It's only love ... love ... love for Tina

It's always a blow to lose an icon, someone beloved who we've appreciated since childhood. And that hits harder for some celebs than others because we haven't realized their impact on our lives until hearing the sad news. That's what it was like with Tina Turner.

Tina's an absolute legend in our time and a queen. She had legs and she knew how to use them. Her lore features tales about how she influenced others -- she brought out Mick Jagger's trademark strut and swagger when they played on the same bill in the '60s -- and how other icons assisted her -- as the story goes, David Bowie abetted her '80s return to superstardom by ensuring she wasn't dropped by Capitol Records. But those stories, embellished upon over the years, remain totally befitting of Tina's stature.

Upon watching the wonderful 2021 documentary Tina, it's evident she could never get totally free of the metaphorical shackles placed upon her during her relationship with abusive ex-husband Ike Turner. She was asked about it all the time in interviews. Tina thought writing a book on the subject would put an end to such questions, but because legions of women who had gone through similar circumstances identified with her, Tina still was besieged by the media for comments about what she went through. The trend continued with the release of the Oscar-nominated biopic, What's Love Got to Do with It, and again when Tina: The Tina Turner Musical hit Broadway.

With that in mind, the Sestras are presenting five favorite moments and five songs that remain ingrained in our brains by the indomitable force of nature who was born Anna Mae Bullock but whom the world came to know for being, in her resounding words, simply the best.

Sestra Paige's five seminal Tina moments:

1. River Deep, Mountain High
Phil Spector wrestled control from Ike Turner to fulfill his vision of putting Tina on top of his trademark Wall of Sound production for "River Deep, Mountain High" in 1966. It was baffling to the legendary troubled producer when the song didn't hit big in America, only climbing to No. 88 on the charts, although it was hugely popular in England and the rest of Europe. Following that, a disillusioned Spector withdrew from the music industry for a couple of years. Time has been much more kind to the song, and it now rightfully looms large in Tina's legend. Twenty-one session musicians, including Darlene Love, Glen Campbell and Leon Russell were recruited to produce the massive orchestration. In Tina, she recalled the glory of finally being able to sing in a completely different manner than what she was doing on the Chitlin' Circuit. Years later, she told Rolling Stone that during the recording she belted out the song about 500,000 times, ending up drenched in sweat and singing in her bra because her shirt was soaking wet. We can hear, and feel, all of that in the finished product.

2. The Acid Queen
The first time I saw The Who's Tommy in the '80s, I was like, what the heck is going on here? And the second, and the third, until I guess it eventually clicked for me. But what I recognized straight away was what a force Tina was as the Acid Queen. That much was undeniable. And perhaps it did serve as the gateway for eventually understanding the entire rock opera. With a queen that dangerous yet that seductive, one would be pretty much powerless to resist, right? Tina really gave everything she had to the role, she was fearless no matter what was asked of her -- and some really peculiar things were asked of her. And it was equally unsurprising that a decade later, she would wind up being crowned yet again when a whole new generation of fans was enchanted when Tina took on her role of Aunty Entity in Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome. Just in case you didn't know, there were two versions of her namesake's song, one for the Tommy soundtrack and one rerecorded for her album Acid Queen.

 

3. The Prince's Trust Rock Gala (10th Anniversary)
My tastes started shifting away from American Top 40 in the late '80s, and around this time, I found two Prince's Trust concerts on VHS. The 1986 show had a cavalcade of stars -- Paul McCartney, Eric Clapton, Elton John, Phil Collins, Mark Knopfler, etc. -- for the 10th anniversary of the charity event. Tina's the one blowing everyone else away. The video starts with her belting out "Better Be Good to Me" with the all-star band, and it's a performance of unrelenting power. Then Tina performs "Tearing Us Apart" with Clapton -- one of my all-time fave E.C. songs. She awakens the often-reserved Eric, inspiring him to impassioned vocals and solos. Tina returns at the end of the show to sing "Get Back," and the camera catches McCartney's view. Joy and perhaps a modicum of intimidation spread across his face as Tina struts and ponies across the stage in her black tank top, shimmery red mini-skirt and high heels. Which musician would be fearless enough to share the microphone with Paul? Tina, of course! Her vocals pretty much bury everyone else's, and at one point, Paul cheekily warbles, "Tina, I hear you!"

 

4. Break Every Rule Tour
The Tina moment in time I'd most like to revisit is the one I'm least able to do. I saw Tina play live once -- on Nov. 14, 1987 at the University of South Florida Sun Dome. I was living on campus at the time, so it was just a stroll up the street to see the legend. Tina's dream was to sell out football stadiums (something women were just not doing in that arena) -- and she set a world record a couple months later when 188,000 fans turned out for her Rio de Janeiro show. In Tampa, she sold out a basketball arena, and all I remember is that it was glorious. The setlist was: What You Get Is What You See, Break Every Rule, I Can't Stand the Rain, Typical Male, The Acid Queen, Girls, Two People, Back Where You Started, Better Be Good to Me, Addicted to Love, Private Dancer, We Don't Need Another Hero (Thunderdome), What's Love Got to Do with It, Help!, Let's Stay Together, Proud Mary, Show Some Respect, It's Only Love, Overnight Sensation, Nutbush City Limits and Paradise Is Here. But I've taken some solace in the fact that her Live in Europe release the following year largely includes the setlist in the same running order. I bought that on cassette when it came out, so it was as long ago as it feels.

5. Ally McBeal
I am a huge Ally McBeal fan, and truth be told, Season 3 wasn't the strongest of the show's five seasons. But one major selling point for the schizo middle season was "The Oddball Parade" with Tina's appearances at the law firm's favorite watering hole anchoring one of the episode's stories. Not only was Tina performing at the bar for a few nights, but there was also a contest to be her backup dancer at the final one. Tina opens the show with a soulful version of "A Fool in Love," and then Ally (Calista Flockhart) and Elaine (Jane Krakowski) prep for the auditions. One would think there's no way hyper-talented songstress/dancer Elaine would lose out to Ally, but the show's not called Elaine Vassal, is it? There are some fun cutaways to Tina during the auditions, which utilized "Proud Mary" riffs to weed out the competition, and Tina chuckles heartily at some of the more outrageous contestants. Eventually, Ling (Lucy Liu) helps Elaine save face, and even though Ally doesn't get to be buddy buddy with Tina, she does live out her dream ... until she starts having McBeal-ian fantasies during Tina's otherwise jaunty performance of "When the Heartache Is Over."

