Shia LaBeouf four years before he got “discovered” in Holes. Mulder makes the leak worse and falls through the flooded floor but manages to find Henry. Cinderella’s eye fits perfectly, but Henry refuses to testify against Cutrona.
Fox is mesmerized by Henry’s creativity with cause-and-effect machines. (Think of the Hasbro board game Mouse Trap created in the 1960s.) Weems won’t budge, so Scully convinces Mulder they should hand off the investigation to the local feds. They leave and a hitman arrives to kill Henry. Of course, it doesn’t play out that way and by the time Sculder get upstairs to Henry’s apartment, he’s caught the “mouse” in a deadly trap. And Weems is in the wind again.
Dana tucks Richie into bed. The kid has a cause-and-effect machine in his bedroom that Weems made for him, so Henry clearly cares about the boy. After Scully leaves, Henry checks on Richie, who has liver issues. Dana hits a dead end on Henry’s background check while Fox somehow obtains newspaper clippings from a 1989 plane crash in which Weems was the lone survivor. Henry follows Scully’s unintentional suggestion and gets a winning scratch-off lottery ticket. But it doesn’t go the way he hoped and the new greedy winner gets hit by a truck instead. The convenience store owner came out the winner in that one.
Back in the apartment building, Hitman No. 2 shows up to kill Weems. but Mulder finds him first. Fox gets to witness Henry’s luck firsthand when this “mouse” shoots Henry but ends up killing himself and wounding Mulder. (I found it amusing that The X-Files produced an episode about dumb luck when FOX created a TV series around that premise but had trouble maintaining it for a full season. See Strange Luck starring D.B. Sweeney, 1995-96.)
At the hospital, Fox tests Henry’s luck with a deck of cards and Weems wins each time. He admits he’s trying to get money for B-Negative Richie’s experimental treatment program and decides to go after Cutrona himself. By the way, after Henry left the room, Scully had the higher card. Thinking the tide has turned, Mulder runs outside and sees Henry get hit by a truck. He lives and is taken to the hospital.
Meanwhile, Richie becomes jaundiced and is also hospital-bound. His mother is on her way when Hitman No. 3 shows up at the apartment and kidnaps her. Fox poses an interesting theory that everyone in Henry’s world (including Sculder) become part of his cause-and-effect life. Richie manages to save Maggie, kill B-Negative organ donor Cutrona … and nearly cause a citywide blackout. And that's where the writer lost credibility with me. Who would ever believe that a murderous, greedy mobster like Cutrona – one who had no qualms about throwing someone off a roof over money -- would be humane enough to give the gift of life to strangers?
Sestra Professional:
Maybe we had a Season 7 Christmas tale after all, if not the kind that announces itself in a traditional manner via eggnog and mistletoe. "The Goldberg Variation" originally aired on Dec. 12, 1999, and The X-Files didn't air again until after the calendar turned over 2000. We did reference Y2K a few episodes back with "Millennium" -- complete with a quick nod to Christmas from Mulder and Scully at a crime scene.
Still ... we do have a kid in this one and we have a kindly benefactor. All the trademarks of a Hallmark movie spun through The X-Files grinder. I'm going to consider this a holiday episode from here on out. Especially since it took waaaaay longer than usual for Sestra Am to lose faith, that's a gift right there.
We're starting to see a Season 7 vibe and it's kind of a painfully obvious, sensible one I hadn't picked up on before. There have been a few stories about people who have powers or abilities trying to deal with that in down-to-earth ways for mundane reasons. Frank Black in "Millennium" (S7E4) just wanted to be with his daughter; Tony Reed in "Rush" (S7E5) wanted some friends; Rob Roberts in "Hungry" (S7E3) just wanted his craving for brains to go away, and even went to an overeaters' support group to try and make that happen.
Straight through, nothing but net: At the same time, these stories aren't progressing the Mulder and Scully story very much. Our heroes are taking their standard stances and having their standard reactions, pretty much the same ones since the pilot. Even I have to admit "maybe he got really, really lucky" doesn't appear to be the most sound reasoning. Even though I tend to start from Scully's rational vantage point, I'll have to lean Mulder's way on this one.
Loved the set piece of Fox rising up from under the streets of "Chicago," although I have to think at some point Dana might just turn around, hearing a noise of that nature directly behind her. It's even more ridiculous to see Mulder pressed into plumbing duty and his literal fall from grace when that didn't work out so well. But then again, it's part of the episode's cause-and-effect, like literally putting my X-Files action figures into the game of Mouse Trap.
