X-Fest 2: Best con in any universe

We interrupt our regularly scheduled rewatch blog to recap the action from last week's X-Fest 2 in Schaumburg, Illinois. And there was a lot of it. I wish every pop-culture convention could be as laid-back as this one at the Hyatt Regency.

You didn't have to be staying at the hotel to run into cast and crew from The X-Files. That happened a lot. It was fabulous to walk down the hall and say “Hi, Nick” to Nicholas Lea (Alex Krycek) or “Morning, Frank” to executive producer Frank Spotnitz. It did take some time to get used to that, all the fans initially were all bugging out over the casual nature of seeing Mitch Pileggi (Walter Skinner) with a bunch of Snickers bars, The Lone Gunmen (Bruce Harwood, Dean Haglund and Tom Braidwood together again!) and The Enigma (The Conundrum) at the bar. But no one bum-rushed people asking for autographs and selfies. I think the celebrity guests were given time and space that they wouldn't have gotten at an event not brought to you by This Con Life.


And that's how we all lived for the weekend. You may not have gotten a kiss goodbye on the cheek from Mark Snow, but then again, I didn’t pose for a silly selfie with Chris Owens (The Great Mutato/Spender/Young Cigarette Smoking Man) or get an “I’m hongry” phone call from Karin Konoval (Mrs. Peacock/Judy/Chucky/Madame Zelda). Which is not to say I don’t have Chris and Karin stories from outside the con doors, ‘cause I do.

At one point, you stop counting the times you said "hi" or rode the elevators with the celebs. Well, except for the time Sestra Am and I were trying to go down to the show floor, accidentally got in the elevator going up and "picked up" Larry Musser (Detective Manners/Jack Bonsaint/Denny Markham/Sheriff John Oaks) on the floor above us.

OK, even when sleep deprived, I remember initially seeing Dean Haglund smirk at my "Get in Loser" t-shirt at the elevator. But I recovered when Chris Owens came our way, and he remembered us before the show even opened when we bumped into each other again.

After spending the day at Wrigley Field, we started X-Fest by watching the trivia competition and rooting for the friends I met at the inaugural con and two sets of X-Cast teams. There was something deeply weird about the buzzers on the right side of the dais, but it was a fun way to get underway. Maybe the questions should get tougher as the rounds progress.

We had no idea what to expect from The Enigma's show, but it was a fascinating blend of really gross things and humor. He swallowed a sword and a light saber -- I found it particularly funny that he could do that but didn't want to ingest hair from his costume wig. The Enigma hammered and drilled nails into his nose. He inhaled a condom through his nose and exhaled it through his mouth, and then the reverse. There was a prolonged bit involving draining blue and yellow Gatorade through tubes, inevitably returning it to the bottle as green before drinking that too. E put hooks in his face and blindfolded himself while hanging a running chainsaw from them. He became a human Lite-Brite. At least he has a great motto -- "Safety third. Fame and fortune first."

After that part of the program, we watched his Season 2 episode "Humbug" and he hosted a question-and-answer session. I just had to ask -- quoting from the ep -- "Are you one of those rare individuals whose nerve endings don't feel pain?" E shook his tattooed head "no" and told us about his history. After being raised on private lessons, he discovered sideshows and a willingness to give his life for magic. "Even though it's silly and funny, it's my life and all that," he said. "Sometimes you have to give up your life to be who you are."

The Enigma told us his look all started because he wanted to be blue and about 250 artists from around the world have contributed puzzle-piece tattoos. Darin Morgan based "Humbug" on him and others in his sideshow, giving artistic credibility to them and The X-Files. He recalled meeting director Kim Manners (the five-star hotel wouldn't let him in the bar because of his facial piercing). He further detailed that he didn't actually eat a fish and how cold it was to be filming soaking wet and wearing just a piece of leather. And he came up with the best fan fiction idea I've ever heard -- The Conundrum vs. Flukeman.

We started Day 2 in an intimate breakfast with Frank Spotnitz. After asking the attendees about ourselves, he told us about the episodes that never got written -- more great fan fiction ideas! -- a guy who died tells Scully there is no God, and the one I always waited for, a Krycek episode. I wish I asked him more about what the idea was for that one.

I always ask people who have worked with the late, great Kim Manners -- who directed more episodes of The X-Files than anyone else -- about him. Frank teared up right away. "I loved him, we all did," he said. He described Kim's the best way I've ever heard, that he was an "emotional camera," always looking for the power in the scene. Spotnitz has remembered that ever since and has never seen anyone capture moments to the degree Manners consistently did it.

According to Frank, show creator Chris Carter's original plan was for the show to last five years and Mulder would find his sister, Samantha, at the end. Ultimately, the end of the regular run proved to be a bit of a disappointment. "It wrapped up the plot. It didn't wrap up the emotional journey," he said. "In our defense, it would have been really tough to do that."

Wow...@FrankSpotnitz sharing some amazing stories!#XFest19 pic.twitter.com/uxDUiPsiQg

— X-Fest (@xfestcon) June 8, 2019

Spotnitz was very forthright about how I Want to Believe was never intended to be the end of The X-Files. He was disappointed he couldn't work on the revival since he was helming The Man in the High Castle and expressed great surprise over the ultimate ending of the show. In a finale, he said, you have to give the viewers what they want, but you also have to have a level of surprise. "What [Chris] did was none of those things," he admitted. "I think he went way into the 'surprise the audience' side. He was trying to keep the show new and vital." He stopped short of dumping on it, but added it wasn't the way he would have gone with it.

Frank, who ran the writers' room, said fans ultimately helped make the series what it was. "They remembered everything," he said. "So we pushed ourselves to be as smart as we could. I think that's why a lot of the writers have gone on to have great careers." He credited the friendly directorial rivalry between Manners and Rob Bowman for the visual sophistication of the early years. "Chris set this work ethic in place. Those of us who stayed thrived," he said.

Spotnitz was the one who was able to induce Darren McGavin onto the show. Kolchak had been an inspiration to Carter as The Night Stalker, but initially he considered The X-Files a ripoff of his program. Frank and John Shiban wrote Season 4's "Travelers" as an homage to The Night Stalker, with McGavin's Agent Dales initially discovering the X-files in the '50s.

After recapping the breakfast on the X-Cast podcast, the Sestras set out to start a frenzied day split between the autograph room and the professional photo ops included in the platinum package. For years, I've been working on "The X-Files Yearbook Project," getting as many autographs from people involved in the show in my copy of The Complete X-Files. X-Fest 2 was a veritable supermarket to that end.

We just had to start out with Musser, since he's one of the best characters in my favorite episode of television of all time -- Season 3's "Jose Chung's From Outer Space." Larry was so engaging, I could have spent the rest of the day just talking with him. (And actually, I'll get another chance at asking everything I wanted to because I'm going to be co-hosting an X-Cast podcast with him next week.) We talked about how Detective Manners was based on the director, who actually was going to play the role at one point but ultimately decided against it. He said "Jose Chung" was as much fun as we all expected it to have been to work on. Originally, Detective Manners' "colorful phraseology" was just going to be bleeped out, but they decided to have Musser actually say "bleep" and the like instead. Thank goodness for that, it adds a whole other level of charm to the proceedings.

Then we swiftly moved over to Jeff Gulka (Gibson Praise). Being in the Vancouver regular-season finale in Season 5 was his first professional speaking part and the chess scene in front of thousands, many of whom were fans, was the first one they shot. Then 11 years old, he thought he might be in the movie and on the show for longer since Gibson was said to be "the secret to everything in the X-Files," but only came back for the Season 6 premiere. Well, until he was called upon again for the two-part opener of Season 8. "I didn't even know if I still had an agent," he laughed about his S8 return.

Owens had a smile on his face as the duo he kept running into in the hall and at the elevators approached his table. Although he made quite an impression in Season 4 episodes as The Great Mutato and Young Cigarette Smoking Man, I just wanted to talk to him about my favorite Jeffrey Spender episode, "Triangle." He recalled being outfitted head to toe in German military gear and watching his on-screen dad, William B. Davis, try to get through the long speeches without messing up the 10-minute takes reminiscent of Alfred Hitchcock's Rope, thinking, "My dad is rambling in this cue." Then he told us about one specific outrageous rehearsal moment. "In the ballroom scene, David is thrown to the floor in front of me. He just started undoing my fly," Owens said.

