It’s Valentine’s Day in Kansas and Sheila Fontaine, played by Saturday Night Live’s Victoria Jackson, has told the whole town about her engagement to Daryl Mootz, played by 1980s B-movie staple Clayton Rohner. Daryl insults her and leaves in a huff. Sheila cries which seems to cause rain (and hail) in drought-ridden Kroner. Drinking and driving while listening to The Carpenters, Daryl crashes his car and gets pelted with ice from above. I wonder if it was also a Monday.
Fast forward six months. Sculder arrive in the tiny, dry town to a welcoming committee consisting only of the Mayor, played by Dirk Blocker (Blaylak!) and a baton twirler. Mayor Gilmore thinks Daryl intentionally causes droughts so he can charge people for the rain. The agents go to the Rain King, Inc. office to speak with King Mootz. His secretary, Cindy, can’t defend him enough to the Feds, but provides our investigators with a client list (the up side of saying “please”).At the local TV station, Sculder finds Sheila, weatherman Holman Hardt -- and amusingly enough -- Mulder and Scully’s American Gothic doppelgangers. Hardt clearly doubts Daryl’s ability to bring the rain, but Mootz has mastered his dog-and-pony act for the desperate residents of a nearby drought-stricken town. You know, his “rain dance" reminds me of Elaine on Seinfeld. While Scully is in typical skeptic mode, the thunder rolls, the lightning crashes and the heavens open, drenching our intrepid heroes.
Meanwhile, Holman, who is clearly in love with Sheila, doesn’t understand why she still pines for Daryl, who was such a tool to her. Maybe she’ll find true love before the end credits. Later that night, Mulder watches as the wind picks up a cow … and drops it through the roof of his motel room. Now Sculder have to share a room because the motel is booked for the high school reunion. Hardt thinks a twister caused the cowtastrophe. Sheila confesses to Sculder that the cow’s death is her fault. She thinks she inadvertently created weather-related disasters at her senior prom and on her wedding day. Sheila explains how Daryl’s accident during the hail storm caused the loss of his leg. A local medic reveals Mootz crashed because he drove fast and drunk.
Fox thinks Holman is the one pulling the strings. Makes a lot of sense, considering how long Hardt has loved Sheila and despised Daryl. Sheila calls Hardt, but admits she likes Mulder. Better buy an umbrella, Fox. The next morning, Mulder confronts Holman, who claims he can’t control his powers. Sculder can't leave because of ill-timed fog, and in fact, Hardt is so desperate to win Sheila he asks Fox for dating advice. (The blind leading the blind indeed.) Holman talks to Sheila -- now claiming to be in love with Fox -- which causes a thunderstorm.
Daryl, who thinks Sheila is the rainmaker, goes to the station and tries to punch Mulder, who easily subdues the drunk King Mootz. Sheila rewards Fox with a juicy kiss … right in front of Holman and Dana. And now there’s a hurricane-like storm heading their way. But the show must go on, or in this case, the 20th high school reunion. Sculder sway while Hardt finally reveals he’s in love with Sheila. She runs to the bathroom, where Dana tries to explain Fox’s theory. Daryl comes in from out of the rain – taking full credit, of course – and tries to hit Mulder with a crutch, but the “king” only manages to subdue himself this time. Sheila kisses Holman and everything ends up fine. In fact, everyone kisses but Mulder and Scully, although the last time they tried that (in the 1998 movie ) Dana almost died, so it’s better they play it safe. You know, I really could have summed up this episode with one paragraph, but where's the fun in that?
Sestra Professional:
Last time, we pored over "Terms of Endearment" (Season 6, Episode 7), which I didn't like as much then as I do now. So this week, it's the polar opposite." I thought "The Rain King" was a lot of fun in the day. It's cutesy overload now.
If one episode alone epitomized "X-Files Lite" -- the moniker attributed by fans to Season 6 during the original run that still holds on today -- it would have to be this one. It really is the frothiest of X-Files concoctions. Yeah, it's kinda fun, but it's like eating a cupcake after having cake. It's a little bit of a sugar overload and you might hate yourself later. I think I got a cavity just watching it.We've had a bunch of Saturday Night Live alumni in guest roles this season -- Michael McKean, Nora Dunn and now Victoria Jackson -- and, for all their talents, that didn't exactly alleviate the comedy categorization. Taking note of them in the credits signaled once again we weren't going to be taking things very seriously.
If I'd have known you were bringing the missus... Season 6 makes a lot of references to domesticity for Mulder and Scully, and that's continuously and clunkily driven home in this ep. With a large portion of the legions of fans wanting to see more of Fox and Dana's personal relationship and the show holding the blatant romantic context to the alternate reality of "Triangle," I can tell you from personal experience shippers were tickled by these kind of allusions.
Speaking of S6E3, it too made reference to The Wizard of Oz. I know there's a limited number of stories that can be told in the world, but twice in a five-show span? I am willing to give writer Jeffrey Bell -- the first of his five scripts for the series -- credit for the cow crashing in on Mulder at the hotel. That certainly was unexpected. And Bell's basic concept has merit. I like the characters of Sheila and Holman and even get a kick out of Daryl (obviously with his good leg). There's even some depth penciled in for Mootz's assistant Cindy. It's just the wishy-washy piecing together of these ingredients that make me repeatedly roll my eyes.Director Kim Manners, as usual, finds a way to do something completely unique even in these environs. Daryl's car crash was, well, impactful and when "The King" does his dopey dance and rain falls down on our heroes, we almost feel like we should take shelter as well. In the official episode guide, Manners expressed regret about one thing, though. He said after the cow crashes through Mulder's room, Fox should have quipped, "Got milk?" Gotta agree with that. The best line of the episode isn't in the ep.
Despite Jackson's inherent affability, Sheila is too much of a dumb-blonde poster girl. There's a guy who treats you badly and that's the one you want to be with while there's a sensitive string bean you've known forever pining away for you? Some women just don't have taste in men. She's got taste in chocolates, though.I do not gaze at Scully: Even more ludicrous was Sheila's instantaneous crush on Fox. He did get more action from her than he has with Dana. Although maybe Sestra Am might be right, Fight the Future's almost-kiss was pretty hazardous to her health. But topping that nonsense was Mulder giving Holman romantic advice. Fox is brilliant about everything in the world -- except that. And Scully compounds the issue by playing Dear Abby. We've gone way too far off the diving board.
There might be something to be said for Dana's comment that "the person who is just a friend becomes the only person you can see yourself with" theory. Because ultimately this reasoning becomes my rationale for why the only person who should be with Mulder or Scully is the other. I wish I could appreciate it more being voiced in this episode, but I detest being hit over the head with it.
Guest star of the week: Clayton Rohner played a completely different kind of character than he did in '80s movies like April Fool's Day and Just One of the Guys. Back then, he was a charming -- if often geeky -- everyman. Here he was a snake oil salesman. If I find any saving grace at all to this one, it's because of him.
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