Something good happens to me and everybody else has to take it in the keister: So Scully liked the case when they were looking for Wile E. Coyote, she's less interested in backing up Fox's supposition that it has to do with the fortuitous guy with one eyeball. How she can not be interested when Mulder's making the case come alive? For example, the animated way in which he re-enacts Animal's demise, particularly the kicking in of the door, should be enough to do the trick.
It's an interesting notion. The single survivor of an airplane crash finds that the incident set off a swell of good luck for him ... and that unfortunate things happen to other people in his wake. Sickly Richie is pretty lucky Henry took a shine to him, so his luck isn't quite as bad as it might have seemed on the surface. (And it appears to have benefited LaBeouf too!)
I don't doubt the lucky streak would eventually end, I do sort of have a problem with the timing of it. Weems has been going strong since the plane crash in 1989, buuuut at this moment a decade later, he's petering out? With any luck, we'll be back focusing on our lead characters and leaving the one-off -- albeit interesting -- characters to flesh out the Life and Times of Sculder.
Meta mechanisms: Willie Garson also played Quinton "Roach" Freely in S3E7's "The Walk." ... The Complete X-Files points out Weems' contraptions were inspired by wacky machine designs created by Rube Goldberg. ... Bell's original concept featured a teaser of a guy falling 30,000 feet out of an airplane and walking away unharmed, according to the official episode guide. ... As executive producer Frank Spotnitz pointed out in the guide, ultimately there is nothing paranormal about the episode. "... Coincidences in life may not be coincidences at all but rather hidden forces ... luck may have a design all its own," he said.
Guest star of the week: In his second appearance on the show, Garson gives a tidy performance as the luckiest man in the world. The White Collar/Hawaii Five-O veteran has more than karma, he has the skill to put us in Weems' place and make us consider what we'd do if we crash-landed into a similar circumstance.
Sestra Amateur:
It’s a monster-of-the-week episode, and this week, the monsters are teenagers -- figuratively and literally. In Pittsfield, Virginia, 16-year-old Anthony Reed is hanging in the foggy woods with “cool” kids Max and Chastity (Supernatural’s original Meg Masters). A local deputy interrupts the fun, so “Maxtity” leave Tony by himself. Then something quickly and messily kills Deputy Foster when Tony isn’t looking. OK, that’s two weeks in a row the local cops are killed. (The P.I. from Season 7, Episode 3: "Hungry" doesn’t count.) Hopefully, law enforcement will fare better next week.
The next morning Sculder arrive at the local hospital where Dana is in typical skeptic-mode (it’s not an X-file) and Fox is in typical believer mode (it is an X-file). The metaphysical blunt-force trauma seems to lean toward Mulder’s argument. Sheriff Harden (Die Hard 2’s Marvin!) sides with Scully. He’s convinced Tony is the killer, despite the unusual way Deputy Foster died. Sculder meet with an agitated Tony and he covers for “Maxtity.”
Dana convinces Fox to treat it like a typical murder investigation, so they interview Tony’s friends at the high school. Max proves he has some type of supernatural ability when he successfully completes his scantron midterm exam in record time. Did I mention Max’s last name is Harden? Sculder try to interview Chastity, but Max intervenes and spirits her away. Meanwhile, Sheriff Harden tells Scully the murder weapon has disappeared. Mulder views the video surveillance recording in the evidence room and sees a streak. The Flash did it! The X-Files takes place in the DC Universe! I know, I know, it could be in the Marvel Universe. After all, they have Quicksilver. But I’m a DC girl at heart.
Tony is released from jail and returns home, but his mother is not happy. Of course, she doesn’t exactly ground him. Max shows up and takes Tony for a ride, then abandons him in a speeding car. Luckily, Max pulls him out right before it crashes. I guess Tony now has an idea of what is happening. The agents have the video analyzed at FBI headquarters. Their expert, Chuck Burks (last seen in S6, E22: "Biogenesis"), tweaks the video enough to support Mulder’s theory that a super-fast high-schooler stole the evidence.
Back at school, Max gets an F on his 100-percent-correct test, so he kills the teacher (Buffy the Vampire Slayer’s Cheese Man!) in a crowded cafeteria without anyone seeing him do it. When Sculder arrive, Max collapses and is taken to the hospital. The Sheriff/his father knows Max is involved but refuses to assist with the investigation. Tony, who still wants answers, follows Chastity into a cave in the woods. He stands in a well-lit area and start shaking uncontrollably.
