No seasons-long storyline this week, no comic relief, just standard bottle-episode fare. Three 20-something guys are playing soldier in a live video game resembling laser tag. “Retro” -- the leader of this platoon -- calls for them to shoot the enemies approaching them on crotch rockets. It looks like live ammo until they hit the targets, which disappear after the “kill.” Next, they shoot Nazis, who take out one player in a slimy, neon yellow mess. But Retro moves onward and encounters the stunning Maitreya, played by Krista Allen. He bows to her, she shoots him. This scene is rated M for Mature.Sculder arrive at the FPS (First Person Shooter) Corporate Offices in Inland Empire, California. (Darn, now I want to watch the David Lynch movie, Inland Empire. I’m easily suggestible.) The security guard scans their IDs and retinas before they can enter. After that, they’re quickly joined by the company's consultants, the Lone Gunmen(?!)
The trio brings the agents to the game’s creator, Ivan, and coworker Phoebe, who are standing over Retro’s dead-in-reality body. (So that guy has been rotting on the floor for however many hours it took for the staff to contact the Gunmen, who then contacted Mulder, who arranged for him and Scully to fly across the country to investigate? This California relocation is really wreaking havoc with the suspension of disbelief on a show in which you’re supposed to believe anything is possible.) Phoebe tries to explain how Retro was in “non-combat space.” Tweaking the video replay reveals Maitreya. Phoebe doesn’t look surprised but no one else notices. That’s probably the story of her life. By the time Fox brings a picture of the killer to Dana, local Detective Lacouer and crime-scene techs are leaving. But have no fear, Darryl Musashi, the “boy wonder of virtual mayhem,” is here. Mulder and the Lone Gunmen geek out while Darryl searches for Maitreya in the virtual world. Maitreya, dressed as a ninja, disarms him quickly and literally. She says something in Japanese before beheading Darryl. This scene is rated O for Ouch!
Scully conducts Retro’s autopsy. If the agents had to scan IDs and retinas to enter the FPS building, wouldn’t the company have all Retro’s information on file? They certainly wouldn’t let an anonymous person test a groundbreaking game one week before release. Dana is clearly frustrated with the progress of her autopsy. Mulder arrives so he and Scully can voice their opposing viewpoints about violent games in today’s society. Fox has a surprise for Dana: Darryl’s severed head. (Normal men bring flowers.) But local police have a surprise for Sculder -- the female suspect is in custody. Scully interviews Jade Blue Afterglow, who claims she was paid to have her body image scanned. After a Basic Instinct homage, she is released from custody. This scene is rated I for Immature.Sculder return to FPS where they find Phoebe asleep and the Gunmen trapped in the game. Mulder suits up to save them ... and because he has an urge to blow up stuff. He chases down the assassin. The Lone Gunmen try to assist but end up leaving the game. While the others try to find out where the game and Fox went, Mulder shoots at a hyper-gymnastic Maitreya. Hey Fox, why don’t you try talking to her? That’s what Dana does with Phoebe, who reveals she created Maitreya from Jade Blue’s image while creating her own video game.
Mulder is getting his butt kicked as the team tries to figure out how to regain control of the game. He grabs a sword and progresses to Level 2. Welcome to Westworld, Fox. He’s outnumbered by multiple Maitreyas, but Scully arrives to save Mulder's skin. She does so with a seemingly unlimited supply of ammunition. Unfortunately, there’s an unlimited supply of Maitreyas. Phoebe and Ivan fight over destroying the game to save Sculder. Phoebe gives the command and our heroes are saved. I don’t know why Fox acts so victorious, Dana did all of the heavy lifting here. And it shows, thanks to Cyber Scully’s new digital design. It helped me tune out Mulder’s extraordinarily unnecessary end-of-episode narration. This voice-over is rated G for Give it a rest, Mulder.Sestra Professional:
We go from one of the better examples of fitting The X-Files into a pop-culture universe within a pop-culture universe to one of the worst examples of the same.
Visually, I suppose the idea of visualizing a videogame on broadcast television had merit. But let's face it, this episode exists to suit Mulder and Scully up in buff outfits so they can blast some stuff. It's already not my thing, I'd rather watch the much-maligned "Space" (Season 1, Episode 9) and geek out over NASA than virtual reality. Even Byers' claim that the game is the launchpad of a rocket headed to the stars doesn't appeal to my "space cadet" nature. "First Person Shooter" was written by William Gibson and Tom Maddox. The driving force behind the cyberpunk genre seemed to have leveled up to another shot at an X-Files script by besting Stephen King in a one-on-one fifth-season battle for least worst attempt at writing the show. His "Kill Switch" -- the 11th episode that year -- was slightly less onerous than the horror master's "Chinga" the previous week.
It's all about body count: The teaser quickly shows the weakness of the concept. Dialogue about bloodthirst and carnage come up very short, initiate massive eye rolling. When the agents arrive on the scene, Dana denegrades the proceedings as immature, hormonal fantasy. And while it was cool to have the Lone Gunmen back in the mix, watching the trio and Mulder prove Scully's point doesn't rack up any respect points (and would take them away if they actually existed). How many viewers cringed like Dana (and me) at the very idea of bleeding-edge technology?The tone of the episode bounces wildly back and forth between comedy -- "I'll put out an APB for Frederick's of Hollywood -- and gruesomeness. It's not helped (as it usually is) by Mark Snow's exhaustive score. We're watching people get viciously slaughtered -- kinda. But at the same time, all the men are acting like they just hit puberty. Mulder's pretty flip about it all, just minutes after he witnessed the death of an idol. And then there's the police station, chock full of cops behaving like adolescents drooling over the real-life incarnation of Maitreya.
As Sestra Am mentioned, Sculder engage one of those now-time-honored debates about whether violence in games begets violence in the real world. Scully wonders aloud why such amazing technology is being wasted, finding no redeeming value in it whatsoever. Fox considers it an outlet for certain impulses. They don't reach any kind of understanding or offer us any new and/or interesting insight on that front.
The episode loses another turn for Phoebe's clunky complaint about Dana not understanding what it's like "choking in a haze of rampant testosterone." Yeah, she couldn't possibly understand what that's like as a special agent at the FBI.And then we get to the big finale. Mulder and Scully are in the game shooting multiple Maitreyas. They -- and the Lone Gunmen before them -- get lightly winged, but none of our regulars suffer the decapitation and horrible deaths of the expert players before them. Fox decries multiple versions of the assassin as cheating. And Dana may be "in the zone" -- activate the stilted dialogue module -- but ultimately, our heroes don't beat the game. They just get saved after the most dopey of discussions over a keyboard and the use of a kill code. Suspense level: Zero.
That's entertainment ... not!! Game over, I don't want to put another token into this particular machine. Even the satisfaction of completing a full rewatch isn't worth it. But credit where credit is due, the Academy of Television Arts & Sciences was impressed enough to award the show Emmys for Outstanding Sound Mixing and Special Video Effects for this episode.
Guest star of the week: Krista Allen makes for a pretty dazzling femme fatale (in all her forms) as well as the sassy real-life counterpart whose idea of gaming leans more toward adult fare -- cosplaying Sharon Stone. Yeah, she's got game.
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