X-Files S6E15: Playing in the Petrie dish

Sestra Amateur: 

Anyone who has ever owned a house with a Homeowners Association will be able to relate to this episode. There are some condo commandos who take those HOA rules and regulations and enforce them in an overzealous manner that often feels like paper terrorism. Unfortunately for the residents of The Falls at Arcadia, they’re being terrorized in a different way. 

Dave Kline and wife Nancy live in a beautiful house inside The Falls. Their neighbors are smiley and helpful, maybe a little too helpful. Dave doesn’t like his overly strict HOA and retaliates by putting up a tacky lawn ornament he anonymously received in the mail. This results in some type of mud beast not only attacking Dave but leaving huge, messy footprints all over his clean, white carpet. Nancy’s going to need to call Stanley Steemer for this job. 

Seven months later, Sculder arrive undercover as Rob and Laura Petrie (there’s a generation of viewers who won’t get that in-joke) to investigate the disappearance of the Klines. (Lucky Nancy didn’t have to do the cleanup after all.) Preppy Rob and matronly Laura receive unpacking assistance from their entire neighborhood because, apparently, they’re in danger of violating the unpacking curfew.

The Petries' “possessions” are mostly crime-scene processing equipment that reveals some blood missed by the cleanup crew. Fox is the doubter here, he doesn’t think their disappearance is an X-file. Neighbor Big Mike Raskin, played by the always recognizable Abraham Benrubi, who I know best as Kubiac from Parker Lewis Can’t Lose, appears helpful but bolts when Dana asks him about the Klines. The neighbors talk about “The Petries” at dinnertime. Big Mike wants to provide full disclosure and gets approval to do so from HOA president Gene Gogolak. But that's just a ruse and Gene lets resident Win Schroeder know that Big Mike -- the “weak link” -- will be taken care of. (By the way, it took about 10 minutes of me repeating the name Gogolak before I remembered where I heard it before: It’s the last name of Kevin Pollack’s characters in The Whole Nine Yards and The Whole Ten Yards. And now I want to go watch The Whole Nine Yards.) The mud creature takes out Big Mike in a bloody, sure-to-be-an-HOA-violation mess on his front stoop.

The next morning Wil is hosing down Big Mike’s porch when “Honeybunch” and “Poopiehead” start asking questions. Wil invites them over for dinner that night. Sculder learn from Gene that Rob’s basketball hoop is a no-no in the community. That CC&R rule book is pretty detailed. After dinner, Scully and Wil’s wife, Cami, walk the Schroeder’s teeny tiny dog, who decides to go looking for Pennywise in the storm gutter. This allows Dana to find Big Mike’s caduceus necklace and wipe blood off the pocket-sized pup’s face. Luckily, the sewer creature lets them walk away. 

After dinner, Scully and Mulder discuss the neighborhood rules and Fox's effortless ability to annoy Dana with his bathroom habits. The next morning Mulder tests his theory by planting a plastic flamingo on the front lawn. It’s not there for long. Next, he sabotages his mailbox and waits. And waits. Three hours later, instead of peeing in his juice carton, Fox takes a bathroom break and returns to a straightened and cleaned mailbox. (I wonder what the monthly dues are for this level of HOA efficiency.) There’s also a threatening note in the mailbox that Mulder doesn’t even consider processing for evidence. When Fox is playing basketball in his driveway later that night, the Schroeders panic and confront him. The creature attacks Cami but doesn’t kill her. Someone – not Mulder – drags his basketball net inside the garage. That was nice of him … her … it.

Scully returns to Arcadia and almost clocks Mulder with a fireplace poker. This would have been a good time for Fox to joke about Dana’s previous attempt to kill him in "How the Ghosts Stole Christmas" (Season 6, Episode 6). Wil meets with Gene, who calls Rob a rabble-rouser. Scully shows Mulder the evidence she had processed. Turns out, it wasn’t blood found inside the home, it was ketchup and brake fluid (because brake fluid tastes good on everything). She also didn’t wipe blood off the dog’s snout either, it was a combination of other garbage. 