We talked with The Enigma about the previous night's show. I told him that the Gatorade routine made me a little nauseous on the heels of the prep for my recent colonoscopy. Nothing like talking about spewing watery liquid with a guy whose character ate an underdeveloped, murderous conjoined twin. And then the perfect intro to having him sign the yearbook -- "It wouldn't be complete without the missing puzzle piece."

I was eager to tell Brian Huskey that he lived every fan's dream as Reggie Something in Season 11's "The Lost Art of Forehead Sweat," getting inserted into vintage X-Files episodes and calling our leads "Sculls" and "Foxy." "I won the sweepstakes," he said. "Darin blows everything up and tweaks it." Although the yearbook's edition ended after the second movie, Brian came up with the idea of signing on a page from one of the episodes Reggie was cut and pasted into and posed with our business card. I'll call that a ringing Sibling Cinema endorsement.

We figured we could squeeze in a Gunman or two before the photo ops began in earnest and started with Tom Braidwood, who continued to do first assistant director duty through the Vancouver years even though he was part of the cast as Melvin Frohike. Tom had a great Manners story at the ready. Kim was directing a scene with two actors, one in the background. And the latter asked him whether he could be seen in the shot. Manners just shot back, "It doesn't matter anyway, you're just a piece of shit in the background." Braidwood said he "grabbed him and said, 'You can't say that.' But that was just his way of talking, he didn't mean anything by it."

Bruce Harwood, the heart of the Lone Gunmen John Fitzgerald Byers, cracked me up when he looked at his yearbook photo and said, "Take it on the face"? He too had a most excellent Manners story. "He gave me the most useful information I've ever gotten as an actor," Harwood said in a much more serious vein. "He said, 'Kick it in the ass,' which means don't waste my time, but don't forget about what you're doing."

We headed off for photo ops. Owens gave us each an extra squeeze and then we departed with a "See you in the lobby!" When Huskey arrived, I started a "Reg-gie, Reg-gie" chant and he flashed us bull horns. Right before the picture, I joked, "We're your favorites, right?" "Yes," he answered diplomatically. And the Lone Gunmen meet Sibling Cinema picture? I told them it was a dream come true that was 30 years in the making. One of them -- all I can be sure of was that I don't think it was Braidwood -- said they'd make it worth the wait. We immediately decided that would be our new Facebook cover photo.

A great friend of mine from another obsession, General Hospital, came down from Wisconsin to visit with me that day. We gave Georgia our extra pass and she went to a couple panels -- including her mom's favorite, Pileggi -- while we continued running around. The Sestras did see part of Lea's panel, though. Nick said he really wishes he could play Krycek again, because he's a much better actor now than he was when he was on the show. "It kind of gnaws at me a bit," he admitted. "The opportunity to revisit and improve on this character is something I'd like to do."

Lea told the assembled he loved getting his hands dirty and recounted his favorite hanging-off-the-balcony, exploding-car and running-from-horses tales that we've heard before at other cons. "Opening the script was always like Christmas," he said. Then he talked about his daughters: "On Dec. 17, my life changed. ... One baby is a challenge, two babies are like 15 times harder. But they're pretty cute."

Later, we met Sheila Larken (Margaret Scully). She pointed out Gillian Anderson was pregnant and hogging the umbrella in the yearbook photo of Dana with her mom. "Look at those cheeks!" she exclaimed. Larken's story about Manners involved him acting out the scene for her. "Then when I did the scene, he said, 'Cut! Print!' I said, 'I get it, when I acted the way you did, you said, 'Cut! Print!'"

And then back to the photo op room again. We got hugs from Nicholas Lea and congratulated him on the birth of his girls. He happily conveyed that twins "happen to you." Larken told the first person on line for hers that she was uncomfortable about doing studio portraits. When I said we'd make it as painless as possible, she said we should look serious. At least two of us did, anyway, Sestra Am caved at the last second and smiled.

For Musser, we were going to act like he just said, "You bet your blankety-blank bleep I am" from "Jose Chung." Afterward, he correctly deduced when we went right to the line for Annabeth Gish (Monica Reyes) that we were going to have quite a collection of photos from the event. He said he'd understand if we ranked Gish higher than him. I made him laugh with my retort, "no bleeping way."

Annabeth commented on our combination X-Files/Blockbuster "I Want to Believe" shirts, and I said we wanted them to reflect that we've been watching her since the VHS days in great flicks such as Mystic Pizza, Hiding Out, Shag and The Last Supper. She loved that (oh, before I forget, Haglund loved them too) ... and I have proof of Gish's appreciation because there's a video floating around Facebook of that exact moment.

We high-tailed it back to the autograph room, because the Lone Gunmen were only there for one day and I could not miss Dean ... again. Everyone seemed to have played it the way we did, Braidwood and Harwood's queues were empty and everyone was in Haglund's. From my spot on line, I played a variation on charades with Bruce. He pointed to Tom's line and then his own, and then Dean's full line. I shook my head and then smacked it in best I-could-have-had-a-V8 manner. Harwood laughed.

When I made it up to Haglund, I just had to go into the time-tested, battle-scarred story of the X-Files Expo I sort of attended in Florida back in 1998. He threw his head back and laughed as I delivered the sob story of how my hungover friend arrived late and puked in my mom's driveway before we got to the event too late for me to see him. Dean asked whether I was still friends with her. And I said, yep, we are ... and all is certainly forgiven now that I finally met him.

We power-walked back to the photo ops to get E -- who affably reacted to my use of that letter, so I'm assuming it's OK -- a day early. He said all the fans are the real stars. And Gulka soaked in all our attention as we wrapped up the autograph/photo portion of the day ahead of schedule, with nine actors tucked away in the yearbook instead of the planned seven.

Then we met up with Georgia at the Lone Gunmen's screening of Season 5's "Unusual Suspects." It can't be measured with existing technology how much fun it is to watch Braidwood, Haglund and Harwood play off each other. They recalled filming the episode while the show's leads were doing things for the feature film. The trio's antics included "trashing David Duchovny's trailer," watching Jackie Chan movies in the original Cantonese and playing Nintendo 64.

Braidwood told the crowd he would have directed a couple of episodes if the original run had continued to many awwws and they laughed about how this episode's director Manners -- who had quit smoking -- was chewing on a toothpick and yelling the whole time. Harwood enjoyed having the spotlight before they had to go back to working one day a week, usually at the tail end of the week. They laughed about the different ways Manners tried to get all three of them in the frame. "Put your head at a 90-degree angle under Tom's armpit," Haglund laughed. And they all had different favorite X-Files monsters of the week: Braidwood, Tooms ... Harwood, Fluke ... Haglund, Enigma.

Dean told the hilarious story of how hard Fox allegedly tried to contact him for the revival ... when the show could have just gone to deanhaglund.com and emailed him. The paranoia had already spread to the actors when they thought the Gunmen might have been recast for Season 10 with Luke Perry, Jason Priestley ... and Fran Drescher?!? In addition to his entertaining podcast Chillipak Hollywood with Phil Leirness, Haglund plans to complete a graphic novel by Christmas (the inference was this holiday season) and also has been filming stop-motion segments with customized Lone Gunmen Legos given to him by an Australian fan.

And the last event of the day was the screening of "The Lost Art of Forehead Sweat" with Huskey. He recalled originally looking at the script as straight drama and thinking, "Oh, shit, I'm in a lot of this." The Veep veteran, who joked he got the gig because he looks like Darin Morgan, recalled the writer/director told Brian he wanted him to deliver the lines "in a bunch of weird ways." There were 36 costume changes involved in the show, not to mention the pinpoint accuracy needed to insert him into previous episodes. "This is one of my favorite life experiences I ever had," Huskey said, before closing by telling fans that the straitjacket feels like "a hug that never ends, so don't be afraid to go crazy, guys."