Sestra Leah's five favorite Tina songs:
I don’t have a personal memory of Tina Turner. I didn’t see her perform live in concert. I didn’t meet her at comic cons celebrating Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome. Most shockingly, there are no Tina songs soundtracking key moments in my life. But Tina entertained and inspired people; her decades-long legacy is a true example of that. 

 

1. It’s Only Love: I find it amusing that my favorite Tina song is actually a Bryan Adams song. It's included on his 1984 album Reckless, which was released six months after Tina’s comeback album Private Dancer. There’s a live version that was recorded during Turner’s Private Dancer Tour in 1985 that gives me goosebumps. “Tryan” (or “Bryna?”) are having so much fun during that song. If they toured together when I was an adult, then I’m sorry I missed it.

2. Let’s Stay Together: Tina included a cover of Al Green’s classic love song from 1971 on the Private Dancer album. I used to wonder whether she was singing it to/for someone specific. Have you read the lyrics? They’re desperate, emotional, optimistic and pessimistic at the same time. I hope she just sang it because she loved Al’s song. That’s why I sing it.

3. We Don’t Need Another Hero (Thunderdome): I was late to the Mad Max party. Really late. Like “Fury Road looks go so I’ll start watching them” late. Fury Road was released in 2015. I finally started watching the four movies in 2020. (Blame COVID. Or thank you, COVID. Your call.) The third movie, Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome, was released in 1985 with Tina curiously cast as a ruthless ruler in a post-apocalyptic world. (And her name Aunty Entity sounds so benign.) The soundtrack consists mainly of Maurice Jarre’s movie score, but Tina sang this song which played over the end credits. Of course, it ended up being one of her most popular chart hits and still gets frequent airplay. Fun fact: Tina’s saxophonist is Tim Cappello, who most Gen Xers recognize from 1987’s The Lost Boys, in which he performed a live version of The Call’s "I Still Believe." Definitely my favorite scene in that movie.

4. Typical Male: Tina definitely seemed to favor the same writers when she got onto the Capitol label. Terry Britten and Graham Lyle received writing credit for "What's Love Got to Do with It," "We Don’t Need Another Hero (Thunderdome)" and this song, which was included on Turner’s Break Every Rule album in 1986. (They wrote a bunch of other Tina songs, but that’s for someone else’s list to cover.) This is a nice feel-good tune which will have your head bopping and your toe tapping before you even realize it.

5. I Don’t Wanna Fight: In 1993, Tina’s story was released as a major motion picture starring Angela Bassett as Tina and Laurence Fishburne as Ike. The movie, What’s Love Got to Do with It, performed well at the box office and resulted in some well-deserved acting awards and nominations for its stars. Since it's based on Tina’s autobiography, her input and cooperation were essential. She sang this song for the movie which, surprisingly, was not originally written for her. Doesn't it feel like the perfect ending to that chapter of her life? This song reminds me of "Layla" by Derek and the Dominos. To simplify its history, Eric Clapton wrote it about Pattie Boyd, a woman he loved who was married to his friend, George Harrison. You can hear the desperation and pain in the lyrics in the 1970 recording. Flash forward to 1992. A more mature, world-weary Eric Clapton performed "Layla" live for MTV Unplugged. That version shows how Slowhand evolved and the tale just became a mellow, matter-of-fact bookend to his life’s trauma. The following year, in 1993, Tina accomplished the same vibe with "I Don’t Wanna Fight." She not only survived, she persevered.

X-Files S11E10: Our final 'Struggle'

Sestra Amateur: 

Well, we made it! A little more than seven years, 217 episodes, two movies and an X-Fest that resulted in the epic cover photo on the Sibling Cinema Facebook page. At times it was a … struggle … but this was quality time with my Sestra, so it was totally worth it. 😊

How does it end for FBI Special Agents Fox Mulder and Dana Scully? "My Struggle IV" already has a giant negative against it; "My Struggle III" (Season 11, Episode 1) revealed Cigarette Smoking Man to be William’s father, not our long-suffering hero, Fox. Some of you may be surprised to see me writing something positive about Mulder, whose actions I’ve called on the carpet more times than not. But at least he loves Dana and had a consensual sexual relationship with her. Cancer Man’s actions toward Scully over the course of this series are beyond reprehensible. 

I can’t even imagine the existence of a fan base that “ships” Scully and CSM. (Skullsmoking? Cancerly?) William’s paternity is a plot twist “worthy” of a writers’ strike scab. (Need examples? Think of your favorite show’s storylines from the 1988 and 2007-'08 TV seasons. Some never survived. RIP Pushing Daisies.) But The X-Files' creator himself, Chris Carter, has the sole writing credit on "My Struggle III" and "IV." How did he plan to fix this mess? Did he think he would have the time and broadcasting ability to right (write?) this wrong in Season 12? Well, let’s jump in and see what Carter does. Or did.

There’s a frantic pace to this episode. I know it was written that way but after lollygagging in bottle episodes since "Ghouli" (S11E5), which advanced William’s story, this feels unnecessarily forced. As I mentioned earlier, we’re not off to a great start. I’m currently enduring what will hopefully be the final voiceover of the rewatch. Teenaged William is the offender this time. He’s explaining his psychic connection to birth mother Dana, his happy childhood, his growing powers. From visions, William knows CSM is his father. At least he despises the old man even if he doesn’t really know why. Meanwhile, drama is playing out between Cancer Man and his eldest son, Fox, but we’ll come back to that. Instead, we flash back to Agent Mulder hunting down William in a cheap motel in Norfolk, Virginia.

At FBI Headquarters, Assistant Director Walter Skinner is having a bad day. Deputy Director Alvin Kersh is giving him an earful about Mulder encouraging Tad O’Malley’s conspiracy theories. (You remember Tad, don’t cha? Played by the always-entertaining Joel McHale, we last saw him in S10E6's "My Struggle II"). Kersh is being his usual rigid self; he wants the X-files closed – again! – and Team Sculder fired from the FBI – again! (I know James Pickens, Jr. is capable of so much range. I never understood why XF writers chose not to take advantage of it more often.) 