Fox decides to install a reflecting pool in the front yard, but he’s actually excavating to see if they can find the Klines’ bodies. Gene isn’t happy about it, but lets the Petries continue. Mulder unearths the Klines’ tacky lawn ornament which Fox determines was sent by Gogolak. (Apparently, it’s called a whirligig. The more you know.) Of course Sculder don’t see the muddy hand reaching out of the pit. It’s coming for Dana, but Big Mike shows up to save her from ... The Ubermenscher! 

Now let’s pause for a moment and learn a little about The Ubermenscher. My favorite translation of the German word Ubermensch has always been Superman, because I’m a DC girl. Philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche believed Ubermensch is the goal we set for ourselves to be better people. That would explain some of those insane HOA rules. And now, back to our regularly scheduled Ubermenscher attack.

Big Mike says the creature wants Laura because Rob broke too many rules. After finding Scully's gun, Big Mike -- What was he doing in her underwear drawer? Should we really be rooting for Big Mike?! -- shoots at the Ubermenscher. Meanwhile, Mulder confronts Gogolak and reveals how Gene summoned the creature with a tulpa (a mystical totem). Fox bring Gene to the Petries’ house, where the creature went inside and made quite a mess. Luckily, Dana was still safe inside the closet. Win and Cami do nothing while Ubermenscher kills sitting duck Gene. The creature dissolves back into the ground before Scully can see it. 

The next morning neighbors blame Gene for the disappearances. Now they’ll have to elect a new HOA president. They can even use Arcadia’s song "Election Day." (The generation that didn’t get the Petrie reference might get this one.) Of course, the real question is: Why would residents choose to live like this? I’ve seen some bad, strict, corrupt HOAs in my life, but only these characters would have the patience to put up with it. And that is more unbelievable than the existence of the Ubermenscher.

Sestra Professional: 

My regard for "Arcadia" has dropped off like a tiny dog into a sewer drain since the original series run. At the time, friends and I pored over the dialogue and the nuances of Dana and Fox's foray into domesticity for months afterward. But now it feels very bland to me, with a premise that neither makes the most of its comedic and/or intimate opportunities for Mulder and Scully nor conjures up a compelling villain. The far-better "Our Town" (S2E24) did this kind of thing much better in terms of creepiness, back story and even Sculder's rapport. Arguments could be made that this episode is the epitome of the unflattering X-Files Lite designation.

Is this place us or what? This seems more like the kind of gig Mulder and Scully would have been saddled with when they were on the FBI's sh*t list and under the direction of Assistant Director Kersh. But at least we get to see Fox in a pink polo shirt and Dana react to the dropping of a box labeled "china." Yawn. By the way, that kind of expensive FBI equipment probably should have been packaged better than loose in a big cardboard box. Skinner recommended this assignment for them? He knows them better than they know themselves. 

So, Rob and Laura Petrie, hmm. That might have been a bit of a stretch for a big portion of the original-run audience to recognize, but would definitely require Googling to realize it's a reference from The Dick Van Dyke Show today. And another wave will have to YouTube Sestra Am's reference to Duran Duran side project Arcadia's big hit "Election Day." In the meantime, I'll finish chuckling from Mulder quipping, "Woman, git back in here and make me a sandwich." That might be the high point in terms of humor this one has to offer.

But every community has its dark underbelly, don't ya think? Scientist Scully apparently can't tell blood from ketchup and brake fluid. Well, I can't really blame her because the attack residue we see looks more like blood than Heinz and Castrol. But Dana should try a little harder than using "Poopiehead" as a pet name, because if that doesn't raise eyebrows with the new neighbors, really, what will? Oh, Fox saying she's into UFOs and crystals might do it instead. 

Sestra Am is right, though, who in their right mind -- or even their wrong mind -- would put up with this for any extended amount of time, let alone consider such home life to be the American dream? It's one thing to help people move in. It's another to be trying to please some lethal entity by washing Hunt's and Lucas Oil off porches at all hours. 

The thrill is gone: By all rights, this should be more of a disappointing episode for Shippers. There was more sensuality in watching Morris Fletcher (as Mulder) and Scully sitting on a waterbed looking at an overhead mirror in "Dreamland II" (S6E5) than in the whole of a scenario that puts them together behind closed doors. All we get is Fox reacting to Dana entering the room with a face mask and the least romantic suggestion that they should share a bed ever. There was more sexual tension on Oz. Probably should have called Walter for some tips.