Sunday morning started with breakfast with Annabeth Gish, and this was really different than Spotnitz's. (Over the eggs at the buffet, I did run into Nick, who was doing his in the same room.) There was very little X-Files discussion, it was mostly going around the table and Annabeth finding out about people who were big enough fans of hers to be there. She imagined a movie or TV show about the jobs of every single one of us at the table. We were all female, and Gish really enjoyed the aspect of women supporting women. But we did develop a secret handshake that she can always remember as a sign of the 12 people who were in that room.

The final day of X-Fest is kicking off!

Breakfast with @annabethgish & Nicholas Lea!#XFest19 pic.twitter.com/UsciqOMRET

— X-Fest (@xfestcon) June 9, 2019

Our time with her ended before I knew it, but before it did, I brought up my biggest disappointment of the revival -- the destruction of Monica's character. The person who had been the most stand-up person during the regular run had turned into the opposite with absolutely no explanation of why. Annabeth said she pleaded with Chris for something, but ultimately did the best she could. "Great hair, great suits ... but I had no voice," she stated perfectly. I went off to see my X-Cast friends and share everything about the meal except the details of the secret handshake.

After that, I brought the photo of Nick and I taken at the first X-Fest to him to be autographed. He said I looked terrified in it, like I wasn't expecting the hug. Maybe I was just overwhelmed at the time. I recapped for him how the line behind me had been "oohing" and "aahing" over that moment.

From there, we went to see the incredible Mark Snow, who did the scores for the entire series as well as Millennium and much more. "I thought I always did a good job," he said. "At least an 8, sometimes an 11." Sestra Am and I talked about one of the 11s, Season 4's "Paper Hearts," which was one of his favorites as well. And I bemoaned the fact that the swing music from S6's "Triangle" will never be released because the show had never gotten clearance to use the piece in the first place. We also talked about the fun he had doing in "Jose Chung," which included a parody of the theme song, and I expressed my appreciation for Millennium.

Full credit is due to Sestra Am for coming up with the idea for my new favorite celeb photo of all time. Nick and I are hugging on one side of the frame, and she's giving me the stink eye on the other side with a big gap in between us. The part not viewed in the picture is how Nick and I were still posing while Sestra went to check the shot to make sure it was perfect. Then we, of course, had to recreate it by switching places for her favorite, Mitch. I think I look more sad than pissed in that variation, but it was also great fun to do. Much thanks to Lea, Pileggi and Wolf Photo Studios for being great sports for that. We were laughing for hours after that, and I still chuckle looking at them a week later.

I got to finally meet Melinda McGraw (Melissa Scully), who seemed stunned to hear that people didn't much care for Scully's sister at the time, but now think of the character more fondly. Then she remembered the sexual tension that was built into the scripts between Melissa and Dana's work partner. She has a deep-seated fear of slash fan fiction that I actually share. In other news, how can there not be a real picture of her in The Complete X-Files? Maybe someone somewhere never got over their initial Melissa feelings, but Melinda was very open and friendly, a lot like her ill-fated character, down to the dress and a crystal dangling from her neck.

Next up, we met Susan Blommaert, so petrifying as Mrs. Paddock in Season 2's "Die Hand Die Verletzt." Blommaert was basically the opposite of her fear-inducing character. She had only the greatest words for Manners, who made his X-Files debut on that episode. "He was fun and he was smart," Susan said. "He let you play with it. But if he needed something else, he would ask for it. One of the best experiences I've ever had." Musser stayed around the second day to meet the other cast members just like we were doing, and even though he and Blommaert were in the same episode, they had never met. Chalk up another cool moment.

Next we went to Rebecca Toolan (Teena Mulder), who quipped that the funniest thing about Manners was his mullet haircut. Her history with him went back long before the show, when he was casting her for another role. (An IMDb search leads me to believe it was 21 Jump Street's Season 4 opener "Draw the Line.") She remembered, "I was going to be late for an audition because I was working on something else. He said, 'If she can't be there on time, I'm not going to cast her.' Then he cast me anyway."

During our last photo ops, Blommaert and McGraw each gave us extra love because they come from families with sisters as well. It was so special to watch Larken sitting at a table and lovingly watching Toolan work her way through her op before they did one together. And Snow sweetly (really, he said it sweetly) deemed us "a couple of nuts" before we got an extra bonus photo because he blinked in the first one. Hey, that's a time-honored Sibling Cinema tactic.

We finally got to take in the amazing props brought by The X-Files Preservation Collection, my X-Fest photo op buddies Jim Thornton and Kelly Anthony. It's really a dazzling array that dutifully shows off all the time and money they've put into it. At some point, Musser went into the room and had a "reunion" with the doll from Season 5's "Chinga" that was sent out over social media almost immediately. I loved the costume pieces from S10's "Mulder and Scully Meet the Were-Monster." Can't wait to see how their collection grows from here. It's already beyond any fan's wildest imagination.

Besides not reacting to Haglund when I first saw him, my biggest faux pas of the weekend had to be not bringing Anne Simon's book, The Real Science Behind the X-Files, to be signed when we finally tracked her down as the last name on the yearbook want list. Then again if I had, she would see that I haven't actually read it yet by its pristine condition. We bided our time waiting for her by hanging out with a friend ... and The Enigma. He was nothing like I ever would have expected before this weekend, a genuinely nice guy appreciative of the attention everyone rightfully paid him.

With 14 of 14 in the yearbook, we went off to Karin Konoval's screening. We had seen her a few times throughout the day and in one of our last photo ops, so it was a blast to watch her totally nail the roles of Judy and Chucky in Season 11's "Plus One" with like-minded fans. Her hosting of "Home" had been one of the highlights of X-Fest 1. Despite all the hard work evident on the screen, she deemed it "one of the easiest, most fun things I've ever done. There was no real makeup, just pure acting." What else would Konoval like to do? Well, a musical actually. "It could even be a male singing role," she said. I'll buy that, she would kill it.


Karin compared being on the set to participating in a ballet with the cast and crew being perfect at everything they did. David Duchovny (Fox Mulder) almost undid her with the twinkle in his eye. "He's so subtle," she said. During that week, she filled up her phone with extemporaneous videos in character as Chucky. She proclaimed "Rm9sbG93ZXJz" (aka "Followers") to be her other preference from Season 11, with her favorite character being the vacuum cleaner.

In closing out her session with a story of how X-Files fans got her incorrect birthday changed on Wikipedia while Planet of the Apes fans just sent birthday greetings on the wrong day, she proclaimed the show's fans to be the best. "You guys do rock it out ... in terms of curiosity and support."

So X-Fest 2 was in the books, but there were still a couple of final touches to be made. I ran into Snow outside the hotel as he waited for his car. We talked about what a fantastic time we both had. He extended his hand and we shook, then he kissed me on the cheek. I felt the bristles from his beard for hours afterward.

We were so honored you took time to stop by Kelly and I xfile prop Museum and it was a thrill you got to see our chinga and she forgives you @Larruper52 @techie206 @xfestcon @XFilesNews pic.twitter.com/4uOGpUlzSh

— The X-Files Preservation Collection (@jthornton999) June 15, 2019

Then I sat outside with Konoval. She was the last person I saw at the first one, so it seemed fitting the same was true here. We talked about the cause that would get her to fangirl the way we do for her and the show -- orangutans!! Then we discussed other pop-culture conventions and how the last thing she wants to do is charge people ridiculous amounts of money just to meet her and/or get a picture taken. Before we parted, I gave her a couple of names of ones I consider better than others, making sure to reiterate they're not all like the one This Con Life gave us.

As you can see from all the words before this, it wasn't even close.

X-Files S6E5: The 'land that time (almost) forgot

Sestra Amateur: 

Morris Fletcher is voice-over de l’episode, providing a pretty solid background of our hero, Fox Mulder. Fun fact No. 1: Young Fox was a Trekkie. Fun fact No. 2: Fletcher as Mulder probably would have salvaged Fox's FBI reputation and career. Too bad for Mulder's future we want him back to normal. An incarcerated Mulder-as-Fletcher gets to have some quality time with Captain McDonough-as-Lana Chee, and loses his grip to the point where he actually tries to grab him … her.