Scully reviews Max’s test results and realizes he has the body of a pro-football player … not the muscular part, just the injuries. Meanwhile, Chastity takes Max out of the hospital just as Mulder puts two and two together. She finds Tony in the woods but seems genuinely upset to learn he was exposed to ... whatever is making them move so fast. Sheriff Harden searches Max’s bedroom and finds a dozen pairs of the same sneakers and the flashlight murder weapon. He confronts Max and he admits to committing murder. Luckily, Tony’s newfound super speed allows him to stop Max from killing his own father.
Chastity and Tony head back to the cave so they can recharge, but Max is already there with his father’s gun. Max drops it because he doesn’t think he needs it. Chastity shoots Max in the back, then walks in front of the bullet so it kills her too. Sculder, of course, arrive too late. Same can be said for the experts who find nothing in the cave that could cause the physiological effects exhibited by Tony, Max and Chastity. Maybe it only affects teenagers. Meanwhile, the cave has been sealed off with concrete, so I guess the investigation is officially over.
Sestra Professional:
For something that is supposed to move so fast, I've always though of this one as kind of dawdling. Maybe it's because 1.) high-school kids aren't the show's forte and 2.) Mulder and Scully just investigating things doesn't carry the same emotional weight as Mulder and Scully finding themselves in the middle of everything.
I'd say that Tony eats his Wheaties: But my resolution has been to give the bulk of Season 7 another chance, so the same applies for "Rush." Scully's reaction to seeing the dead body was priceless, as was her innate ability to snap back into investigative mode faster than Chastity taking a bullet.
There's something to be said for Tony pointing out it's been a long time since Sculder was in high school. Fox takes that pretty badly, retorting the 16-year-old needs to explain things more clearly because our heroes are old and stupid. But writer David Amann keeps going back to that well to pound his point home. So Max tells Dana she must have been a Betty back in the day. Of course, she doesn't really understand that pop-culture reference -- not because she's older, just because that's not her frame of reference. Tony's mom also gets a taste of ageism.
The sequences of Max testing his elders -- first with his teacher and then his father -- fall pretty flat. Mulder's right, he does have problems with authority obviously precipitated by his dad, the sheriff. The kid could have gotten away with a lot more by keeping it quiet. On the other hand, was his reaction to the mysterious alchemy causing him to overreact because of his body chemistry? Or was it just him feeling invincible because of his ability? If the former, Amann shows some real insight, if not perfect, follow-through. If the latter, it's less powerful.
I dig a mystery with layers: The exact opposite holds true when Chuck Burks comes in to give the agents the lay of the land. It's not just kids who have energy to burn after all. Thanks to him for discounting everything from a ghost to someone from a Soviet Akula-class submarine. Chuck's spectral-whatever-generator enables Sculder to realize they're dealing with a teenager. That's when Dana points out everything about kids' bodies changes during this time of their lives, and faster than Max can move, Fox leaps to psychokinetic Carrie ability. Then again, we have seen a previous X-file on this, "Syzygy" (S3, E13).
Gotta admit, that was a cool shot of Tony affected by the force in the cave. The whole scenario literally makes it more difficult for Sculder to get a grip on what's going on. But Dana closes in on it when viewing the X-rays showing the deterioration of Max's body as being akin to that of a race car driver or football player. And Fox didn't take his own advice last week in "Millennium" (S7E4) about how no one likes a math geek. He determines Max's movements through the law of motion -- force equals mass times acceleration.
And it all leads up to Matrix-y technology when Chastity shoots Max and then steps in the way of the bullet herself. Why can't she go back? That's a little unclear in favor of a cool-looking set piece. In my opinion, the whole fish-out-of-water plot of Tony wanting to fit in with Maxtity flops. Surely a good kid like him could have found someone else in an entire school to pal around with.
Meta movements: The Complete X-Files backs up Sestra Am's DC Comics assertion, stating the script was Amann's take on "The Flash." ... According to the official series episode guide, Standards and Practices made the show take out the shot of the table crashing into the teacher. Supervising producer John Shiban thinks that had the opposite effect on the scene. "But what they did not realize is that when you take out the impact, the audience's imagination is 10 times worse," he said in the guide. ... "Rush" was the lone series ep directed by Rob Lieberman, who helmed 1993's Fire in the Sky.