The fun -- or the possible fun Sculder could have had, and us in turn -- disappears altogether when the focus goes to the monster. That's even more ho-hum. Now Scully's perusing reports and Mulder's pulling back rows of topsoil. They also weren't able to, at first glance, determine the substance that looks like blood actually was Mercurochrome, coffee grounds, eggshells and motor oil. So by definition, yes, this episode is trash.

But I will give episode scripter Daniel Arkin credit for the reappearance of Big Mike. Usually when a guest actor vanishes in the early going, he/she/it is gone for good. Didn't last very long, but it's the thought that counts. By the way, Arkin went on to write and produce for the likes of Alias, Kyle XY and Star Wars: The Clone Wars, but other than the story for the sharp "Redrum" (S8E6), this show was his only credited contribution to The X-Files.

And how about the oversimplified conclusion to the proceedings? The Homeowners Association president dies, the monster disintegrates. Well, lucky for Rob, cause he was about to be torn asunder from his beloved (although he still doesn't know it yet) Laura. All of this would have meant more if we got some inkling of the fact that two people we've watched battle external and internal demons for the better part of six seasons had a realization or a moment that could be built on ... just anything of substance. 

So even as someone who leans more toward being a no-romo, I don't look back at this one as fondly as I once did. But it's still preferred to the two dogs we have coming up next. (Only one is literally a dog, but they both fit that category.)

Guest star of the week: There's something to be said for the sense Gene Gogolak made in wondering how Mulder was going to present his evidence about a tulpa committing the murders in a courtroom. Peter White did a fine job with that scene. We don't side with the guy, but we do understand his overly simplified viewpoint.

X-Files S6E14: Monday-morning quarterbacking

Sestra Amateur: 

“Monday, Monday, bah-daaaa bah-da-da-da” by The Mamas and the Papas. What a beautiful song. It keeps popping into my head because of this episode, more so than Jimmy Buffett’s "Come Monday." I’m also partial to New Order’s "Blue Monday," but they don’t even use the title in the song lyrics. 

Mondays are difficult for most people, especially those who work a typical Monday through Friday schedule. But this particular one has been even more so for a woman named Pam, played by gone-too-soon Carrie Hamilton, daughter of Carol Burnett. Pam's a stranger to us since she’s never been mentioned in any other X-Files episodes. But she’s going to get to know our intrepid heroes and Assistant Director Skinner clearly more than she wants to.

So Sculder are at the bank where Fox is depositing his paycheck. A completely mundane activity, one that is almost obsolete in this day and age. But something goes wrong, very wrong. Mulder’s been shot by a bomb-wearing bank robber. The SWAT team makes its entry and the crook sets off the bomb, killing our heroes and everyone else in the bank. So how did things go sideways? 

Let’s go back to the beginning of the day. Mulder’s waterbed has sprung a leak. Can you believe he still has that thing? He even kept the mirrored poster bed frame from "Dreamland" (Season 6, Episode 5). The water shorted out his alarm clock and cell phone and leaked into his neighbor’s apartment. (This is the exact reason renters aren’t allowed to have waterbeds. Good luck dealing with that aftermath, Fox.) I’m sure he’s wondering, “How much worse can this day get?” Much, much worse, Mulder. He misses the morning meeting at FBI HQ. Luckily, Scully is there to run interference.

Pam and her boyfriend, Bernard, arrive at the bank. There’s something very off about this couple. Bernard is nervous, Pam is … resigned. She’s repeating dialogue to herself that a normal person would not/should not know. Bernard -- played by Darren Burrows who I just loved in Cry-Baby but everyone else probably knows from Northern Exposure -- goes into the bank just before Fox, who needs to deposit his check immediately to cover the water damage costs. He stares at Pam, which startles her, because he’s never done that before. Bernie can’t get his robbery note just right so he whips out a gun and starts robbing the tellers. Mulder, who hasn’t revealed he’s packing, sees Scully heading their way so he tries -- but fails -- to convince Bernard to lock the front door. Dana enters and Fox uses the distraction to pull his gun, but Bernie shoots Mulder. Scully’s about to do the same to Bernard, but sees he’s wearing a bomb vest. Skinner gets the call and heads to the scene. Pam tries to talk them out of storming the bank, knowing it will lead to everyone’s deaths. SWAT charges in anyway and, well, you know how that played out.