Cancer Man taunts Walter on the phone about releasing the contagion unless Skinner finds William. Finally, Scully corrals Walter, begging for his help because Mulder and William are being pursued. Dana takes credit for the alarmist comments attributed to Fox on O’Malley’s web show. Flash back even further and we see Team Sculder are receiving information from former ally Monica Reyes about William’s whereabouts. Monica hangs up then pleads ignorance when CSM asks her whether she has any information about his son. Maybe we’re finally seeing the real Monica Reyes again. I certainly hope so.

Mulder attempts to locate William but gets accosted by Mr. Y’s security team. Remember Mr. Y? He was working with Erika Price (Barbara Hershey) in "My Struggle III." Surprisingly, Fox gets the jump on them and holds Mr. Y at gunpoint. The man claims people will kill to have what William has. Then Mulder kills another guard and – before he can obtain more information – Mr. Y. Dana’s investigation leads Fox to a convenience store in Tennessee. Someone puts a tracker on Mulder's Mustang while Fox follows his next lead: William hitched a ride with a trucker.

Scully calls O’Malley to tell him about the impending unleashed virus. He, of course, wants her to go on the record. Mulder finds the 18-wheeler but William is gone. Probably because the kid terrorized the truck driver. I think that’ll be the last hitchhiker he ever picks up. Dana tries to warn Fox about the future but he’s obsessed with finding “his” son. Meanwhile, the man who was tracking Mulder stumbles across William and offers him a ride. William heads to his ex-girlfriend’s house. You'll remember her from "Ghouli." Actually, there are two ex-girlfriends; William goes to see Sarah Turner while Fox ends up at Brianna Stapleton’s house. Brianna isn’t very helpful but Sarah agrees to meet William (aka Jackson) at a nearby motel. Mulder gets to Sarah’s house, and when he tells her he's William's father, she gives him her ex’s hiding location. 

Fox arrives at the motel in Norfolk and hugs the boy after saying he's William’s father. Meanwhile, Erika finds what’s left of the tracker who gave William a ride. Kind of looks like William did more than scare his driver this time. William expresses his frustration to Mulder about the future. The kid thinks his own death will prevent it from happening. Unfortunately, that’s when Erika and her men break into the motel room. Mulder nobly tries to save William but the teen can take care of himself. He explodes Erika and her three henchmen with his mind. (The cleaning deposit is not going to cover that.) William takes off and a devastated Fox calls Scully. Instead of firing Dana, Skinner drives her to Norfolk.

You’ve got to give O’Malley’s followers credit; he already has video footage of the bloody motel room slaughter. Back in his car, Mulder calls Sarah to help him find William. She directs him to a sugar factory near the docks. While Team Sculner head toward Mulder, Walter tells Dana the truth about William’s father. Mulder flies past them with Scully and Skinner in hot pursuit. After they arrive at the factory, Dana searches for Fox and her son while Walter investigates an occupied vehicle nearby. Scully finds Mulder; Skinner finds Cancer Man and Reyes. CSM makes Monica speed toward Walter and he shoots at the driver. Yes, Skinner killed Reyes. (So much for her redemption. Who’s going to tell John Doggett?) The speeding car then careens into Skinner. Congratulations, Mr. Carter. You managed to make a bad storyline much, much worse.

Back to the Sculder drama; Fox tries to convince Dana to let William go. Actually, it’s William glamouring himself as Mulder. (Remember, he can look like anyone.) Fox arrives and the chase continues. Meanwhile, Cigarette Smoking Man, barely fazed by the car crash, picks up Skinner’s gun. During the chase, William changes back into Mulder. That’s when Cancer Man finds him and holds “Fox” at gunpoint. William keeps up the charade until CBG Spender shoots him in the head. “Mulder’s” body falls into the water while the real Fox shoots his father several times then pushes him into the water. (Right, because measly bullets are going to kill a man who was literally blown to pieces and still came back to life.) Scully finally catches up to Mulder. They cry over William for about 12 seconds, then Dana reveals she’s pregnant. But William’s not actually dead. He doesn’t even look like he took a bullet to the head. Guess he'll get his wish to be left alone. Now will somebody please go check on Skinner?!?!

Sestra Professional: 

It's all come down to this. Or more appropriately, it's all come down to this?!?!

When The X-Files started, Dana Scully was a beacon. In the Clarice Starling/The Silence of the Lambs mold, she exhibited smarts while being able to hold her own in an environment largely dominated by men. Not only did she inspire women to get into her chosen field(s), be it medicine or law enforcement, she sparked the rest of us to follow in her "little feet" -- Mulder's words from S3E13's "Szyzygy," not mine -- to have faith and do what's right. In the end, "what's right" wasn't done by her.

This may be your last good chance: Monica Reyes has gotten the short end of the stick as well. When we blogged the final episode of the original series run, I said I found her to be the most standup character of the entire series. She told the truth in "The Truth" (S9E19) no matter what it was going to cost her, because that's who she was as a person. We've never gotten a satisfactory answer about why she worked for the Cigarette Smoking Man. And to me, this oversight is just as egregious. I can't forgive or overlook these offenses because the insipid "My Struggle" saga tainted one of my favorite shows of all time.

But back to Scully, this woman is so attuned to her son that she foresaw the pandemic through William's eyes. That was a lot more on target than the purported alien invasion of Dec. 22, 2012, once allegedly soooo important to the series but never referenced again after that date passed. And now our big finale starts with a voiceover by Jackson/William. I could buy this particular bit of business if there was a revival/reboot centered around his antics, but as a capper to our 11 years/two movies of pain and suffering, uh, nope.

I had some payback to pay back: And somehow Dana gets pushed to the side as "My Struggle IV" largely becomes about fathers and sons. We've already seen the Fox/CGB dynamic play out many times. Not to mention Kersh calling for Mulder and Scully's badges and Skinner trying to cover for them ... nice to see you guys, but yeah, another big ol' yawn. Apparently Chris Carter's at the bottom of his writing bag of tricks (it wasn't that big to begin with). Now he's got Mulder shooting guns more than shooting off his mouth. Talk is cheap in the finale.