Luckily, “Morry” gets called into a meeting with General Wegman where he manages to talk his way out of his arrest. Meanwhile, Scully gets reprimanded, suspended and a date with “Fox,” who seems surprised the real Mulder doesn’t have a bedroom since that’s where his endless boxes of research have been stashed. Then where did Fletcher get busy with Kersh’s secretary in Part 1?

Fox-as-Morris returns to the Fletcher household where his kids shun him and JoAnne tries to kick him out again. Mulder tells the truth to JoAnne, who thinks he’s speaking figuratively -- not literally -- about being a different man. He tries to appeal to her compassionate side, but fails because it’s too early in the episode for everything to work out OK. 

Scully arrives at Mulder’s place and he very quickly gets her on a waterbed, which he moved into his now-cleaned-out bedroom. Dana breaks out the handcuffs, which Fletcher eagerly uses. Once he’s secured to the bedpost (oh, that's why he got a four poster bed) Scully demands the truth at gunpoint. Morris refuses to switch back and claims he doesn’t know how to do it anyway. Fortunately, they get a phone call at that very moment from Fox's source. 

The next morning, “Morris” and JoAnne find some common ground. Later that night, “Mulder” meets his contact in a dive bar. It’s the general! Luckily, it’s the same place where “Morris” took JoAnne for the evening. Fox-as-Fletcher is about to leave when he finds Dana in the parking lot. Too bad JoAnne sees him in the car with “Special Tramp Dana Scully.” 

“Mulder” is trying to leave with the aircraft’s flight data recorder when he sees an upset JoAnne at the bar. Then Morry’s government lackey coworkers enter the watering hole. Fox-as-Fletcher goes back inside and JoAnne throws a drink in his face for his perceived betrayal. Mulder and Fletcher square off in the bathroom. (Or Fletcher and Mulder. Guess that part doesn’t really matter in this scene.) The general also doesn’t want to be spotted by his underlings and hides in the bathroom, where he stumbles across Fletch and Muld. They work together to get Fletcher-as-Fox out with the flight recorder and Fox-as-Fletcher out with … beer.

“Sculder” bounce back home and visit the Lone Gunmen with the flight recorder. “Mulder” is amused by them, so Scully admits he’s not Fox. Surprisingly, they have trouble believing he swapped bodies with Mulder because of a warp in the space-time continuum. So after everything they have seen, they find this hard to believe? Morry taunts them with claims of creating several of their investigated conspiracies. You’d think they would be more livid that Dana allowed such a major security breach into their inner sanctum. Scully gets everyone back on the same page. 

Meanwhile, new victims are outside Area 51 when the warbling craft appears overhead and splices together one kissing couple in front of their friend, Sam. At least they’re not embedded in rock, right? And why is the government still flying that thing? Dana meets Fox (in Fletcher’s body, but they’re not showing that now) and she has dire news about changing him back into his old self. Even worse, Morry-as-Mulder is Assistant Director Kersh’s new golden boy and Scully is no longer an FBI agent. 

Dana, proving looks do matter, refuses to kiss Fox because she doesn’t think Morry is attractive. Sam flags down one of Fletcher’s coworkers and learns the spliced couple somehow unspliced themselves – and are acting as though nothing weird happened to them. The next morning “Sculder” drive past the gas station that burned down last episode, but it looks perfectly fine now. So is the gas station attendant, who is alive, intact and also not remembering what happened. And now it’s time for Captain McDonough and Lana Chee to revert back to form.

“Sculder” show up at the Fletcher residence where “Morris” is loading up the U-Haul and JoAnne is yelling, as usual. The real Morry finally steps up and convinces JoAnne it’s really him in Mulder’s body. Too bad Fletcher’s coworkers arrive and again arrest him for treason. They head back to Area 51 … and things reset themselves to the moment the body swap occurred. On the upside, Scully didn’t get suspended and fired and Kersh’s secretary didn’t have sex with “Mulder.” But the spliced-together dime and penny from the gas station that Scully left at FBI Headquarters are still … together. If the incident never happened, then how does she have evidence of it? Begin your time-travel explanations now!

Sestra Professional:

OK, so if things had to be in the path when the continuum swung back around, then that should explain why the dime/penny didn't revert. Since Sculder were where they were, everything they were involved in did reverse itself. Except that the coinage probably should be part of "everything." I wish the warp would regress me so I could forget my point. The two-parter definitely winds up being a hot mess, but at least it's a fun one. 

What "Dreamland II" does have going for it is an extension of the themes first offered in Gilligan's script for "Small Potatoes" (Season 4, Episode 20). Someone else has taken over Mulder's life and started getting a lot more use from it than our hero does. So basically he's living the dream.

The three-headed writing team of Vince Gilligan, John Shiban and Frank Spotnitz deliver the best voiceover we've had to date. (Now I'm kind of picturing them melded into each other like that unfortunate couple outside Area 51.) Anyway, Fletcher-as-Fox details the biggest kick in the slats Mulder ever had -- the disappearance of his sister. He bemoans the fact that Fox pissed away a brilliant career and now "lives his life shaking his fist at the sky and muttering about conspiracies to anyone that will listen." It's really a dead-on piece of writing that encapsulates why this two-parter should exist, accurately recapping the back story of one of our leads while not ignoring his foibles.

Looks like we're up fudge creek: Last episode, Captain McDonough-as-Lana Chee made an indelible impression by detailing the aircraft's failings to the general. This time around, she steals the scene by dissing her neighboring cellmate with extremely inventive putdowns and a well-aimed flick of a cigarette. All hail Julia Vera for her complete dismissal of the "desk monkey" that "Lana" was incarcerated with. In normal circumstances, she would be an easy call for guest-star kudos. But this is Michael McKean's episode, so "Grandma Top Gun" will have to be content with just returning to her character's normal body.

So Mulder did a fairly convincing job as Fletcher, at least at work. Even in someone else's body, he's better at the gig than he is with his personal life. He tap danced out of trouble with his co-workers with quick answers for his behavior pretty deftly, too bad Morry's wife isn't as gullible. 

Maybe I like to read The New York Times backwards: Meanwhile Morry's fixed up Fox's cave to a respectable level. By the way, that apartment number, 42? Who else thought of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, with that number being the answer to the ultimate question of life, universe and everything? The money shot, of course, is getting to see our boy in his original, hunky form on the waterbed with gorgeous Scully courtesy of the mirror on the ceiling. Frankly, that one shot's sexier than any smooch we have or may see in the future. 

Glad Dana finally finally saw through all Faux Morry. Her strident response of "'Baby' me and you'll be peeing through a catheter" was worth the long, long wait for her eyes to be opened. It had to be fun for Gillian Anderson to take the upper hand after rolling her eyes for more than one episode. 

So all that's left after that is for John Gillnitz -- the writing team, not the dinner theater actor Morry tapped to play Saddam Hussein -- to try to work their way out of the mess. We get some more mirror tricks in the can with Real and Faux Mulder. We can tell the tide is turning because our leads are starting to get more quips than McKean. David Duchovny perfectly utters the game, "So you're the guy who wants my life? I assume that means all the ass kickings." This episode may exist because the trifecta had a lot of great lines they wanted to make use of. 

Trust me, little man, I ain't him: I shouldn't forget about the little side trip to The Lone Gunmen, for we could not have McKean in two episodes without playing him up against them. Last episode, David Duchovny and McKean went all Marx Brothers in the bedroom mirror. Here, the Man in Black takes The Three Stooges down a few pegs most of the stories the Gunmen have published in their newsletter were thought up by Morris when he was in the can. 

Dana sort of voices my concerns about the resolution of this episode. If they tried to recreate the event that caused the body switch but were off by a millisecond, Fox would end up with his end in a rock ... instead of up his bum where it usually is. I guess time springing back is just as good an outcome as can be expected. Except for the coin (and, spoiler alert,) the waterbed. 