Still not sure what happened? That’s OK, the episode resets with a soggy Mulder having a slightly varied version of his morning from hell. Too bad he doesn’t get the phone call from Pam, who tries to change the outcome by not going with Bernard, but that doesn’t work. Sculder also try to change fate when Dana goes to the bank so Fox can attend that never-ending meeting. But Mulder screwed up and gave Scully the check stub instead of the check. When he gets to the bank, Pammy tries to keep him from entering, but Bernie’s gunshot gets his attention. He sees the standoff between Bernard and Scully (Scullard?) and tries to talk some sense into him while Dana checks on the female gunshot victim. This time, Bernie activates the bomb before SWAT even arrives. So Pam’s intervention causes the deaths to occur sooner. That’s not a good sign.

Fox is retaining bits from the previous Mondays. He knew the landlord was calling about water damage and he’s maneuvering around the soaked bedroom a little better than before. Dana isn’t as good with the retention. Pam tracks her down at the FBI office to warn her not to go to the bank, but Scully’s just confused. She finds Mulder in his office where they discuss déjà vu and the ability to change fate or right and wrong. When Fox says he’s heading to the bank, Dana tells him about Pam’s weird prediction. Mulder decides to use the ATM instead. Nice plan, but it’s out of service. He sees an upset Pammy, who explains the day is repeating and she does not know why. She does however blame Sculder for the deaths, not her bomb-wearing, bank-robbing boyfriend. Fox believes enough to return to the office. Too bad Scully went to the bank looking for him. So Bernard starts robbing the bank, Mulder enters and Dana shoots Bernard, who blows them up. This time, Fox tries to remind himself to remember the bomb.

During the next reset, Mulder approaches Pam, but he still doesn’t really remember her. Inside the bank he notices Bernard and remembers “he’s got a bomb.” Fox calls Dana out of the boring meeting to retrieve Pam while he talks some sense into Bernard (Mulnard? Berder?) before Bernie even starts the robbery. Well, not so much as talk as give him a second gun to rob the place! Scully and Pam (Scum?) enter the bank and Pammy tries to convince Bernard they’re reliving the same day over and over. They get through to Bernard until he hears the sirens. Bernie shoots at Mulder, but Pam takes the bullet and dies. At least she’s no longer in hell. Bernard, who claimed he was doing this for Pam, surrenders without setting off the bomb. 

Tuesday finally arrives and brings with it paperwork for our intrepid heroes. No good deed goes unpunished. I wonder whether there’s some backstory fanfic explaining how Bernard and Pam got to that "Manic Monday" point in the first place. It must have been a really bad Sunday (that should have been their fun day, their I-don’t-have-to-run day)…

Sestra Professional: 

What a tragic story for Pam. Mondays will just keep repeating unless she dies. For the rest of us, it's a perfect bottle episode, showing that The Twilight Zone -- and, of course, Groundhog Day -- can be spun into The X-Files as easily as War of the Worlds and/or The Night Stalker.

At the center of it all is a bravura performance by Carrie Hamilton. When we talk about the best guest stars on the series, we often bring up those playing the flashy sociopaths -- Brad Dourif in "Beyond the Sea" (S1E13), Tom Noonan in "Paper Hearts" (S4E10), Robert Wisden in "Pusher" (S3E17), Nick Chinlund (S2E13) and the like. Occasionally, there have been splashy roles for Peter Boyle in "Clyde Bruckman's Final Repose" (S3E4) or Charles Nelson Reilly in "Jose Chung's From Outer Space" (S3E20) that garnered a lot of attention. Hamilton didn't even get an Emmy nomination for her work here, but she delivers such a remarkable depiction that we don't mind Mulder and Scully stepping aside to some degree.