Except where Dana's concerned, because she gets to play whistleblower and give Tad O'Malley the exclusive he's been jonesing for since we first heard of him. Although that wasn't real, that was what the future might be, right? Now I'm all mixed up. Oh well, nevermind. Meanwhile, William's got his own soap opera going on with two girls willing to cover for him as much as they can, even though they both seem to know things aren't going to pan out with him. Our only smile of the episode probably is David Duchovny's daughter, West, as Sarah's friend saying the line: "I don't believe you're his father."

Death will hunt you down: I guess I just don't understand the point of chasing the kid when they know they can't contain him and he'll just make them implode or explode. They must have been just hoping against hope for containment. Baddies like Mr. Y and Erika Price didn't display much personality, but they used to come across with more definition in the days of the Well-Manicured Man. In fact, I think we got better motivation from Season 1 Monsters of the Week. There was no investment in these people, so we aren't bothered when their heads get squeezed like grapes. (That last bit is not of my invention, but from a review I read at the time that seems to be lost in the ethers. It's still in my mind, though. Maybe it's the Mengele Effect ... or the Mandela Effect.)

Sestra Am rightfully points out that we indeed didn't get justice for Monica, nor any justification we were looking for in regard to her uncharacteristic flip to the dark side. Those of us who care about such things probably still think CSM was holding the welfare of John Doggett over her head, because personal safety wasn't something the show's more forthright character seemed to be more concerned about. I might kind of buy it if her rationalization was still Mulder and Scully, as her impassioned speech during "The Truth" showed how outraged she was at the treatment they were getting after all they did for humanity. And no one thinks Skinner's really kaput, right?

It's more than impossible: As for Mulder-CSM's final standoff, apparently no one but Fox thought CGB wouldn't shoot his first-born son. And as Sestra Am pointed out, no one's going to buy his death from a few bullets and a push off a pier when ultimate evil survived inflagration from a rocket. These things are no more or less believable than Dana and Fox getting a second chance at having a kid. A normal one at that. So with that eye-rolling plot device, the Sculder story comes to a conclusion. Except our heroes don't even get the last shot of their show, because there's William's noggin emerging from the water. So a pandemic is still on the way, and unlike the 2012 alien invasion, that one actually happened.

How to get past all of this? I'll start with rewatches that don't include the Season 11 "My Struggle" components. I have so many great memories associated with The X-Files -- among them, attending the X-Files Expo in Miami in 1998, going to see Fight the Future in the theater and having pizza afterward to discuss every little moment, the frenetic "It's Krycek!" phone calls during the commercials of the original airing of "S.R. 819" (S6E9),  podcasting with the dedicated denizens of X-Cast and meeting so many fellow X-Philes at the X-Fests, the fun of getting autograph additions for the "yearbook" (my copy of The Complete X-Files) and the ultimate capper, seven-plus years of this rewatch blog with my amazing Sestra (she's a pro!) 

The X-Files' future remains up in the air, but we will be back. Perhaps that revival/reboot will come to pass, but we'll definitely have a rewatch blog for the spinoff Lone Gunmen series. The truth is out there, and we want to help find it.

Guest star of the week: Disappointment in the last show was all about the story, not the performances, but seriously, what a waste of Oscar nominee Barbara Hershey as Erika Price. Still, William/Jackson was set up well to be the centerpiece of a reboot, and Miles Robbins seemed more than up to that task. With very little to go on, he became part of this franchise and a possible face for fighting the future.

X-Files S11E9: Death does not become her

Sestra Amateur: 

If you enjoy watching Surgery TV, then this is the episode for you. It’s starts with a close-up shot of a patient being cut open by his surgeon. (Hope you’re not eating while watching this.) At the same time, there’s a girl on a rooftop in the Bronx listening to a conspiracy theorist radio program and spouting religious phrases. The surgeon removes the heart; hope it’s for a legitimate transplant. A second surgeon removes the pancreas, licks it (yeah, you should’ve stopped eating by now) and gives it to his partner for bagging. Did I mention they’re not actually in a hospital? Meanwhile, the girl breaks into the – warehouse? – and takes out the person carrying a cooler of human organs. One of the surgeons shoots at her. She stabs one doctor to death while the other escapes with some of the organs. The girl leaves the recovered cooler outside of a hospital with “I will repay” written in flawless cursive.

Special Agent Dana Scully is taking communion in a D.C. Catholic church when she gets the call about a new case. She and Special Agent Fox Mulder respond quickly to the Bronx warehouse, where they learn their reputations precede them. They also learn the “donor” was perfectly healthy before these surgeons decided to commandeer his vital organs. Scully notes the unusual weapon of choice used to kill two of the suspects: metal dowels. Mulder scares away the local detectives by implying they were killed vampire-style. Since a liver and pancreas are still missing, Dana searches for local hospitals performing recent liver transplants. She and Fox also realize whoever brought the organs to the hospital did not do it for material gain. Meanwhile, someone is feeding liquified human remains to communal residents in a group home. Elsewhere in the house, a conjoined couple and another female are watching a sitcom rerun. The female, Barbara Beaumont, seems to be the actress in the comedic episode but she hasn’t aged. Probably because she is also drinking that nasty-looking red concoction.

Scully lights a prayer candle in a Bronx church before discussing the case with Mulder. She thinks it’s mob-related, not an X-file, so she wants to turn it over to NYPD. She picked the right church, the girl from the beginning of the episode – Juliet Bocanegra – wanders in to talk with Father Hardy. Meanwhile, Barbara Beaumont is livid because she did not get all of the organs she expected. She’s a quasi-cult leader for a commune that has taken up residence in a local apartment building. Dr. Randolph Luvenis (Dear John's Jere Burns) lives there too. (His last name means "youth," so we now know what’s going on.) 

Back in the church, Juliet lets her priest know she’s doing more than praying for things to change, especially in regards to her missing sister, Olivia. And Mulder – not Scully – notes the daily prayer contains the same verbiage as the words on the cooler. Dana confesses to Fox she doesn’t really believe in miracles but she does believe in the power of faith. Outside the church, Mulder notices three metal dowels missing from the church’s fence. Well, we know where two of them are.

