X-Files S2E10: 'Red Museum' serves up a hot mess

Sestra Amateur: 

Today, we’re in Wisconsin cattle country, y’all. Beth Kane works at the meat packing plant. She goes home to her sons and an unknown man spying on her through a peephole. Her older son, Gary, takes a phone call and says he’s going out for five minutes. Twelve hours later, the cops find him traumatized and wearing only his tighty whities. On his back are the words “He is one.” 

Sculder get the case because several other teenaged victims suffered the same fate. Delta Glen Sheriff Mazeroski, played by Steve Eastin – who I know best as Eddie “He winked at me” Cicotte in Field of Dreams – directs Sculder to the Church of the Red Museum. Its members wear white clothing with red turbans. Their leader, Richard Odin, played by Mark Rolston – who I know best as Bogs “I could be a friend to you” Diamond in Shawshank Redemption – can type with his eyes closed. That’s not impressive; hell, even I can do that. His sermon speaks of soul transference and possession. Mulder refers to them as Walk-ins. I thought a walk-in was when I go to get a manicure but don’t have an appointment. 

Sculder and the sheriff are called out as non-believers. Clearly, Odin doesn’t know Mulder. Sculder and Sheriff Mazeroski interview Gary, who claims a spirit entered him. While talking to Gary’s younger brother, Stevie, Scully senses she is being watched but Mulder interrupts her. Sculder discuss the case over dinner at Clay’s BBQ restaurant. Sestra Pro probably loved the moment where Mulder wiped a glob of BBQ sauce off Scully’s face. After dinner, they stop the sheriff’s teenaged son, Rick, and his “gang” from bullying a teenaged boy from the Red Church. After they send the kids on their way, Rick’s girlfriend becomes the next abductee. She’s found the next morning stripped and marked while hallucinating bugs and birds. (Birds, birds, birds!) Scully learns from the toxicology report there were mind-altering drugs in the girl’s system.

Sculder return to the Red Church, but Odin will not allow the meat eaters to enter due to religious beliefs. The other members silently swarm around Sculder’s car. Mulder arrests Odin – even though he didn’t have evidence that the leader committed a crime at this point. During interrogation, Odin tries to change Sculder’s focus to growth hormones in the beef. Meanwhile, the church members protest outside the BBQ joint. No one does anything when Rick charges the group and flings a bucket filled with cow’s blood at the members. Nice town. The best bleach in the world isn’t going to get those whites white again. The Chinese restaurant across the street wisely stays closed during the fracas. 

Our heroes get a lead from an old man in a red pickup truck. He drives Sculder out to his family’s former cattle ranch and tells them the current owners are injecting the cattle with Bovine Somatropin – BST, a growth hormone. Guess the cult leader was right on this one. The old man scoffs at Scully’s naïve comment that growth hormones couldn't cause harm because they were cleared for usage by the FDA. 

Later that night, a UFO crash-lands in the woods. OK, it wasn’t a UFO but I had you going, didn’t I? It was actually a small airplane that lost oil pressure. Maybe it should have been an X-File, because the angle at which the plane crashed does not match up with the wreckage we see the following morning. However, I think that was just careless set design and not an actual plot point. What is important is the passenger list -- Dr. Larson, who died in the crash, was the one who delivered all of the teenaged victims. He also had a briefcase filled with cash and a vial containing an unknown substance. This convenient crash feels like the equivalent of Deep Throat or Mr. X providing exposition. 

Back on the BST ranch, Gird Thomas, the man who has been spying on the Kane family, leaves just before another man arrives and shoots Gird’s partner. There's something familiar about that shooter. Meanwhile, Sculder are interviewing Beth, who says Gary has never been sick a day in his life. Dr. Larson gave Gary and the other kids “vitamin shots.” Mulder sees light coming through the mirror and realizes someone has been watching and videotaping the Kane family for some time. Later that night, Rick gets abducted by Gird and is found the next morning stripped and marked – but also dead from a bullet to the head. Sheriff Mazeroski probably isn’t going to take his son’s murder lightly. 

In the car, Scully sees the shooter, but can’t quite place him. Instead of being a good investigator and attempting contact with him, she and Mulder continue in the opposite direction. This might have ended in Mulder’s favor if Scully just said something. Sculder interview Gird who admits to kidnapping and marking the teens who became monsters because of Dr. Larson’s original treatments. Not typical X-Files monsters but horrible people who rape and terrorize others. Gird, his partner and Dr. Larson were trying to right their wrongs by inoculating the cattle … and the kids. 