In that respect, "Monday" is a lot like "Mind's Eye" (S5E16) in which blind Marty Glenn (Lili Taylor) was at the center of the action. But "Mind's Eye" isn't as much of a fan favorite as this one. What's the difference? Both were keenly directed by Kim Manners, who propels the action forward with some outside-of-the-box movements and crafty editing. "Mind's Eye" was written by Tim Minear, who only crafted two episodes during the show's run before going on to greener pastures with Angel and American Horror Story, while "Monday" was penned by two of the show's superstars, Vince Gilligan and John Shiban. 

Gilligan and Shiban's script finds a way to do what Minear's really didn't, it advances the story of Mulder and Scully even while they're roaming about in someone else's crisis. Obviously it's theirs too since they both die if a way out isn't found, but our protagonists can only aid in the resolution as opposed to coming to it themselves. So there's time built into the script to talk about the nature of déjà vu. Having our leads not speak the same words while covering similar terrain adds to the mystique of the subject matter. As Mulder points out, there are too many variables that can change the course of our lives. Everything is not slotted to repeat exactly as it had the time before and so what seems preordained comes with slight alterations. 

Did you ever have a day you just wanted to start all over again? And that also leaves room for comedic moments in an episode it, by all rights, should be much more difficult to do so in. Watching Fox battle his waterbed, deal with angry neighbors and trip over his own shoes certainly has its charms. It's very deftly worked into a show that started with Dana holding Mulder's bloody body. That point can't be driven home too many times. 

Fox's not so good at managing the money, is he? His check's going to bounce if he doesn't deposit his paycheck. I wonder what dubious occupations have eaten up all his money, it kind of boggles the mind to mull over the possibilities. But that's nothing compared to Pam's hell. She's lived the day hundreds of times (possibly even more than Bill Murray in Groundhog Day if she's tried absolutely everyone else). That's the only real flaw in an otherwise almost-perfect script, like Sestra Am said, it's the boyfriend who's the reason people die and not the two agents trying to prevent that fate. For example, it's difficult to believe drugging him or having him arrested wouldn't prevent it from happening.

I'm having the best damn day of my life: Perhaps you've considered a "Clyde Bruckman's Final Repose" scenario dictating the outcome of "Monday." Even though writer Darin Morgan has since said that the title character telling Dana she doesn't die was just a throwaway line in the script, fans quickly glommed onto it and bring up that fact every time Scully's life is in danger. I've always thought it was something Bruckman kind of said to Dana to get into her good graces, but if we utilize that theory here, the episode can't end with Scully dying because Scully doesn't ever die. That's a potential reason why the world might have been stuck in a time loop, at least until the outcome didn't wrap up that way. 

By the way, it's certainly good to see Skinner's glistening pate again, even though he doesn't have a lot to do here outside traditional FBI business. A budgetary meeting must be exponentially more dreary if you've already lived through it a hundred times or so.

Meta Mondays: In The Complete X-Files, Gilligan called "Monday" the biggest rush job for a single episode that he had ever been involved in. It was delivered in six days. ... In the official episode guide, Shiban said the premise owed more to The Twilight Zone ep "Shadow Play" (Season 2, Episode 26) than Groundhog Day. ...  It must have been déjà vu all over for Manners when he helmed the Supernatural episode "Mystery Spot" (Season 3, Episode 11), which followed a similar premise. In The Complete X-Files, the director said he approached "Monday" as though it was four different episodes and ignored the fact it was the same story. ... And if you're keeping up with Gilligan's references to girlfriend Holly Rice, there are two here -- she grew up in Cradock, Virginia, and her mother's maiden name is Bernard.

Guest star of the week: As mentioned earlier, Hamilton dazzles as the ill-fated Pam. Her horror at reliving the tragedy every single day of her life is palpable and heightened through the resets. Her character's beaten down by having to go through with it over and over again. And Hamilton gives it everything she has. It's far sadder than Pam's fate that we didn't have the opportunity to see a lot more of what she had to offer.

X-Files S6E13: Weathering another storm

Sestra Amateur: 

Every once in a while the timing works out and the episode we’re reviewing mirrors real life. This week’s show is about a hurricane threatening the coast of Florida. Of course, this is The X-Files’ version of the Sunshine State, so you’ll be lucky to see a blue sky and an aquamarine ocean. And it’s also one of those February hurricanes for which the Southeast is so famous. Funny how those two factoids make the episode less believable than the actual monster-of-the-week.