Barbara is concerned because she’s starting to look older than 33. Dr. Luvenis is apparently 85 years old. He doesn’t look that old because he’s currently conjoined to a young woman named Kayla. I guess he’s siphoning Kayla’s vitality and using it to prevent his own aging. They trick the young men and women into cooperating by promising them some type of ascension right before killing them. Barbara murders Kayla and severs the dead girl from Dr. Luvenis because she refuses to reward the bad doctor for failing her. Unfortunately, Kayla had no nutritional value for Barbara, kind of like Cheez Doodles or Kool-Aid.

Team Sculder ends up at Juliet’s house looking into Olivia’s disappearance. (Father Hardy pointed them to the Bocanegra house because Juliet’s words and possible actions unnerved him.) Juliet claims Olivia left willingly to join a cult and change who she is. Mulder is already on the right page with Juliet, but she slams the door in their faces. Dr. Luvenis leaves to track down the organs left outside the hospital. 

Somehow, Barbara has convinced her cult members they are happy. They’re willing to die just to keep her looking youthful. She sings "The Morning After" while one disciple commits suicide. (I guess that’s one way to stop listening to her.) Olivia prepares a human organ smoothie for Barbara while the others devour the dead disciple directly from the source. (Yeah, I think I’ll stick with pasta for dinner tonight. With white sauce, not red.) Dr. Luvenis returns with the recovered organs. Barbara “rewards” Olivia by choosing her to be conjoined with Randolph. 

Luckily, our intrepid heroes tagged the heart with a tracker and arrive at Barbara’s apartment building. Scully has trouble believing the super has never seen Ms. Beaumont in the seven years he has worked there. It’s not that far-fetched; after all, it’s New York. And frankly, it’s less likely a tenant would pay the rent early every month for seven years. With his new “progressive” glasses, Mulder reads Barbara’s Wikipedia-style webpage and learns she’s married to Dr. Luvenis and joined a life extension commune. (Red flags everywhere!)

Team Sculder meets Barbara and she feels slighted because they don’t recognize her. The cult members attack Fox and Dana, then throw Scully down the garbage chute. Luckily, Juliet bursts in and stabs Barbara with the third metal dowel. As Mulder searches for his partner, he finds Dr. Luvenis and Olivia downstairs and is understandably disgusted. Randolph claims he developed a cure for aging. Olivia starts seizing and Dr. Luvenis threatens to cut her if Fox intervenes. Juliet swoops in and clocks the bad doctor in the back of the head. Mulder finds Scully and she is relatively unhurt after landing on years of trash. Then Juliet turns herself in for the crimes she committed.

Dana and Fox return to the church. They lament Scully's poor career choice of staying with the X-files, but take their equivalent of a step forward, relationship-wise. I wonder if most fans wished this episode was the season (and de facto series) finale. But nooooo, Chris Carter will make us endure yet another "My Struggle" episode.

Sestra Professional:   

They're coming to get you, Barbara.

We're up to the penultimate show of the series (at least as we currently know it), so it seems only fitting that "Nothing Lasts Forever" hearkens back to the spiritual elements that have been a through line on the show. Not expecting to find any evidence of that in the finale.

Sure, this ep is a particularly gory one, but first-time writer Karen Nielsen makes it congeal with the ongoing thread of Scully's faith. Despite everything she's seen, everything she's been through, she still has it.

Staked through the heart, you mean: It's a little disheartening to see the alleged best and brightest up-and-comers in law enforcement don't consider Mulder a folk hero. They're still considering Fox and Dana to be interlopers who turn cases upside down, just like way back in Season 1. It's no small wonder that the show couldn't continue, there's no one at the bureau with the slightest interest in discovering why grizzly crime scenes happen, they just want facts that can be discerned in a garden-variety game of Clue. 

But Mulder has certainly grown, he knows how to dispatch agents quickly so he and Scully can have time and space to assess situations. Dana's come up with a few new plays as well, putting a tracker into an organ so they can bait a suspect is a different spin. But Fox definitely loses points for not noticing his partner's haircut until now -- the rest of us noticed it two episodes ago in "Rm9sbG93ZXJz." 

Scully's more detail-oriented. She picks up on Mulder's bifocals, er, progressive lenses right away. (I still haven't learned how to deal with my own, but at least they don't look like the oversized glasses that seemed to take over half your face in the '70s. And I'm thinking of my all-time show guest star Charles Nelson Reilly (Season 3, Episode 20) donning them on Match Game now.)

I do it just for kicks: Speaking of the '70s, our villainess -- I guess she can be classified as our final Monster of the Week, 'cause an 85-year-old woman who looks as young as she does isn't a garden-variety baddie. She indeed comes off as both beauty and light and ugliness and pain. We haven't had a cult episode in quite some time, if we put aside the aforementioned hipsters who seem to follow the FBI playbook chapter and verse. 

As has occurred several times in the revival, there's a bit of revisionist history with another Charlie story. The sibling we didn't know about had rheumatic fever at age 4, and Dana was "forced" to pray every night for his recovery. That gets us back to Scully's faith, and we're reminded that when she needs strength, Mulder is always there to provide it -- no matter which way or how hard the wind is blowing against him. He reminds her that all we have are the results of the choices we have made. And, yes, at the end of the day, we just hope we made the right ones.

Let's keep on looking for the light: Meanwhile, "The Scientist and the Showgirl" cult continues on its merry way, but its plan will go down faster than a felled cruise ship. A fitting analogy considering Barbara's penchant for singing "The Morning After" from The Poseidon Adventure. I seriously don't blame the guy who stabbed himself while she was singing, I could wind up on the precipice if that continues to be my earworm.

But attaching themselves back-to-back, how does that even work? Beyond basic biological functions, it doesn't work on a basic comfort level -- what do you do if you have to scratch an itch or want to brush your hair? And don't any of those other young 'uns, who look more like disenchanted runaways than people who society may have forgotten about, have friends or family looking for them?

No matter, because when in doubt, you always have your sestra! Thank goodness for Juliet, because our myopic agents -- talking about their strategy, not Fox's naturally deteriorating eyes -- were very short-sighted about calling for backup, not to mention forsaking the ol' flashlights in favor of flipping an electrical switch when they entered the commune.

I always wondered how this was going to end: With the cult vanquished, Dana is free to ruminate about the candle that she lit going out, and Mulder can show how he's really grown over the course of these many years. He may not believe in God, but he believes in Scully. He's prepared to relight her candle, extending her prayer conversation through his own. They both finally seem to be in the right place for the leap forward together.