Guest star of the week: Bill Dow's been on the show nine times -- six as Chuck Burks, ranging all the way back to "The Calusari" (S2, E21). The sixth time -- his fourth as Chuck -- really was the charm. He really sparks what otherwise might have been a drab scene, and episode, as a result.
Sestra Amateur:
We may need more of Sestra Pro’s pro-ness than usual for the episode titled "Millennium." It ties into another Chris Carter series that ran on the FOX network for three years until May 1999. I haven’t watched that show, Millennium (don’t start getting confused already!), except for one episode that was linked to The X-Files ep "Jose Chung’s From Outer Space" (Season 3, Episode 20). To give you some perspective, "From Outer Space" is a funny, self-mocking tongue-in-cheek episode; the darker, more apocalyptic ep on Millennium – "Jose Chung’s Doomsday Defense" – was none of those things, but in the show’s defense (no pun intended), it probably wasn’t supposed to be. So Chris Carter brought his show’s main character, Frank Black, to The X-Files to give him some closure.
This episode opens at a Tallahassee funeral on Dec. 21, 1999, with 11 days left until Y2K. The grieving widow doesn’t know why her husband committed suicide, but an attendee named Mr. Johnson has an idea. When he’s alone with the body, Johnson starts stripping the both of them and chanting. He leaves an activated phone in the casket and closes the lid. Eight days later, Johnson receives a call from the man’s grave. Eerie, yes, but unless we’re dealing with the miracle of Chanukah, I don’t think that phone’s battery life would have lasted eight days.
A major upside to this: Sculder get out of the blistering northeast winter for a day to handle this Florida investigation. By the time Scully arrives, Mulder is already inside the coffin, which shows evidence of someone trying to claw his way out. The “dead” man, retired FBI Agent Raymond Crouch, left prints outside the coffin. There’s also a circle of blood which clearly should not have come from an embalmed Crouch. Meanwhile, Johnson is chanting and driving north through Georgia with Crouch’s barely animated body.
With the fun in Florida completed, Sculder head back to FBI headquarters to update assistant director Skinner. There’s a group meeting for this one, probably because it involved one of their own. Mulder’s theory is necromancy, the raising of the dead. The grave robber (Johnson) wore Crouch’s clothes to create a bond with him. Too bad no one knows why yet.
After the meeting, Skinner takes Sculder aside and mentions a link to the Millennium Group and their blood circle symbol -- the uroboros. (What is an uroboros, you ask? It’s an image of a snake swallowing its own tail to indicate infinity. Wait a minute, didn't Dana get that same tattoo in "Never Again" (S4E13)? She doesn’t even mention it! Maybe Scully’s secretly a member of the Millennium Group! She probably had it removed by the next episode.) Turns out, Walter has evidence that the same ritual performed at Crouch’s grave occurred after three other recent suicides across the country and all three involved former FBI agents. Good luck keeping that low profile, Fox.
Sculder head to the Hartwell Psychiatric Hospital in Virginia where Frank Black, the “greatest criminal profiler that Quantico ever produced” has voluntarily checked himself in for observation. Frank politely declines to assist on the case and goes back to watching college football. Meanwhile, Johnson is changing a flat tire when a deputy checks on his welfare and notices the decaying stench coming from the backseat. Johnson protects himself as Crouch’s corpse kills the deputy.
The agents and local police later find the deputy’s buried body (how long did dispatch go without checking on his welfare?!) Inside the deputy’s mouth is a quote from the Book of Revelation, a warning Frank Black subtly tried to tell Mulder. They return to the institution and learn Frank is fighting for custody of his daughter, so Black can’t let the conspiracy theories take over his life again. He agrees to unofficially help Sculder.
The four dead former FBI agents believe themselves to be the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse needed to bring about Armageddon. The grave robber (Johnson) thinks he is doing God’s work. Profiler Frank Black gives a spot-on description of Johnson, who is unnerved because the deputy’s body has already been discovered. Luckily, Scully is on hand to point out the true beginning of the new millennium is 2001. (Mulder’s response will probably be one of Sestra Pro’s paragraph titles.) Fox heads off to chase a lead, but tells Dana not to let anyone remove the staples from the deputy’s mouth. Scully doesn’t reach the morgue in time to warn the coroner, who is jumped by the resurrected deputy. Dana arrives and finds the unconscious coroner. And Johnson. And the zombie cop. Three bullets to the chest don’t slow the animated corpse one bit and he attacks Scully.