The production crew saved some money by placing the storyline on the Gulf of Mexico side of Florida in a teeny, tiny town in Collier County named Goodland. (Population 267 in 2010 according to city-data.com. Another not-so-fun fact: The residential value in 2016 was $456,816 but 18.8 percent of the population lived in poverty.) A mother and son board up their doors as Hurricane Leroy is approaching. For some reason, even though it’s pouring, Mom insists they need water. She’s aiming for a storm drain that’s bubbling over. Unfortunately, a gelatinous tentacle grabs them both. Looks more like Octopus Mala.

Darrin McGavin is back as Arthur Dales (He was last seen in "Travelers" (Season 5 Episode 15). He’s living in a Goodland trailer park (that government pension clearly keeping him in the poverty line group). Dales leaves Mulder a taunting office message to investigate this X-file before Leroy makes landfall. 

Sculder arrive and learn what happened at the Shipley’s residence. First, husband Jack was grabbed in the bathroom. Then, shortly after Sara called Arthur, she disappeared. Scully, ever the skeptic, thinks Dales' obvious drinking problem is a factor. He’s annoyed that Mulder brought a doubter with him. 

The agents go to the Shipley’s home, where Fox finds slime on the drainpipe. He liberates Reggie the family cat from inside the washing machine. Turns out the door Sara was boarding up didn’t lead outside, it led to the bathroom. 

Sculder’s “burglary” is interrupted by Deputy Greer, played by Joel McKinnon Miller who plays Scully on Brooklyn Nine-Nine. (And now you know the origin of his 99 character name.) Fox easily disarms him and Dana shows their credentials. Greer sheepishly agrees to help. Mulder tells Scully the Shipleys left the water running when they boarded up the bathroom door. (Maybe that’s how Guillermo del Toro came up with his bathroom sex scene idea between the human female and the amphibious male in The Shape of Water.) I wonder how much their water bill was next month. You know the water department had to be livid to find out no one was alive to pay it. The deputy sees flooding in the drain so he reaches right in there … and pulls out one of the Shipley’s shirts.

Sculder waited just a little too long to leave Goodland and now they’re stuck in town trying to find shelter. Greer has moved on to a welfare check in a condo complex. (He may as well have said “I’ll be right back” to the dispatcher.) For some reason, Reggie the cat has hitched a ride. The deputy finds a gelatinous residue sitting on the toilet and gets just a little too close during his inspection. A tentacle reaches out and starts choking him. 

Our heroes end up at the same condo complex. ("Car 54, where are you?" Oh, there you are.) They find Greer struggling to breathe, so Dana performs an emergency tracheotomy and calls for help on the deputy's radio. Fox interrupts a looter and finds a very pregnant, very angry woman and her wussy baby daddy. Mulder also tries but fails to rescue a dangerously paranoid resident. I feel like we have the makings of the world’s lamest superhero team here.

Scully tries to help Greer by pulling the opaque worms out of his neck. The Looter steals Dead Resident’s slimed-up watch. Paranoid Man starts shooting at the ceiling while The Looter takes the deputy's wedding ring. Preggo Woman desperately needs the bathroom so Dana finds her a bucket. (Talk about above and beyond the call of duty.) While Fox comes up with his own origin story for the creature, Preggo Woman claims it’s in the tub. Greer is gone but his clothes (and a box of Epsom salt) are all that’s left. 

They plan to leave but The Looter stole the deputy's car and Mulder gets attacked by a tentacle. Paranoid Man “saves” Scully by locking her inside the apartment with them. The Wussy doubts her ability as a medical doctor, but Preggo Woman goes into labor so Dr. Dana emerges to save the day while Fox struggles to breathe outside. Too bad he can’t give himself a tracheotomy. Luckily, Reggie is there to help him(?) Preggo Woman squeezes out the baby while Paranoid Man gets attacked by a tentacle. Scully orders The Wussy to shoot out the apartment’s sprinklers. (Freshwater vs. seawater is the only way to keep the creature at bay.)