Meta mixtures: The Little A'Le'Inn, while an unwieldy name, is an actual establishment in Rachel, Nevada. ... On Saturday Night Live, McKean played Cigarette-Smoking Man in a skit when Duchovny hosted the show on May 13 1995. ... There quite a few righteous bloopers from this episode, including McKean bumping into a cameraman while doing the jig in Fox's apartment and Anderson's early line delivery in the Lone Gunmen scene. ... And add Planet of the Apes to the pop-culture references made this season with Scully's quip, "I'd kiss you if you weren't so damn ugly." Although I might take issue with the possibility of Dana actually knowing that line. ... Vera wore elaborate makeup to play the 75-year-old Hopi woman. According to the official episode guide, she thought she won the role because of the speech patterns she learned during her stint in the Army.

Guest star of the week: Gilligan credited McKean for the episodes' successes. "Everything we was, we owe to Michael McKean," he said in The Complete X-Files. "We wrote some funny lines, but that was the extent of our input into it. He really just made the character come alive and was so watchable and so charismatic despite being such a shit." So good, in fact, that we'll see him again someday. Unless time snaps back before then, of course.

X-Files S6E4: Making their Dreamlands come true

Sestra Amateur: 

I’m glad The X-Files chose to make the first few episodes of Season 6 humorous ones. After the depress-fest of Season 5, we sure could use it. This one has a body-swapping plot akin to Vice Versa, Like Father Like Son and 18 Again, with some government security shenanigans thrown in for good measure. 

Sculder are driving along a dark road toward Area 51. Dana is getting wistful about missed personal life opportunities (marriage, children, yadda yadda yadda) while Fox clearly has a different definition of the word “normal.” They get stopped and removed from the car at gunpoint. You know, that actually is normal for them. A different cigarette-smoking man named Morris Fletcher – played by Michael McKean who everyone knows from somewhere -- wants answers from them and insists flying saucers do not exist. He’s half right. A flying triangle arrives, warbles above them for a second, then continues on its way. Sculder leave … sort of. It looks like Mulder and Fletcher swapped bodies and no one but them noticed. It’s a Freaky Friday situation, even though this episode aired on a Saturday. On the upside, Mulder has free access to Area 51. On the downside, some stranger with unknown intentions just drove off with Scully. Decisions, decisions.

You’d think government agents assigned to Area 51 would have more official-looking ID badges. We could have made the same ones – back in the 1990s, mind you – and looked more official. Fletcher’s isn’t even grammatically correct, because if it is, then his name is Fletcher Morris, not Morris Fletcher. Mulder makes his way to Morry’s office, which is filled with photos of Fletcher’s family, the Reagans, Newt Gingrich and even some enemies of state. He tries to call Scully, who’s been put on gas-pumping duties due to the proximity of the rental car’s gas cap. She unfortunately doesn’t pick up the call in time. Mulder-as-Fletcher has to handle a mole in the organization as well as an irate wife – played by Nora Dunn – at home. Luckily, he has the porn channel to relax him. Fletcher-as-Mulder just gets to listen to cool music and smoke Morleys.

General Wegman from Area 51 arrives at the flying triangle crash site. The pilots are alive; one is embedded in rock(!) and the other is speaking an unknown language. Scully and faux-Mulder make it back to D.C. and meet with Assistant Director Kersh, who is mad at them for violating protocol yet again. This Fox actually apologizes to Kersh, so Dana knows something is wrong with him. She gets another clue when he flirts with Kersh’s secretary … and when he smacks Scully on the butt. 

JoAnne Fletcher wakes Mulder Morry, who is in for the shock of his life now that he has the “normal” family situation Scully was just talking about. His wife is unhappy, he doesn’t know his son from his daughter (literally) and he can’t even take his car keys without the family making a federal case out of it. Fox goes to change his suit … and finally gets a real glimpse in the mirror at his new physique. This is the funniest scene of the season so far. He does everything but the one thing you would expect -- he doesn’t look down his boxer shorts. (Although maybe he did that while watching those movies the night before.)

Back in Area 51, General Wegman learns the triangle craft’s captain claims to be Hopi Indian Lana Chee. Lana, who soldiers found outside Area 51, identifies herself as the captain and explains to the general what happened the night before when he was at the controls of the aircraft. Faux Mulder is playing online golf when real Mulder calls Scully on the phone but Dana has doubts, at least until Faux Fox wants to handle it by notifying Kersh. Red flags everywhere, Scully! 

Our Mulder buys some sunflower seeds at a local gas station, shortly before secret squirrel stuff hits the fan. Something has leveled the gas station and embedded the attendant halfway into the floor. The Area 51 agents clean up the mess by shooting the attendant and burning down the gas station. Dana goes to Fox's apartment where Kersh’s assistant (did they ever give her a name?), looking disheveled and satisfied, is leaving. She tries to yell some sense into “Mulder” about pursuing this X-file – his life’s work – but Faux Fox resists.

Mulder-as-Fletcher learns the swapping and rock-embedding occurred because of a tear in the space time continuum caused by the triangle craft’s gravity-pulse mode. General Wegman said they have flown these crafts since 1953 without issues. Fox wants to undo it, but apparently Fletcher’s job is not to rectify the situation, just to cover it up. That’s probably Mulder’s worst nightmare. Dana arrives at the burned-down gas station and finds a dime and penny embedded together; it’s actually the change Mulder left the attendant when he bought the sunflower seeds.

Back at Casa Fletcher, JoAnne thinks Morris doesn’t find her attractive because he’s impotent. At least it’s given her hope they can save their marriage … until Dana Scully arrives at her front door. (Did I mention that Mulder-as-Fletcher mentioned Scully’s name in his sleep?) I wonder what the divorce laws are in Nevada because real Fletcher is probably going to lose everything. Fox, meanwhile, has never been so happy to see Dana, even though he can’t quite convince her the body swap occurred. And still Scully resists believing him, despite the unbelievable things she has seen over the years in the X-files. Faux Fox is a step ahead though and sets Faux Morry up for a fall. Faux Mulder also ratted out Scully’s location to Kersh, who is beyond fed up with her. Alvin orders Dana to set up Faux Fletcher/Mulder, who gets arrested by the military. No tidy ending today, you’ll have to wait until next week.

Sestra Professional:

Season 6 quickly garnered a reputation as "X-Files Lite," and that probably springs as much from the two-parter that anchored a string of blithe fare as any move to Hollywood ever could. But like Sestra Am, I don't think it's such a bad thing. Not because I found Season 5 such a downer, but these aerier episodes lightened the load. Some bemoan the lack of more serious cases and mythology that got us into the show to begin with, but I'm not one of them because I think the conspiracy element already had gone off the rails to some degree.

Don't you ever just want to stop? Get out of the damn car? So the "Dreamland" concoction was pieced together by the writing trio of Vince Gilligan, John Shiban and Frank Spotnitz and it does feel like that. Some from Gilligan's island, a little shucking and Shib-ing and a spot of -nitz. One of the signatures of their work is that Dana tends to exhibit a desire for a personal life outside the FBI. She also gets to quip on par with Fox.

The X-Files was definitely due for a look at Area 51. Because this is well documented and covered territory in the entertainment industry, perhaps Groom Lake was grist for the comedy mill in regards to our show. What could really be said or pointed out that hadn't been done before? Doing a little body switcheroo was just the ticket. 

I got a top secret for you: Michael McKean was an inspired bit of casting, even thought the role apparently was originally intended for David Duchovny's friend, Garry Schandling. If you need someone to play a version of Mulder in a lighter vein, you can't do better than the veteran of everything from Laverne & Shirley to This Is Spinal Tap. We don't crave another buttoned-down person in authority, we need someone who could play a little fast and loose with the words in the script. The kind of guy who can say "There's no such thing as UFOs" and then do a subtle doubletake a second later when one comes over the horizon.

This is a sharp episode for Duchovny too. Part 1 is basically all setup, and we see our male lead can deliver the subtle reactions just as well as McKean. "Dreamland" also calls for bigger acknowledgements -- showing the badge proves particularly key because it clarifies why we see Faux Fox and Faux Morris as the people they are on the inside. It's great to fun to watch Mulder playing the other side of the coin -- the people whom he is forever investigating and accusing. 