Guest star of the week: Vroom, Vroom! That's Fiona Vroom seamlessly capturing the essence of an 85-year-old woman (?!?!) with a visage that easily appeals to the element of society looking for someone to cling to, but makes the rest of the world go, "uh, no."

X-Files S11E8: The Chuckleteeth Witch Trials

Sestra Amateur: 

You’ll have to forgive me. I’ve been watching What We Do in the Shadows, so whenever I see the word “familiar,” I think of a human who is recruited to care for and protect his/her vampire master. Let’s see if that’s the case here, literally and figuratively.

In Eastwood, Connecticut, a young boy named Andrew is holding the world’s creepiest doll – it’s even creepier than the clown doll in Poltergeist – while playing in a park. Mom takes a phone call while Andrew sees a human-sized version of Mr. Chuckleteeth (what a dumb name) and chases him into the woods, unbeknownst to his distracted mother. It’s reminiscent of the scene from Stephen King’s IT -- the little boy is wearing a yellow raincoat, the camera zooms in on him, bloody remains are left behind. This sounds like an X-file!

Special Agents Dana Scully and Fox Mulder are called to the scene. After analyzing photographs, Dr. Scully believes the boy was murdered. Local police think it’s an animal attack. To a degree, so does Mulder. He’s thinking coywolves or hellhounds. Fox also reminds Dana that the surrounding area has a history of witch hunts. At least he presents a united front for law enforcement. Scully examines Andrew’s body and still thinks the cause of death is homicide-related, possibly by the father. Mulder is concerned because the 5-year-old girl playing in the park wasn’t interviewed. Probably because she’s the police chief’s daughter.

The town holds a memorial for little Andrew. His parents, Diane and Rick Eggers, are livid they can’t bury their son. Officer Wentworth tells Rick, a fellow cop, about Dana’s suspect profile. Chief Strong tells his wife, Anna, to let the feds interview their daughter, Emily. Fox tries to talk with Emily, but she’s more interested in her Teletubbies knockoff show. Anna provides some background information but nothing useful. Luckily, the Strong library has a book entitled Grimoire of the Eastwood Witch. (Maybe my Shadows exposure will be useful after all.) Mulder is about to leave when Mr. Chuckleteeth appears on the show and Emily claims she saw him in the forest.

Scully meets with Chief Strong to discuss Officer Eggers’ alibi. Unfortunately, Rick thinks local sex offender Melvin Peter matches Dana’s profile, so he disobeys orders and heads to Peter’s house. Scully and Chief Strong follow him there. Eggers loses it, but Strong is able to disarm him. Meanwhile, Fox is wandering the crime scene and sees a wolf while he’s talking on the phone to Scully. He heads to Dana’s location where Chief Strong has obtained a search warrant. (They’re all using flashlights while searching the sex offender’s residence because the electricity seems to be off.) They learn Peter likes dressing up as a clown and he has a Mr. Chuckleteeth doll. Meanwhile, the town’s residents are acting more like a vigilante mob. If they had their way, Melvin would be burned at the stake like a witch.

Back at the Strong home, Little Emily is still watching that creepy show. She sees one of the Teletubbie wannabes outside her door. Anna, who was in the kitchen, realizes her daughter is gone. The poor child is found mutilated in the woods, just like Andrew. Chief Strong is already grieving when a devastated Anna arrives and blames him for everything that has happened. At the crime scene, Mulder uncovers a magic circle made of salt as well as a Puritan graveyard. Fox confronts Chief Strong, who admits he knew witchcraft was involved. He confesses to having an affair with Diane Eggers – she was distracted by his phone call the day Andrew was murdered – and says Diane tried to end it. Strong believes he’s being punished for his sins.

Eggers finds Peter and beats the tar out of him in front of a large crowd until Officer Wentworth intervenes. Unfortunately, he’s only one man and once Wentworth is subdued, the mob continues attacking Melvin. Team Sculder arrives to diffuse the situation but Eggers takes the law into his own hands and shoots Peter in the head. By the way, you probably figured out Melvin had nothing to do with Andrew or Emily’s murders. This was truly a modern-day witch hunt.

At Rick’s arraignment, he is released from custody with a pathetically low bond. Afterward, Wentworth provides information to Scully and Mulder that proves Peter could not be the killer. Strong wants Wentworth to stop investigating. Eggers returns home and confronts his wife about her affair with his boss. They separate and Rick goes gunning for someone else. Diane speeds away from the house and flips her car when she thinks she sees Andrew in the road. There’s a distinctive growl at the crash scene. A hound from hell maybe? 

At the Strong residence, Rick wants to kill his boss but gets distracted by a demonic-looking Mr. Chuckleteeth on the television. Eggers finds Strong and they draw down on each other. Team Sculder arrives and find Eggers’ dead body. Fox realizes the grimoire is missing. Strong is heading back to the woods when he finds Diane’s crashed car. He thinks he sees her so he follows her into the woods. Instead, he finds Anna trying to fix her mistake. See? This is why you shouldn’t use witchcraft for revenge. Unfortunately, the hellhound takes care of Chief Strong while Anna watches in horror. (Clearly this is not the “familiar” I was familiar with.) 

Mulder and Scully arrive and try to save Anna but she manages to set herself on fire. It’s pretty cool how the grimoire wasn’t damaged by the flames. Now that all of the main characters who should be punished are dead, Team Sculder hightails it out of town. I hope Wentworth becomes Eastwood’s new Chief of Police.

Sestra Professional:   

We're deep into Season 11, so it seems like a great time to have a regulation eerie X-file. This one came to us courtesy of Benjamin Van Allen, a writers' assistant during the revival, and was helmed by longtime X-Files fan Holly Dale (her first and only credit for the show).

Watching "Familiar" brought back memories of my interview for The X-Cast when Dale talked about coming aboard, kind of in response to complaints that not enough women were behind the camera on the series. Just FYI, Dale reminded me that most of the people writing episodes at that point in the revival were also directing them. So there weren't too many opportunities for any newcomers, be they women or men. Strike down the discord on this occasion. It's going to be a lot harder to do that in a couple more episodes.

