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Writer Vince Gilligan’s fingerprints are all over this one. It’s the rare bottle ep that you almost wish could be a continuing story. A woman is in labor at a West Virginia hospital and freely admits her baby daddy is from another planet. She has a nice easy labor and the baby girl sounds healthy, she just happens to have a vestigial tail. And it sounds like she’s not the only one. Considering how long the tail is, wouldn’t that have shown up on an ultrasound? Whoops, there’s that sarcastic tone of mine again.
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Mulder thinks the women’s gynecologist is behind the insemination. That’s a rather sensible approach, Fox. The agents head to Dr. Alton Pugh’s office where the other four couples are confronting him. His defense is the women had outside affairs. I smell a lawsuit. While wandering around the building, Mulder spots a plumber who is unironically showing his stereotypical plumber’s crack. Luckily, it enables Fox to see the scarred remains of a tail. He identifies himself as an FBI agent and the plumber makes a run for it. Mulder tackles him in front of Scully and the couples, then shows them the scar. DNA testing confirms the plumber – now identified as Eddie Van Blundht – fathered all five babies.
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But let’s get back to the interrogation room. Eddie is complaining because no one spells his name right. (I feel your pain, Mr. Van Blundht.) Eddie tries to take the hypothetical "no harm, no foul" angle because the couples all got the babies they wanted. Dana thinks he drugged and raped them, and Fox doesn’t have one of his usual explanations. The booking officer is taking Eddie’s information when Van Blundht transforms into him and smashes a piggy bank over the officer’s head. (Yeah, I have to ask: Why is there a piggy bank in a police station?)
The next morning the officer regains consciousness and tells everyone what he saw. Mulder finally has a theory -- physical transformation. Sculder go to Eddie’s father’s house, but he claims he hasn’t seen Eddie Jr. for two days. Senior, who was "Monkey Boy" in the circus, kept his tail his whole life, but Junior had his removed. Senior slips up and Mulder realizes they’re talking with Junior, who bolts and gets away.
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Back at the coroner’s office, Scully is cutting into Eddie Sr.’s corpse because, well, it would be awkward for her to do it anywhere else. Fox, who needs to learn to keep his hands to himself, accidentally snaps off Monkey Boy’s tail. She learns about Senior’s unusual physiology, which might explain Eddie’s ability to look like anyone. Mulder goes back to re-interview Amanda because she doesn’t fit Van Blundht's pattern. She remembers him as a loser from high school who was a huge Star Wars fan. But is she talking to Fox Mulder or Faux Mulder?
Turns out to be Option B, because Fox shows up immediately after Faux gives Amanda a rose and leaves her room. Mulder realizes what happened after getting a phone call from Fred. Hopefully Fox won’t get charged with stealing Sugar Patootie’s suit. Fox detains two hospital employees, thinking one of them must be Eddie. But neither is the right man, Eddie falls through the ceiling and crashes into Mulder, then gets away. Dana arrives to assist and leaves with Fox when he convinces her the case is not an X-File. But it’s Eddie back in Faux Mulder mode, Fox is locked in the hospital basement.
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Faux heads to Mulder’s apartment, feeds the fish and screens phone messages from the Lone Gunmen and phone sex lines. Faux shows he can at least correctly spell FBI during his really bad DeNiro Taxi Driver impersonation. But Faux Mulder is bored, so he heads to Scully’s apartment with a goofy smile and some wine. Dana tells stories about her past while they finish off the bottle. Faux leans in for a kiss, Scully does too … and Fox breaks down Dana's door. She bolts off the couch and Faux morphs back into himself. So, in just a few hours, Eddie as Faux Mulder got further with Scully than Fox has so far. Wouldn’t it have been funny if Eddie showed up as Fox in one of the Season 11 episodes? We wouldn’t have seen that coming.
Sestra Professional:
Even before me-too political correctness came into vogue, it probably wasn't right for me to enjoy "Small Potatoes" as much as I do. But it's not the first nor the last time The X-Files played fast and loose with what would be considered PC. It's tough to be able to deliver such material with as much flair and gusto as the show does, but might it still diminish the entertainment value? I'm not sure it should. It is a fictional television show, after all.
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I don't know if this episode is the one David submitted for the Emmys that year, but if it wasn't, maybe it should have been. He gives the most subtle signs that he's Faux Mulder in scenes such as the questioning of Amanda. He reacts in ways we don't usually see Fox do, so if we haven't cracked the code, we probably should have. And when we know for a fact it's Van Blundht, he shows perfect timing as the man masquerading as our hero. Not just with the instant classic "F-B-I" bit in the mirror, but with brilliant Vince Gilligan dialogue such as "Local authorities are already on the warpath," the priceless case wrapup scene in Skinner's office and the dejected face when he's discovered to be Faux.
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This is where my tax dollars go? Gilligan (and Eddie) make us look at Mulder's life in a different way. He has geeks for friends, dials phone sex chat lines with frequency and doesn't have an actual bed. Fox is a "damn good-looking man," but he's not taking advantage of god's gift to him. Not to mention how he hasn't even considered making personal inroads with Scully. Even after Van Blundht gets incarcerated, he reminds Mulder to treat himself.
I'm not sure how the shippers are supposed to react to the big bonding scene between Van Blundht's Fox and Dana. It gave a whole new showcase to the chemistry between our leads and one of the most extended looks at them outside of work to date, buuuuut since that was actually Eddie's Mulder and not the real one, I guess it probably ultimately doesn't go over too well. Just more personal proof that I'm not a shipper, I guess.
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But for all of that, we also get the sense that Fox and Dana aren't on the same wavelength a lot in this episode. Mulder tries to glean what person Scully would transform into if she could choose anyone. She doesn't even want to play the game, adding that looking like someone else and being someone else aren't the same. Fox counters that people might be treated differently when they look different. So she picks Eleanor Roosevelt and Fox's reaction indicates her choice leaves much to be desired. Then Mulder's pretty eager to see Eddie the Monkey Man's tail, but Dana quickly snuffs out that opportunity.
Did he have a lightsaber? But Dana gets to have some great lines in an episode chock full of them. I wonder how much the show had to pay the forces behind Star Wars so Amanda could "sing" the theme song she found so seductive. And she's seen the movie 368 times, expecting to break 400 by Memorial Day. I'm left wondering about Sestra Am's total about now.
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On behalf of all the women in the world, I seriously doubt this has anything to do with consensual sex: But less "Small Potatoes" sound too idyllic, Van Blundht's explanation that everyone wanted babies and he helped them do that doesn't really fly. Was this passive aggressive writing? See Morgan sorta left the show in the lurch after delivering four definitive episodes. He had been penciled in for more, but bowed out. So even though he departed the show on good terms, writing a character for him who impregnated five women without their consent kinda seems a little strident.
It's directed with a supremely fine hand by Cliff Bole, who gives all the moments their space. It collects momentum because of little things like Fox taking a moment for an eye roll when Eddie makes his first run for it, the "H" in Van Blundht sign outside the house falling when Sculder stop by the old homestead and a lingering shot that shows Eddie left Fox an apple and a soda so he wouldn't starve before taking off with Mulder's badge, gun and Scully.
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