I'm just not myself lately: The irony of Fox forced to live out the life that just minutes earlier Dana had contemplated is a nice touch. Maybe it's a little bizarre that Mulder chooses to sack out in a stranger's living room with porn on the television, but the dude was uncomfortable. I guess he had to seek out something from his own life that made him feel more secure. His attempts to get Scully to believe him are fun to watch too, even thought the fact that he knew she'd been putting bee pollen in her yogurt probably should have done the trick.

"Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Johnny Cash." And now a few words about that mirror scene. It's nicely reminiscent of the famous I Love Lucy scene between the star and Harpo Marx that was an homage to the Marx Brothers' routine in Duck Soup. But, well, don't you think Fox doesn't make the most natural movements while trying to trip up Morris? And Mark Snow's music cue for the mirror dance is off-the-charts ... well, to quote Dana ... "bizarre." 

The other victims of the time-space continuum aren't having such an painless time of it either. The body swaps between the captain and the old Indian woman probably were a lot easier to live with than the guy in the rock or the shopkeeper in the floor. Watching Faux Lana Chee give details of the flight is a standout moment in the episode. I could have watched her explaining what happened when the captain was at the controls of the UFO technology for an hour without any of the Mulder body switching.

This is an X-file ... your life's work ... your crusade: There's not a lot for Gillian Anderson to do in this one, except to react with surprise and astonishment to every single thing that Faux Mulder says and does. But it's different than Scully's usual scowls at the theories posed by Real Mulder and a nice chemistry develops as McKean plays perfectly off the physical cues that Anderson gives him. She does nail the final scene when Dana seem to finally start to suspect that maybe the strange man claiming to be her partner might be telling the truth.

Guest star of the week: Well, yeah, it's McKean, but he's even finer in Part 2, so I'm giving the nod to Nora Dunn here. She's someone who admittedly was not a favorite of mine on Saturday Night Live, but her sharp manner totally suits JoAnne Fletcher. Her tirades about Faux Morris' behavior, the children and the recurring Scully theme fit the proceedings to a T. Or an X, in our case.

X-Files S6E3: Musings of a soggy FBI agent

Sestra Amateur: 

And now for something completely different, an episode filled with more “wait, what?” moments than a full season of The X-Files, but set to a nice swing-time, drum-thumping beat. 

In this episode, Mulder channels his inner Wizard of Oz and figuratively follows the yellow brick road which, for him, is located in the Sargasso Sea – one of the Bermuda Triangle borders. He gets rescued by a passing cruise ship filled with British sailors who think he’s an English-speaking German spy with a ridiculous name. Clearly he’s not in Kansas anymore, but since Kansas is pretty landlocked, we knew that anyway. At knifepoint, they bring him to the ship’s captain, who bitch-slaps Fox for answers. Turns out, he was rescued by the S. S. Queen Anne and believes they are stuck in a time loop. The captain and crew think the year is 1939; Mulder insists it’s 1998 … and that the world is at peace. (Ah, simpler times.) Fox is giddy with the possibility of the time loop until he gets into a fight with Spender. (Wait, what?) Of course, Fox gets the upper hand and steals German Jeffrey's soldier uniform.

Mulder gets chased throughout the ship by other soldiers until he ends up at a party in the ballroom, where he bumps into Dana Scully. (Wait, what?) The soldiers catch up to Fox and yell at him in German. This Scully seems to suspect he’s being truthful because most German soldiers understand their native tongue. (Side note: Christopher Pike wrote a short story years ago which featured two characters named Dana. The second Dana, essentially a copy of the original, was called “Dana Two” for narrative purposes. So for the rest of this review, this Scully will be known as Dana Two.) And who is the man lucky enough to be dancing with Dana Two?

Soldiers kill the captain when he refuses to give up his ship. The Nazi who ordered the hit is Cigarette Smoking Man. (Wait, what?) He confronts Mulder with some pretty lame interrogation tactics. Seriously, it’s like Zigarettenraucher is just looking for an excuse to execute people. I know it looks like I just Spanglished CSM in German, but really, that’s how Google translates it. (By the way, there are large chunks of dialogue I’m not translating, so if you speak German and spot a nice Easter Egg, please share it with the rest of us.) Another SS soldier brings over Fox's wallet and identification, which identifies him as American. That soldier looks exactly Walter Skinner. (Wait, what?) Of course his intervention keeps Mulder from getting shot, just like our Skinner would.

Back in Washington, D.C., in 1998, the Lone Gunmen approach Scully inside FBI headquarters. It’s amusing to think how easily they can get past security and into a secured government building. They tell Dana how the Queen Anne, a British luxury liner which disappeared 60 years earlier, recently popped up in the Bermuda Triangle. They gave that info to Fox. Dana takes down some notes and walks swiftly toward Assistant Director Skinner’s office. (I love how smoothly the camera follows Scully around the office. The effect exists during the cruise-ship scenes, but it’s more striking in the well-lit, modern corridors of an office building than a dimly lit luxury liner.) 

Dana barges into Walter's office and asks for his help. He reminds her he’s not the boss of her anymore, but with more appropriately acceptable terminology. This Scully is clearly getting fed up with protocol and tells Skinner to save his own ass … verbatim. She then reaches out to Assistant Director Kersh, who is in a meeting with Zigarettenraucher … I mean Cigarette Smoking Man. (Wait, what?) Dana bolts to the elevator and pulls out a cell phone from who-knows-where. That jacket is already snug. She goes downstairs and threatens Spender into helping her. He is disturbingly compliant, but of course, she can’t trust him. 

While Scully waits, she takes a phone call from CSM, who thinks she is Agent Diana Fowley. For a brief moment, Dana actually has the upper hand on Cancer Man. More elevator and cell-phone wackiness ensue. Skinner gives Scully the information she needed and Dana rewards him with a kiss. (Wait, what??) She catches up to the Lone Gunmen in the parking garage and they make their escape in a Volkswagen van. Curious to see what the repercussions ended up being the next time she goes to work.

Back on the Queen Anne in 1939, Mulder learns about Thor’s Hammer. Because of The Avengers movies, my brain goes to Mjolnir, but I’m almost completely, positively sure that’s not the one they mean. Turns out, the man dancing with Dana Two is Thor’s Hammer. Fox reveals what he knows to the other prisoners and one of them turns out to be a German spy. Nice work, Fox. The one time you don’t follow your own “trust no one” advice. 

Mulder comes across Kersh’s counterpart, a man desperate to take the ship to Jamaica. Fox is trying to save history by getting the boat back on the right course. The soldiers bring him upstairs to identify Thor’s Hammer. SS Spender is able to translate for Mulder, who refuses to name names. Dana Two steps in and gets a gun in her face for her efforts. To end the bloodshed, Fox falsely names one of the executed passengers as Thor’s Hammer, but the brave man steps forward anyway. Unfortunately, he also names Dana Two as an agent accompanying him. Nice work, Hammer.

OK, it’s swing time, the scene which features my second favorite piece of Mark Snow score (behind the beautiful lullaby in in "Paper Hearts’ (Season 4, Episode 10), of course). Scully and the Lone Gunmen locate the S. S. Queen Anne and look for Mulder while Fox and Dana Two are about to be executed. British soldiers storm the ballroom and attack the Germans. Even some of the well-dressed partygoers get into it. Hard to imagine a huge brawl is in progress while Scully and the Gunmen walk through the dark, empty hallways. Fox and Dana Two escape the ballroom and run through the halls until they are stopped by a German soldier, who is quickly dispatched by German Skinner. (As you can see, the character parallels are pretty spot on.) Dana Two and Scully then cross paths … same hallway, different dimension. (Wait, what??) Dana Two seems disgusted, but Scully just shrugs it off and keeps walking. 

The brawl continues in 1939, but the ballroom is a ghost town for our present-day heroes. Mulder lets Dana Two know how she can correct history, then Fox kisses her goodbye (Wait, what??) and she belts him. (OK, I expected that.) Mulder jumps overboard in 1939 and gets rescued in 1998. 