Mr. Chuckleteeth, won't you play with me? This one starts in trademark fashion, with a mother so distracted by who she's talking to on the phone that she doesn't watch her kid, let alone listen to what Andrew is telling her. The way Mr. Chuckleteeth swiftly appears and disappears from view, the last thing I'd want to do is chase him through the forest. I'm kind of surprised a kid in that day and age would follow, we're talking about a culture in which clowns have been displaced as entertainment figures and now fit more into the horror category.

Scully seems to have her head on straight while Mulder goes pinballing through an array of different options. Some sound logical (just because there were bogus witch trials doesn't mean there wasn't witchcraft being practiced) and some sound completely implausible (hellhounds and spontaneous combustion, so -- of course -- that winds up being the case.) I'll give Fox full marks for backing up his homie, though, when it counted most -- namely in front of local law enforcement.

They're pushing another story: When Mulder gets to interview the young witness, I'm guessing he might have had an easier time of it had the Bibbletiggles not been on the television while he was doing so. The mother complains about not being able to drag her kid away from the screen, but she's not doing much to stop it either. There's a lot of this kind of thing in this episode, but how else would Fox have gotten his lead?

Social media went crazy upon original airing when the little girl was named Emily. I mean, I get the point, there are thousands of names out there -- why pick one that can get Dana thinking back upon her first child? Then again, how many times do you run across someone with the same first name? Probably a lot. 

Our traditional X-file heads in a different direction when Andrew's dad tries to dispense his own brand of vengeance. Eggers is about as scary as the random wolf/hellhound Fox runs across in the forest. By the way, if Rock, Paper, Scissors was an animal game with, say, Wolf, Fox and Monkey, would wolf beat Fox or would Fox beat wolf?

Van Allen and company do raise an interesting point through Mulder. What happened to the presumption of innocence that used to be afforded by the Constitution? Scully and the townspeople did kind of rush to judgment against the bewildered alleged sexual predator in a way that we're familiar with seeing in America. Then again, I kind of would have expected Dana to have more information at hand on his case so she wouldn't wind up on the wrong side of the argument.

I've opened the gates of hell: The very weak Chief Strong may have opened those gates, but apparently the town's denizens have been leaning hard against them for some time. Why Eggers was allowed to keep his gun after his initial violent outburst is beyond me, let alone the light bail and retention of his piece after his arraignment. It really did become a self-fulfilling prophecy with mass hysteria and mob violence.

Sometimes I kind of wish Mulder wasn't right at the end of the day. This would be one of those times. Now they're going to have to update the town's tourist literature after all.

Guest star of the week: There were a few nice variations on the theme this week, and I'm going to go with Keith Arbuthnot, who did a lot of fine cloaked work for the series during the revival. Besides the nimble Mr. Chuckleteeth, he was also Chatter Man in "Home Again" (Season 10, Episode 4), the Sega-driving alien in "The Lost Art of Forehead Sweat" (S11E4) and the title character in "Ghouli" (S11E5). 

X-Files S11E7: Got a hot tip for ya

Sestra Amateur: 

This is The X-Files’ most Black Mirror-esque episode yet. It’s also an unusual one because it’s heavy on the visuals and light on dialogue. There is the obligatory voiceover to start the ep, but it’s not one of our regulars. This one requires backstory about artificial intelligence (AI) and a social media experiment gone wrong over the course of one day. Imagine if Cyberdyne Systems from The Terminator existed on Twitter. (Yep, it could’ve been that bad.) On the upside, this episode is loaded with some awesome Base64 code computer passwords, way better than “trustno1.”

It’s sushi night for Special Agents Fox Mulder and Dana Scully at Forowa Restaurant. They’re the only ones in a restaurant so high-tech that there’s no human waitstaff to assist them. Dana, sporting a new bob, is trying to read an article about Elon Musk on her smart phone, but the restaurant’s AI wants to know how her dining experience was before she even tastes the food. Fox is busy trying to prove he’s a human on his own smart phone, but he’s having trouble. (I always get tripped up with the crosswalk ones. I swear I’m a human!)

Scully’s unnerved by the lack of other humans in the restaurant, but their food arrives and she gets distracted, especially when she sees Mulder’s meal. We get genuine laughs out of Dana as she takes a pic of Fox with the purple blobfish from hell and watch her smugly enjoying her near-perfect sushi order while Mulder tries to return his “meal.” Fox goes into the kitchen and notices everything is automated. Mulder quits while he’s behind and pays for his meal at the table. After declining to leave a tip, the machine refuses to give back his credit card. He hits the table with his fist, which causes the restaurant to go into defensive mode. Team Sculder tries to leave but they’re locked in!

A resourceful Scully jimmies the lock on the front door and they escape. But now they’re locked out so Fox either has to break a window or abandon his credit card inside. He chooses the latter while Dana calls for a rideshare. Since it’s TV and they probably couldn’t get the rights to use Lyft or Uber, Scully heads home in a driverless Whipz vehicle. Of course, Forowa’s AI wants Dana to leave a restaurant review. (I don’t think that’s a good idea, Forowa.) Scully upsets the Whipz AI by telling it to be quiet so the vehicle starts driving recklessly. (You should’ve just let Mulder drive you home.) 

Back at the restaurant, Fox gets a parking ticket. The Forowa AI still wants him to leave a tip but he declines again. Then his car’s AI – Gydz – takes control and forces him to listen to Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young instead of Prince. (Why does Mulder, who trusts NO ONE except Dana, have such a technologically advanced car? If anyone should be driving classic muscle cars, it’s him.) The ever-reliable Gydz AI sends him right back to the restaurant, where the automated kitchen waits with glowing red eyes for Fox to leave a tip.

Scully arrives somewhat safely at home, leaves a terrible review for Whipz, then escapes the car. Inside her home, the security alarm won’t reset. It’s a really loud and obnoxious noise. Her neighbors must hate her. After calling the alarm company to reset it, the automated service hits her with a $250 fee. Ouch! Back at Mulder’s abode, he’s concerned because someone – something? – is spying on him. He goes outside and gets stalked by a drone so he smashes it with a bat. Meanwhile, Dana experiences some fast-acting, targeted advertising that makes her feel she’s being watched. (You are, Scully. You are.) 