Skinner arrives at the morgue. Dana is alive, but scratched up. She agrees with Mulder’s necromancy assertions and claims Johnson stopped the deputy from killing her by shooting him in the head. Fox has arrived at Johnson’s compound in Maryland and tries to call Scully but he has no cell-phone service. (Amazing, this is the only episode in which our intrepid heroes actually try to use their cell phones. Too bad it still doesn’t work in their favor.)
Mulder finds an empty bag of kosher salt in Johnson’s garbage and is convinced he found his man. (Side note: I know I made that “blistering winter” comment at the beginning of this review, but none of the characters are acting like they’re in the northeast in December. Fox is picking through a garbage can outside with no winter coat or gloves and no one is even acting cold! So I checked the Baltimore weather for 12/31/99: high of 54 degrees, low of 30. Oh, and Los Angeles around the time this episode was filmed? Highs in the 70s-80s. Vancouver was way more convincing as the northeast United States.) Johnson returns home and sees Mulder’s car outside the gate. Fox goes into Johnson’s basement (without a warrant) and accidentally wakes the sleeping horsemen. Johnson locks him in, so Mulder has no choice but to shoot the corpses.
Dana, who can’t reach Fox, returns to Frank. Even after hearing about what happened to her at the morgue, Black refuses to help her. But he decides it’s time to leave the hospital and checks himself out. In the basement, Mulder is protected by a ring of salt but out of ammunition. (Wouldn’t an X-Files/Supernatural crossover episode have been entertaining?) Frank arrives at Johnson’s compound. Johnson is relieved to see him because Fox took out one of the horsemen with a bullet to the head. Now Frank can take his place (the horseman, not Mulder). But Black gets the better of him and duct-tapes Johnson to a chair.
While Frank tries to save an injured Fox, Skinner calls Scully with a lead to Johnson’s place. Black is physically fighting a horseman when Dana arrives. Fox takes out one and she gets the other. No wonder Mulder loves her, she’s always there right when he needs her. Later at the hospital, Scully arranges a reunion with Frank and his daughter, Jordan. Then Sculder watch the ball drop in Times Square on TV and share a Happy New Year kiss. By the way, the low temperature in Times Square that night was 35 degrees and I’m sure everyone there felt it.
Sestra Professional:
Understandably every episode of The X-Files can't be a classic. There are good eps, there are bad eps, ones to watch over and over and ones that I only see upon a full rewatch, but I rarely label any of them disappointing. "Millennium" is that and much less for me on a variety of fronts. I consider it the most disappointing episode in the original run this side of the ninth-season finale.
On paper, it must have seemed like a good idea. Chris Carter and company created a whole canvas for Frank Black on Millennium, and when that show was canceled before the actual turn of the millennium, that in itself was disappointing. So Black was shifted over to Sculderland to close out his story. And somehow, all the momentum built up in three tumultuous seasons of that show came down to some zombies in a basement and Frank Black firing a weapon in this one. It's not up to the level of Season 3 of Millennium, and if you're familiar with the fan base, you know the level to which I have just sunk.
Single-minded ... sounds like someone I know: I hope this episode didn't keep people who might have given Millennium a go from doing so. "Millennium" is not representative of that series, even in the latter's most maddening moments. And, strange to admit this in an X-Files blog, but Frank Black is probably my favorite character created by Chris Carter. He was truly an intriguing invention, written -- and thusly perfect -- for Lance Henriksen. Frank was a man who loved his family and needed his time with them because he had the amazing and frightening ability to see into the minds of people doing bad things. Was it supernatural or was he just that good? I tend to think it was the second one, but with Carter's track record, the first always seemed to lurking in the mix.
When the series was still kicking, I would have loved a crossover that brought Black into Mulder and Scully's universe. But judging from this "Millennium," it's a trickier feat than it might have appeared. Vince Gilligan and Frank Spotnitz gave it a go for Carter. Spotnitz had various producer credits in Seasons 1 and 3 and was credited with penning five episodes over that span, but not the second season that best defined the group's millenniumistic tendencies. Gilligan hadn't had any experience writing for the sister show.
So Gillnitz's idea was to disband the Millennium Group -- really, mere months before Y2K? -- and focus on four former group members who went their own way. That's why this doesn't work out so hot, although I'm strangely comforted by Frank profiling again. He's just so good at it.
Nobody likes a math geek, Scully: But maybe someone does like a math geek, because the Necromancer dude saves Dana. These are the things about the episode that don't hold together. Why did he save Scully and then leave Mulder there to an expected untimely demise? She doesn't know why, and neither do I, frankly. The fan fiction writers among us could definitely come up with reasoning for that, I'm sure. And although there is an interesting Dana reaction shot when the uroboros comes up, I would have liked a reference to her tattoo myself, removed though it may have been.