His Wizard of Oz moments continue when everyone comes to visit him in the hospital, “You were there, and you were there…”. Did you know Oz was released in the United States only a week before the Queen Anne timeline date? But Fox chooses this bedside moment to tell Dana, “I love you.” (Wait, what??) And, like Scully, I rolled my eyes. Of course, he’ll always believe that shiner on his left eye and cheek came from Dana Two because that’s how he rolls. But I’m sure he’s glad to be home. Because, well, there’s no place like zuhause. 

Sestra Professional:

"Triangle" is my go-to rewatch episode of The X-Files. Is it because Chris Carter crafted a homage to my favorite Alfred Hitchcock movie by filming the episode in 10-minute takes? Perhaps, although ultimately as Sestra Am said, it's more of a television take on The Wizard of Oz than Rope. For my money, it stands as Carter's greatest stand-alone episode. After more than five years, he found his own voice for a bottle ep, he's not honing in on territory better delivered by the likes of Darin Morgan or Vince Gilligan. 

In true Carter tradition, the show creator doesn't just dole out references to The Wizard of Oz, he uses the proverbial Thor's Hammer to hit us over the head with them. It's obvious in dialogue like Scully telling Mulder to close his eyes and think "There's no place like home." (Nothing about ruby slippers? Maybe Dana Two was  wearing them.) Skinner references being there with his dog, Toto. The Lone Gunmen have always been our answer to the Scarecrow, the Tin Man and the Cowardly Lion. Mulder's wrecked boat? Lady Garland. The ballroom band? Almira Guilch and the Lollipop Guild. And Captain Yip Harburg? E.Y. "Yip" Harburg wrote the words to the songs in the film.

I think there's been a mistake, I think the mistake is mine: I'd go so far as to say the entire episode is Fox's dream, a waterlogged delusion crafted in his unconscious mind to bide time while awaiting a rescue. Naturally, egocentric Mulder would have a chance to alter history. Fox would picture his enemies as Nazis. He'd be well versed on the legend of the Queen Anne. And, of course, this is what Mulder thinks people do in his absence -- Dana impatiently talks back to everyone at the FBI, threatens Spender and kisses the person who helps her; the Lone Gunmen waltz into the office at will and Skinner always backs his former charges in the end. I don't think there will be any repercussions the next time Scully goes to work, because none of it really happened. 

Kudos are certainly deserved for everyone working behind the scenes on the show. Just a couple episodes into their stay in Los Angeles, Carter wrote something up that required a lot of technical skill across the board. The sets are gorgeous -- the dark Queen Anne and the luminous FBI headquarters. Moving the cast and crew through the corridors of both, to quote Mulder while trying to convince the captain of what was going on had to be "a real bitch." Particularly in circumstances like the halls of justice, which required sets to be moved around while Scully was in the elevator to indicate the change of floors.

I don't speak Nazi: Not to leave the actors out of this mix, because all of them seem to be feeding off the urgency of filming under such restrictions. If a 10-minute take is going to be messed up by one flub, the adrenaline had to be pumping for everyone. David Duchovny is super fine at the center of this universe, but it's Gillian Anderson who really gets to take the spotlight. Dana 1-B (that's what I'll call Fox's impression of her) has so much spunk and spirit, it's easy to see why no one -- hear that, Fowley? -- will ever take her place in his heart and mind. And she also gets to chew some scenery as Dana 2. (She looks awesome in that gown, by the way.)

"Parts of it were excruciating, but parts of it were exhilarating," Anderson admitted in the official episode guide. "It was like live theater. We were taking risks, doing things differently, learning. You just go here and do this. I was resonating on a whole different level."

And if you ever ask me to break policy or protocol, I will have you written up, wrapped up and tossed out of the FBI for good: It's also the strongest episode in a while for Mitch Pileggi. Skinner 1-B and Skinner 2 are crucial to the action in mind and spirit, and that's a welcome change. James Pickens Jr. does a fine job with both the Jamaican Kersh and Sculder's FBI boss roles, and even if William B. Davis' German accent comes off a little suspect, it gives the guy portraying the most devious American an interesting parallel to play. More on Chris Owens as the dual Jeffreys in a little bit. 

Know what's also great? Carter's able to advance the Mulder and Scully relationship without offending shippers or no-romos. For all those disappointed that in Fight the Future, the near-kiss and mouth-to-mouth resuscitation were as close as they got, Fox and Dana Two come through with the best smooch these two will ever have. (I said it, I meant it.) It's perfectly timed in the heat of the adventure, with the peril at its highest. They run down hallways hand in hand, for goodness' sake. And it's all wrapped up with a pretty bow at the end when Mulder sweetly admits to Scully that he does love her, only to get a (dare I say, skeptical) "oh, brother" for his trouble. 

You saved the world, Scully: Sestra Am and I are of a similar mind when it comes to the score. I too love the swing music and its competition for me also is the "Paper Hearts" contribution. But we'll have to give a large portion of the credit to Louis Prima and Benny Goodman, for the former wrote "Sing, Sing, Sing In Swing" for the latter -- the piece used for the ballroom fight scene. In the official episode guide, Snow said similar music composed by John Williams for a similar scene in Steven Spielberg's 1941 also factored into the work. "So my piece is the third generation of the same inspiration," he said. There have been three Snow X-Files box sets and two limited editions released by La-La Land Records, but still no swinging/swinging. Hopefully some day.

I never thought of it before, but I wish "Triangle" had been the actual feature film. I know they had to advance the conspiracy by working within the confines of the mythology, but they ultimately didn't do anything but blow up -- literally and figuratively -- the television show on the big screen. "Triangle" has a lot more to offer, and it could have brought new fans into the fold the same way they envisioned it for Fight the Future.

Meta melodies: In the official episode guide, Carter said he plotted "Triangle" as a way to save film after using more of it to shoot any single show for "The Red and the Black" (S5E14) than any other XF director except Kim Manners.  "It helped that a lot of the episode was intentionally dark and gloomy," producer Paul Rabwin explained in the guide. "[Director of photography] Bill [Roe] and Chris used the dark shadows and doorways, when the camera focused on them, as optional editing points -- just like Hitchcock did." Steadicam operator Dave Luckenback handled most of the camera moves. ... Most of the Queen Anne's interior shots were filmed on the famed Queen Mary, which was used to transport troops in World War II. ... "There's a little trouble at our White House, but that'll blow over, so to speak": The reference to the Monica Lewinsky scandal might escape many of the viewers who never heard the salacious details revealed during the impeachment of President Bill Clinton.  ... Many of the costumes for the episode reportedly also were used in Titanic. ... And Pileggi, who went to school in Germany for a couple of years, penned his own dialogue, according to The Complete X-Files.

Guest star of the week: It's a bit of a cheat, but I want to laud Chris Owens. Jeffrey Spender is a character with little redeeming value to the series to date; he's written as an obnoxious simp. But I think Owens works well in the confines of this episode as both Jeffrey One and Jeffrey Two. And since I've been and will continue to be tough on the role, I wanted to point out for this one shining episode, I appreciate the contribution. 

X-Files S6E2: When Vince met Bryan...

Sestra Amateur: 

This episode could be the plot of an action movie, like The Chase with Charlie Sheen and Kristy Swanson, but with X-Files flair. Hopefully this one will have a different outcome. I’m mostly sure (but not 100 percent) that this will not end up being a romantic comedy, like The Chase. 

The driver is question is Patrick Crump, played by Bryan Cranston in a pre-Malcolm in the Middle role. He’s trying to help his wife, Vicky, who is suffering from an exploding headache. Literally, not figuratively. After Crump breaks bad (see what I did there?) and leads Nevada Highway Patrol on a high-speed pursuit in a stolen car, they puncture his tires and apprehend him. Poor Vicky is “safe” in the backseat of a cop car until her head explodes in a red, gory mess on live television. Did I mention this episode was written by Vince Gilligan?