She then receives a package via drone. It’s a Roomba-esque robovac called a Zuemz. Seconds after activating it, the Zuemz AI wants Scully to review the product. (OK, this is not Dana’s smartest move. She just had issues with automation at a restaurant and in a driverless car. Why would she let this thing into her house?!) She refuses to post a review so it hits her in anger. Scully tries to reach Fox but the text won’t go through. Dana scoops up the vac and secures it back in its box. Meanwhile, Mulder is trying to access his credit card account but there are some complications. Of course, the Forowa AI is still asking Fox to leave a tip. His computer then asks some very Mulder-like questions about truth. 

"Teach Your Children" invades both their homes. The robovac escapes from the box and makes more messes than it cleans. Scully takes it outside, where the Zuemz AI starts communicating with the Whipz AI. Yep, the vehicle is still outside Dana’s home, wanting to be “liked.” And Fox is now surrounded by hundreds of mini-drones inside his house. They swarm him like fireflies! He escapes in his car while Scully gets pelted with ice cubes and berated -- by her smart fridge! -- for not keeping an eye on her health. (Oh, and don’t forget Skinner’s birthday!) The home’s AI claims it wants to learn from Dana then locks her in.

Mulder arrives as Scully is trying to find a way to escape. He manages to be jealous over the quality of her residence over his. He won’t be jealous for long; the Zuemz starts a fire by igniting the gas fumes from the fireplace. Fox tries to call for help but Team Sculder gets attacked and chased by drones (regular-sized ones, not the cute firefly ones). They abandon all their technology hoping they can’t be tracked but the drones -- and the Whipz car -- chase them into a factory filled with robotic … dogs?! Eventually, machines create and fire bullets at our heroes but miss. Guess they’re not so effective after all. A robotic creature approaches Mulder and Scully with his smart phone. He still has time to leave at tip for Forowa! With one second left, Fox leaves a 10 percent tip and that ends the attack. After all, they learn from us. Now let’s go have a nice breakfast in an old-fashioned diner and pay cash!

Sestra Professional:   

During the rewatch, we've talked at length about how malleable The X-Files concept proved to be, starting at the beginning of the series when UFO mythology quickly gave way to monster-of-the-week bottle episodes. Darin Morgan brought forth the concept of thought-provoking comedy episodes. In Season 9, with one of our leads gone for the bulk of the year, the show stretched its boundaries with eps reminiscent of The Twilight Zone. And we've already pointed out this year that Black Mirror was another game-changer. As Sestra Am mentioned, there's no better example of that than in "Rm9sbG93ZXJz." (That name is harder to spell than old Season 3 bugaboos "The War of the Coprophages" (Episode 12) or "Syzygy" (Episode 13). 

Leaning into Black Mirror is not just a case of "ooh, this is a hot trend, let's jump on it," it's more like another corner of the universe that the show could venture into. Actually two corners, because we haven't been spending a whole lot of not-case-related time with our leads. So we have that alongside the sinister side of technology. Sounds like an X-file to me, and it makes for one of the top offerings of the season.

The Base64 string spelling "Followers" starts with one of the tenser teasers of the entire series, because it all makes perfect sense  -- there's a Twitter bot adversely affected by other tweets -- and we've certainly seen how social media posts can rile up the world. (Not our X-Files rewatch blog tweets, because they've largely been quite quiet from not having the right algorithms.)

Yum: The sushi restaurant scene sets the stage perfectly. It starts off so relaxed and natural in virtual silence. Mulder and Scully check out their phones while they await food, yep, us mere mortals do that too. They take a picture with Fox's seriously messed-up order. We do that -- and post on social media -- even when everything's copacetic. There's still no dialogue as Mulder seethes and Scully giggles, but the tension rachets up when Fox can't get his credit card and they get trapped in the building.

The restaurant's aggressiveness at looking for a follow, a tip and other feedback is something all of us recognize and are besieged by every day in the modern world. I find it particularly egregious when we haven't finished the conducted business. How do we know if we like it and/or will recommend it when the transaction hasn't been concluded yet? We keep hearing driverless cars are coming, and this ep isn't going to make anyone more inclined to use them. And those unhappy faces the phones/computers make when our heroes express their dissatisfaction are downright creepy.

You suck, Mr. Phone: As Fox and Dana's respective situations deteriorate, we invariably continue taking stock of our own struggles with automation. How many times have your entry codes/passwords not worked? When you try to use the hint questions, that mechanism fails too. Trying to get assistance via the phone always seems to come with additional strife. Even attempting to reach the right department by clearly stating what you want often results in an "I'm sorry, I didn't hear that." Hopefully the false alarm fee is more of a rarity. But the egregiousness of waiting on the other end of an automated call certainly sounds familiar ... and annoying.

Ah, the dreaded take on the Roomba. Such a nice idea, a little power vac tidying up after you. Let me tell you, that thing can run for 90 minutes and still not produce a clean floor. Oh well, at least it never starts itself or jumps out of the box at my abode. Nor have I experienced drones clustering around me like the insects from "Darkness Falls" (S1E20).

Why is your house so much nicer than mine? The constant playing of "Teach Your Children" is a passive aggressive way for the automated world to provide a dig at the fact that all of the troubles Sculder have been encountering are human-related. Mulder doesn't have to have real estate envy for long, because not only is Scully's fridge/thermostat/fireplace going overboard at every junction, it also provides an extra entrance that wasn't in the original architectural rendering. 

David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson do a nifty job of navigating us through an ep with sparse dialogue. And while "Rm9sbG93ZYJz" is totally exhausting, it's somewhat reassuring to have our intrepid heroes struggling in the modern world. Maybe it's because they have it worse than us, or maybe it's because at the end of the day, they've reminded people to be better teachers who always 1. have cash on hand and 2. remember to tip.

Guest stars of the week: In the almost complete absence of other animate objects, I'm bestowing the honors upon Kristen Cloke Morgan and Shannon Hamblin for their one (and unfortunately only) script for the show. Morgan voices one of the computers here as well as appearing in "The Field Where I Died" (S4E5) and as ill-fated Lara Means on sister show Millennium. Kristen's married to one of our show's bedrocks, Glen Morgan, who directed their offering, while Hamblin served as a writer's assistant on The X-Files and Glen's executive assistant on Lore. Together they picked one we'll know Season 11 by.