Scully does pose an interesting question to Frank, namely is the Millennium Group -- I'm not sure if she means just the Return of the Living Dead quartet or the group overall -- able to bring about the end of days? And if so, which would prevail -- good or evil? That's the question the series could have continued to address if it had been given more time and space by FOX. In fact, there are those among us still looking for a revival after all these years.
But "Millennium" the episode is just such a hot mess. I can buy the Necromancer thinking Frank Black could serve as a perfect fill-in as one of the Four Horsemen. And the spouting of lines like "There's no justice in this world, but there will be in the next" is something Millennium fans got used to. But the whole business with the flares and Frank, Fox and Dana battling zombies in a veritable basement shooting gallery, ugh. That's not Millennium nor The X-Files to me, nevermind both, and it never will be.
It's a solitary existence: Now to that kiss. And unpopular opinion time ... I'll admit that even as a no-romo, when this originally aired, I had a certain yet faint hankering for them to kiss. But the awkward, tentative nature of this one from two beings whose blood boils regularly boils over on the show and who have been through so much together felt downright cringe-worthy to me. Mulder's kiss with alternate-reality '30s Scully in "Triangle" (S6E3) had more going for it than this. Hell, David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson's outtake kiss in the hallway while filming Fight the Future beats this one too. It confirmed my choice to never see that part of the relationship, preferring that to be all of an off-camera nature.
If you ask me the classic moment of the episode was actually Jordan hugging her dad and their genuine smiles. Now that's what actually gave me all the feels. Y'all can have your Sculder kiss, I just want Frank and Jordan holding hands and walking off together as the clock ticks down to 2000. Because if they're together and it's the end of the world as we know it, then I feel fine.
Meta millennials: Henriksen expressed his displeasure with the end of Frank's story in Impact magazine in May 2009. "It's a reasonable X-File, but it's not Millennium," he said. Spotnitz backed up that assertion in the production notes for the episode on his Big Light website: "This was a terrible headache to devise -- we only realized after we'd committed to the idea how difficult it was going to be to meld the worlds of Millennium and The X-Files. It was not completely successful, I suppose, but still seems worth it for having brought back Lance Henriksen." ... Here's one from the "Before They Were Stars" files, future Academy Award winner (and three-time nominee) Octavia Spencer plays the nurse named ... aptly, Octavia! ... And, of course, because we're in a Gilligan episode, the morgue was located in Rice County.
Guest star of the week: Lance Henriksen, of course. On his show, Frank Black was the focal point of the universe. In less-than-ideal circumstances here and despite his unhappiness with the tale, Henriksen gives a performance true to the character that is as easily believed as the complete overhauls he dealt with at the start of each Millennium season. He still conveys looks that mean so much more than what's on the page, and deftly swings from the clinical nature of Black's gift to Frank's total love for his daughter.
Sestra Amateur:
Looks like we get a break from the ongoing mythology for this monster-of-the-week episode. In Costa Mesa, California, a guy at the Lucky Boy Burgers drive-thru gets into a pissing contest with an unseen employee insisting they are closed for the night. This customer just doesn’t take the hint and ends up on the menu while his car drifts driverless across the street. Not so lucky for him after all. And I must point out that his car has one of my favorite fake license plates: 2GAT123. Spotting that in movies and TV episodes is like listening for the Wilhelm Scream.
Three days later, it’s business as usual at Lucky Boy. Insecure Rob Roberts (played by Blindspot’s Chad Donella) is working the counter when our intrepid heroes stroll in to ask about the bloody "Free fer Friday" button they found in the murder victim’s car. All of the employees have their buttons except for Derwood Spinks (played by Supernatural’s Mark Pellegrino). Derwood makes himself a suspect, but Rob seems like the nervous one. Roberts discreetly listens to Sculder discuss the facts of the case.
Fox’s theory -- the victim’s brain was eaten. So are we looking at a Return of the Living Dead situation or a Hannibal situation? Rob goes home and throws away his bloodstained work shirt. Luckily, Mulder already suspects him and shows up at the apartment. Fox catches Rob in a lie and thinks he’s solved the case. But we still have 32 minutes to kill, so let’s see how they can drag out the story. Here’s one way -- show us how Rob starts to deteriorate without consuming brains. Let’s give him props for trying to control his appetite with gum and self-help tapes. Too bad a guy in a car keeps annoying Rob because that makes him the perfect dinner.