Sculder are in Idaho on a soul-sucking FBI assignment when Fox sees the chase news footage and arranges for them to meet Mr. Crump, who now is writhing with pre-head exploding symptoms. Fox interviews Captain Van Gelder, played by character actor Michael O’Neill -- who I recognized mainly from Grey’s Anatomy, where his bitter, vengeful character Gary Clark removed the most annoying doctors from an already overstuffed cast. Luckily, he wasn’t successful at killing McDreamy, but he did inadvertently cause the loss of McDreamy’s unborn child. But I digress...

Back in the morgue, Dana inspects what’s left of Vicky’s head. Scully pokes and prods until she gets sprayed with blood and needs to be quarantined. Crump gets transported to the hospital, but his symptoms subside as the ambulance speeds up. So this might be more like Speed instead of The Chase; stay above 75 mph and his head won’t explode. Somehow, Patrick gets the jump on the trooper in the ambulance and takes Mulder hostage. Dana, not even aware Fox left the jail, calls to warn him Crump may be infected and Mulder should stay far, far away from him. Well that’s unlikely now…

Patrick threatens Fox's life, so the chase cars back off, but the helicopter follows and highway patrol officers set up a roadblock with the CDC. Scully is trying to coordinate with Captain Ven Gelder while fielding calls from Assistant Director Kersh about why Sculder are in Nevada, not Idaho. Dana, just claim Fox has a gambling addiction. Then his job will be protected by the AMA. 

Meanwhile, Crump’s headache worsens and he directs Mulder to drive west to ease the pain. Patrick tells Fox that he rushed Vicky to the hospital when she started showing symptoms, but she improved with speed. Great plan … but eventually won’t they run out of gas? Scully and the CDC search the Crump’s home, a lovely trailer in the middle of nowhere with a leashed, Cujo-like dog trying to attack everyone. They check on the Crumps’ neighbor, an elderly lady who is not infected, but almost dies of fright by their unannounced presence in her house. 

Mulder stops for gas while Patrick writhes in the backseat, but it’s a pay-before-you-pump situation since this ep predates credit-card payments. So Fox steals a newly gassed up car and takes off with Crump. Scully starts to realize the pathogen targets the inner ear and finds dead birds near the Crump property, along with a U.S. Government underground access point. Maybe Patrick’s conspiracy theories are on the mark. 

Captain Van Gelder is not amused with Mulder’s heroics and now sees him more as Crump’s accomplice than hostage. Scully speaks with Lt. Brell of the U.S. Navy about Project Seafarer and learns there was a power surge the previous morning of the ground conduction radio system. (If he’s a lieutenant, why does he have two bars instead of one? Recent demotion due to his project’s screw-up?) And Lt. Brell will not disclose what happens to living things affected by that … "power surge." 

Dana tells Fox about E.L.F. (Extra Low Frequency) waves, which he describes as “electrical nerve gas.” Mulder and Crump (Culder? Mump?) go as far west as they can, all the way to California. Scully is ready with an ambulance standing by. (Wasn’t there a westward military hospital to where they could have driven instead?) It’s a moot point anyway, Fox arrives with a dead Patrick in the back seat.

Back in D.C., Sculder are called before A.D. Kersh, and he reviews the financials of Mulder’s multi-state joyride/attempted life-saving situation. The agents leave the meeting pretty peeved. At least the Department of Defense shut down their antenna, so maybe there will be less exploding heads in Nevada. And yes, Bryan Cranston was great, Vince Gilligan was great, the episode was great. Can we watch "Triangle" now?

Sestra Professional:

It's The X-Files version of a meet-cute! Vince Gilligan, who will later create and helm Breaking Bad starring Bryan Cranston, creates a protagonist who seems more like an antagonist. Which seems valid, since our protagonist is the only man who would go to such extreme lengths to help out a racist redneck and not just let his head pop like a grape (put a pin in that description until the final series finale). I think this is a start of a beautiful friendship.

It's a sharp episode and one which demonstrates what the show will be able to accomplish in its new California environs. Miles of road spanning showing off the terrain of the good ol' U.S. of A. with bright sunlight, the perfect setting for an ultimately ill-fated road trip.

Nice opening teaser with the breaking-news bulletin, I'm sure more than one X-Files fan bemoaned a local news report interrupting his/her show upon original airing back on Sept. 10, 1993. Gilligan will use this little gem again for one of the highlights of Season 7. We're not going to have any pins left if I keep jumping ahead. (Sorry, Sestra Am, we'll have to wait until next week for The X-Files variation on our favorite Alfred Hitchcock movie.)

Investigating yet another enormous pile of doo-doo: So Mulder and Scully have been assigned the unenviable task of tracking down people who have purchased too much fertilizer. Yet I'd still rather watch the dynamic duo do that than whatever Diana Fowley and Jeffrey Spender are up to in the bowels of the FBI building in Washington. (Actually, I think I made it sound more interesting than the Season 6 writing team ever will.)

Now not only did Gilligan craft a masterful script for the future star of his landmark television show, but he's also mighty fine at writing for both Fox and Dana. And that's become something of a rare commodity, we've seen a lot of scripts in recent seasons that serve either Mulder or Scully, but not usually both. Fox's ferocity at trying to save Crump slots right into the best aspects of the character. He gets to leave behind the pretentiousness that increasingly comes off as acerbity. Even though Mulder's usually right -- and maybe right too often than he should be -- it's in standing up for the Crumps and Duane Barrys that he really fits the hero mold.

You know how to pick 'em, I'll tell you that: Even though Dana's not in the car with them, she still gets to build on the kind of determination we saw for a couple minutes in Fight the Future. Using her patented science, Scully not only figures out what's causing the cranium bursts, but also what can be done about it. And aides the investigation in critical aspects such as why Fox didn't drive Patrick into the road block and uncovers the source of the predicament. The latter is usually strictly Mulder territory and it's a most welcome change.

Last week, I mentioned reversing my initial course on Kersh. And I think this episode explains why I did. Let's face it, Sculder needs an adversary. Assistant Director Skinner is certainly more friend that foe at this point. Cigarette Smoking Man only comes out for special occasions, and as previously mentioned, Fowley and Spender are not worthy. So we need someone to ride herd on them. Kersh does it with style, and he's certainly not wrong about his directives. The duo censured by a committee that didn't include him wants them punished, and he's their new boss. So he doesn't even know that thing about Fox being right most of the time yet. I'm willing to accept his rigidity at this point, and James Pickens Jr. is mighty fine at doling that out.

You were right, they did it to you: Sestra Am mentioned the homage to Speed, but in The Complete X-Files, Gilligan admitted it's also "a rip-off of the best episode of Homicide: Life on the Street, where Vincent D'Onofrio, one of the detectives, spends the entire hour talking to a guy trapped under a train in Baltimore, and this trapped man's a real asshole. And yet, when they finally move the train off of him, and he passes away -- you feel so bad for the guy. I loved that idea and I wanted to borrow that dynamic."

It's played to perfection on all fronts, the suspense holds up. Scully and Mulder have formulated a plan of action -- maybe that should have been a clue that it wouldn't work out -- and did everything in their power to save Crump from crumpling. I believe in England they would refer to this as a "cracking" episode.

Metamphetamines: In preparation for his role, Pickens had the opportunity to observe real-life counterparts at the FBI's Los Angeles office. "They didn't get where they are by taking their work less seriously or bucking the system for no good reason," he said in the official episode guide. ... Show researcher Lee Smith contacted the military and contractors while researching Project ELF. After being told they couldn't harm anyone, a couple called back to admit ELFs could. ... Looking for the telltale placement of Gilligan's significant other, Holly Rice, in this one? The gas station Fox stops at -- Holly's. ... Farmer Virgil Nokes was played by one of Gilligan's favorite musicians, steel guitar master Junior Brown. On his own dime, Vince flew him in from Oklahoma, according to the guide. 

Guest star of the week: Cranston, no duh! He made this wholly unlikable character someone we wanted to see survive the malady that befell him -- just like Gilligan drew it up. The ex-soap actor's ability to do that will be of utmost importance going forward into the brave new world of home methamphetamine production.