The vial analysis proves Gird’s account, but there’s more to it: The vial contained the alien DNA that Scully first saw in Season 1 finale "The Erlenmeyer Flask." And now Scully realizes why the man in the car looked familiar -- he’s the one who killed Deep Throat (and the one I referred to as UNK Man in that episode’s blog). Mulder tells Scully he wants UNK Man taken alive. Guess things aren’t going to end well for UNK Man. Mulder gets permission from Odin to hide the teens and their families on their compound. Sounds like the makings of a mediocre reality show: Walk-ins and Meat Eaters living together, wackiness ensues. 

Mulder goes to the meat packing plant and finds UNK Man about to torch the place in an effort to destroy evidence. UNK Man locks Mulder in, but gets caught by Scully and the sheriff. Sheriff Mazeroski avenges his son's death by shooting UNK Man several times and Mulder doesn’t get his answers. Of course no one can identify UNK Man -- after all, he is UNK -- and the substance in the vial breaks down so it can’t be tested anymore. As usual, we have more questions than answers. I’ll contemplate the episode more while enjoying a nice steak dinner tonight.   

Sestra Professional:
 
This episode is textbook early Chris Carter. The show creator has got something to say and his script is going to deliver it in the most heavy-handed way possible. (At least he gets better at it after attending the Church of Darin Morgan/Vince Gilligan later on in the series.)

It's kind of hard to tell the villains without a scorecard: Only problem is, in this particular case, Carter's going a bunch of different directions at once. Is this about Walk-ins not eating meat but being copacetic about violent revenge? Is this the physical reaction from a town that's been ingesting genetically engineered growth hormone? Is this about the dangers of a doctor with a monopoly on a small town? Or is it just the work of a creepy landlord?

Not to mention the time-tested X-Files way to clear this falderal up -- throw it all back on the conspiracy. The man who has been executing people here just happens to be the same shooter who took down Deep Throat. Scully's tests come back linked to Purity Control, which Mulder swears up and down is of alien origin -- although Scully clearly hasn't done enough testing to agree with that premise.

By the way, here are other ways to tell you're watching a Carter-penned ep. Are the words "mortal coil" used? Are references made to current events? Check and check. Here Scully mentions Colombian gangs using the hallucinogenic drug, scopolamine, to subdue kidnapping victims. Can't count on director Win Phelps to smooth this mess over, he only helms this one time. (Although props for the peep-hole view that catches Scully's eye, that's a sweet shot.)

For a holy man, you've got quite a knack for pissing people off: But back to the Walk-ins. It's like Carter had half an episode with the soul-transference believers and kind of shoehorned that in with the growth hormone and a pedophile. I do appreciate Mulder's knowledge of famous walk-ins (Abraham Lincoln, Mikhail Gorbachev and Charles Colson) and that even they won't take credit for Richard Nixon. I'm not sure Colson paints them in a favorable light though, even if he did find religion after Watergate.

There are some other interesting concepts in there. Technology enables cows to deliver 10 percent more milk, that puts "more meat on the hoof." And the ideas of these specific hormones causing the ridiculous amount of violence in town and a doctor who really has no competition conducting tests on the kids with vitamin shots. All these concepts I would buy in separate episodes. But you don't also need a stalker kidnapping the kids and the veganists. By the way, using the Red Museum as a control group doesn't seem like the brightest idea -- think none of them would ever sneak a hamburger like we did a candy bar as kids?

But then on top of that, Carter has to work the conspiracy back into the mix. Whew, it's exhausting. Basically the final third of the ep undermines everything that has come before it. So is Carter saying that absolutely none of those intriguing, intertwining ideas are responsible because ... (cue dramatic eye roll) ... yet again, aliens?!! 

Ribs like these, I'd say the Church of the Red Museum has its work cut out for it: Sestra Am, you have me all wrong. I am not a shipper who goes all a-quiver at the sight of Mulder and Scully touching. I am what was known back in the day as a no-romo -- meaning I don't particularly want Sculder to get it on. Nowadays, that's a rarity. The fandom has been overtaken by shippers. But much more on this in the blogs to come.

Guest star of the week: Lots of options from Sestra Am's "I know best as" crop, but I'm gonna go with Paul Sand -- who I know best from The Hot Rock and The Main Event. Landlord-turned-pedophile Gird Thomas is a severely thankless role, but he certainly gives it more weight than the script provides for him. And it's also markedly different from the sad-sack roles he completely inhabited in the '70s.