Spinks breaks into Rob’s apartment and admits to being an ex-con. He knows Roberts is the killer and blackmails him. I’m surprised he didn’t just kill Derwood right then, but there’s still 28 minutes left in the episode. Outside, Rob runs into Mulder, who unsettles him even more. Rob attends a mandatory meeting with Dr. Mindy Rinehart, played by Nashville’s Judith Hoag. Roberts attempts to control his hunger while trying to understand his own motivation for killing but leaves when Mulder calls the shrink’s office. (Nice going, Fox.)
Rob goes to work and pictures the cooking hamburgers as brains. Spinks arrives and upsets everyone while picking up his final paycheck. Roberts ransacks Derwood’s apartment looking for evidence but can’t find it. Spinks returns home as a hiding Rob reveals his true nature -- he’s not a zombie and he’s not Lecter. And he has a serpent tongue that stabs into Derwood’s brain. Afterward, Rob returns to Dr. Rinehart and admits he can’t control his hunger. She thinks he’s bulimic and tries to get him to attend an Overeaters Anonymous meeting. Aside from her Peter Jennings fixation, she seems like a nice lady.
Sculder are waiting for Rob when he returns home. They’re now investigating Derwood’s disappearance. Mulder thinks Spinks is dead and tries to push Rob’s buttons by referring to the killer as a freak and monster. But they don’t arrest him so Rob attends the OA meeting, where he runs into his nosy but nice neighbor, Sylvia. Rob shares with the group, but his hunger gets the better of him and he later eats Sylvia.
The next morning, Rob trashes his own apartment and frames Spinks. Sculder arrive but aren’t buying it. They’ve also learned the man in the car was a private investigator following Sylvia. Sculder leave and Dr. Rinehart shows up to check on his welfare. She confronts him about killing the man at Lucky Boy and claims she wants to help him. He reveals his true nature and Mindy takes pity on him. Sculder re-enter the apartment at gunpoint and Fox shoots Rob to death when he charges them. The moral of the story: Don’t be something you’re not. I guess this would be The X-Files equivalent of an afterschool special.
Sestra Professional:
As Sestra Am succinctly put it while forwarding her portion of the "Hungry" meal to me, there's not much meat on this one. That's OK, considering the season openers were so heavy. My brain felt drained from the weight of the information doled out in those episodes. It wouldn't have given RobRob much sustenance.
I tend to have fast-food cravings every six months or so, but when Vince Gilligan's bottle ep comes up in the rotation, that time period tends to get extended. I don't think Gilligan had that problem, this feels like a variation on themes he developed in the 1998 film Home Fries and later continue with in Breaking Bad. How long do you think it took him to come up with the name Rob Roberts, by the way? But that's the point of this episode. The tone seems to fall in direct opposition to the previous two episodes, but Gilligan doesn't overcook it and smartly plates some moral morsels on the side.
Grandfather clause, man: We start off with the gnarly-haired drive-thru customer threatening to call the franchise's home office if he doesn't get served. Seriously, at that time of night? Anyway, I was more concerned with how RobRob was going to get to the brains through that mess of Mick Hucknall hair.
I hope Mulder got a few weeks off from his problems before diving into this case, although it doesn't seem to be particularly taxing on him. Fox's "does that ring a bell inquiry" would have really landed if it was a Mexican fast-food establishment.
We'll have it our way: Well, Mulder didn't lose his sense for the more outrageous theories, diving right into the theory of the brain being slurped out like someone who gets a Shamrock shake after 11 months of waiting. Of course, he's right in various suppositions, if not the particular suspect at the outset.
But this is RobRob's story of internal turmoil with Sculder serving as the supporting players. Dana doesn't even get to go with Fox to RobRob's apartment for follow-up questions about discarded beef and dumpsters. It doesn't seem like motivational tapes are gonna work on this kind of problem. RobRob doesn't have your garden-variety eating disorder, salads aren't a viable craving substitute.
This is like 'good cop, insane cop': Prime suspect Derwood Spinks can't keep a job at which he wears a paper hat, but he can figure out who the attacker was before our heroes do. Can't have that, so he just had to go, although Derwood could hardly be considered brain food. Dr. Rinehart and Sylvia are too good to be true, but it's a bit of fun to wait and wonder if and when they'll be the next victims of RobRob's compulsions. Not quite as entertaining to see Mulder and Scully overcooked, but that's just because we're invested in them and their usually superior intellect.