The next morning, Sculder are back at Dales’ trailer with their perfectly clean, shiny, not-a-mark-on-it rental car. Of course, the new baby was named after the storm. And Arthur has a new appreciation for Dana now. I guess The Looter got away. I wonder if he tried to tell anyone what happened. Maybe some even believed him. It’s possible, because all the nuts roll down to Florida. 

Sestra Professional: 

I don't think anyone ever changed someone's mind when it comes to liking or disliking an episode, but I'll still be turning my appreciation of "Agua Mala" on full blast. A show doesn't have to be perfect in every single way to be enjoyed. So for all its deficiencies, I'd watch this one over the lame mythology that fizzled out in our previous two episodes -- "Two Fathers" and "One Son" -- every time.

The characters are stereotyped within an inch of their lines and the likelihood of a woman giving birth at the most inconvenient moment is ludicrous. But to start with, we get to see Arthur Dales again. He's a crusty old coot, ain't he? Just having The Night Stalker -- as previously mentioned that show was the biggest inspiration for this series -- in the fold again is its own reward.

So the mom in the teaser had it figured out. She knew they needed fresh H20 from the washing machine in order to negate the effects to the seawater menace. Good thing she and the husband were marine biologists. Or maybe that darn cat figured it out. He must be down to six lives by now. Reg-gie! Reg-gie! Reg-gie! 

The radio report warning of a hurricane making land from Naples to Fort Myers unintentionally cracks me up. Forty miles? That would make Leroy a tiny storm to be sure, but even such pinpoint accuracy should have fostered a bigger cone since the hurricane wouldn't exactly stop after making land there.

The bottom of the ocean is as deep and dark as the imagination: The scene between the Night Stalker, son of Kolchak (yes, another man now can factor into the who-sired-Fox mix) and Dr. Dubious makes me giggle for more planned reasons. Still, looking at what Dales has become can make us fear for Mulder's future. If dealing with conspiracy could make someone as sharp as Arthur turn to the bottle, what hope does our Fox have for the future?

The exchange with Deputy Greer is just as entertaining. Our heroes have survived so much that we too are not overly concerned when the deputy pulls his gun on them and threatens arrest. That, in turn, gives us a nice Sculder scene, and it feels like taking a shower after a particularly grimy day in the wake of the nonsense in the midseason two-parter to witness a lively exchange between our leads. Mulder's understandably enamored of Dales: "He's seen things that I've only read about." But Scully crests in with a perfect retort: "Because sea monsters can only be read about."

I don't need my mettle tested: The biggest bummer was having Greer rinsed out ... permanently. "Forrest Gump" was entertaining. His attack gives Fox and Dana the chance to do what they do best, though. Scully gets to use the deputy's Leatherman tool while Mulder discerns the issue and helps the others on the premises. Arthur tuning in to listen to his proteges is akin to a rainbow after a storm.

David Amann's second script for the series after "Terms of Endearment" (S6E7) provided quite the impression of all the nuts that roll down to Florida. The overly pregnant woman who hasn't married her baby daddy and doesn't resist any impulse to call him out on everything from choice of residence to lack of transportation. The militant shut-in who won't listen to reason and the unseen manager who doesn't respond to tenants' needs. Not to mention a looter who chose the worst possible place to go about his business -- uh, not sure how he was planning to get away with the television without a vehicle in the driving rain.

I think the deputy went out with the bathwater: The characters may be one-note, but I find the overall premise intriguing. One of nature's savage storms dredges up something that gets pulled into the plumbing and old Leroy prevents our heroes from being able to get away from the danger. When the creature attacks Mulder, he's in danger of suffering the same fate as Greer. Fox seems to put the pieces together, with the cat's assistance, but apparently Dana gets to be champion this time around. Dales is so impressed that he claims he might not have retired if he had someone as savvy as Scully by his side. So maybe we don't have to worry about Mulder's ultimate fate after all.

Guest star of the week: It should be Darren McGavin, but I can't resist giving it Joel McKinnon Miller. He's Scully too! Or Scully 2? I guess he would be Scully 3 since Vin Scully is the original. His performance as the lamentable deputy would have been the perfect screen test for his ineffectual Brooklyn Nine-Nine detective. He's yet another of the charms that turn the tide and keep me from considering this episode to be truly mala. Lots of agua, though.