RobRob's incredible confession at the Overeaters Anonymous meeting is the best thing on the episode's menu. Chad Donella feasts upon the words, did anyone else want to dig into a juicy steak at the conclusion of the ep? Fast-food restaurants may be out, but I think we'll be OK with something more upscale. At least that's the way I will rationalize it.
Meta entrees: David Duchovny was finishing up Return to Me while Gillian Anderson was wrapping The House of Mirth, so the duo was only available for a combined two days of shooting that week. That suited Vince Gilligan, who had hungered to write an episode that enabled the writer to "take a bad guy and spend enough time with him to understand him so that he becomes sympathetic," he said in the official episode guide. ... Director Kim Manners wasn't too high on the concept, according to Gilligan. "I remember getting really offended," the writer said in The Complete X-Files. "I have to say maybe it's best to give Kim episodes he really doesn't like because I think he directed the hell out of that episode." ... Steve Kiziak, who often served as Duchovny's stand-in, got to be in front of the camera as the private investigator of the same name. ... Gilligan delivers his usual shoutout to paramour Holly Rice via Lucky Boy manager Mr. Rice.
Guest star of the week: Donella chows down on the role, bringing to it exactly what Gilligan envisioned. Sure, RobRob's a monster, but at least he feels bad about his predilections. Through his weird eyes, we draw parallels between his dark life and our own desire to fit into the world.
The X-Files writers did our intrepid heroes a disservice in Season 7 by not writing another Christmas episode for them. I know the December holiday isn’t very “important” in The X-Files universe and the less-than-one-handful of holiday eps throughout the series proves it (Season 5 cheated by turning that one into a two-parter), but after the previous season’s amusingly disturbing "How the Ghosts Stole Christmas" (Season 6, Episode 6), how could they not at least try? 
Scully arrives in “Chicago” wearing just her business suit. She meets Mulder, who is also not dressed for winter in the Windy City. They learn the poker party was hosted by mobster Jimmy Cutrona and witnesses saw the attempted murder, but Henry got away before police could identify him. Scully gives a scientific explanation that actually results in a condescending response from Mulder about luck. He really is in no position to talk down to Dana. Scully thinks Weems landed on a damaged laundry cart in the shaft. Fox searches the cart and finds Henry’s eye. It’s a prosthetic eye so don’t get squeamish. 
Fox is mesmerized by Henry’s creativity with cause-and-effect machines. (Think of the Hasbro board game Mouse Trap created in the 1960s.) Weems won’t budge, so Scully convinces Mulder they should hand off the investigation to the local feds. They leave and a hitman arrives to kill Henry. Of course, it doesn’t play out that way and by the time Sculder get upstairs to Henry’s apartment, he’s caught the “mouse” in a deadly trap. And Weems is in the wind again.
At the hospital, Fox tests Henry’s luck with a deck of cards and Weems wins each time. He admits he’s trying to get money for B-Negative Richie’s experimental treatment program and decides to go after Cutrona himself. By the way, after Henry left the room, Scully had the higher card. Thinking the tide has turned, Mulder runs outside and sees Henry get hit by a truck. He lives and is taken to the hospital. 
Still ... we do have a kid in this one and we have a kindly benefactor. All the trademarks of a Hallmark movie spun through The X-Files grinder. I'm going to consider this a holiday episode from here on out. Especially since it took waaaaay longer than usual for Sestra Am to lose faith, that's a gift right there.
Loved the set piece of Fox rising up from under the streets of "Chicago," although I have to think at some point Dana might just turn around, hearing a noise of that nature directly behind her. It's even more ridiculous to see Mulder pressed into plumbing duty and his literal fall from grace when that didn't work out so well. But then again, it's part of the episode's cause-and-effect, like literally putting my X-Files action figures into the game of Mouse Trap. 
It's an interesting notion. The single survivor of an airplane crash finds that the incident set off a swell of good luck for him ... and that unfortunate things happen to other people in his wake. Sickly Richie is pretty lucky Henry took a shine to him, so his luck isn't quite as bad as it might have seemed on the surface. (And it appears to have benefited LaBeouf too!)
Guest star of the week: In his second appearance on the show, Garson gives a tidy performance as the luckiest man in the world. The White Collar/Hawaii Five-O veteran has more than karma, he has the skill to put us in Weems' place and make us consider what we'd do if we crash-landed into a similar circumstance. 
