X-Files S4E1: Droning on and on

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X-Files S3E24: Attack on the clones

Sestra Amateur: 

Is it just me or does the episode title "Talitha Cumi" sound a lot like a Jedi name? And did you see The Last Jedi last week? Back on point ... we have reached the end of Season 3, so let's get to it and through it. A man named Galen Muntz is in an Arlington, Virginia restaurant taking hostages. He’s grossly outnumbered and only has a six-shooter, but everyone complies with his orders. At least he lets the children leave. 

Jeremiah Smith, played by veteran actor Roy Thinnes, is the one brave soul who slowly approaches Muntz and tries to talk him down. He’s getting through to Galen but the SWAT team arrives extremely quickly and sets up outside. Muntz hears a police radio through the open front door and shoots three of the customers before SWAT takes him out. Jeremiah not only heals Galen’s chest wound, he cleans his white t-shirt better than any bleach pen could. Not sure which ability is handier.

Sculder arrive at the scene and learn all the shooting victims are no longer injured. The unnamed local detective doesn't have much to tell them. One of the victims shows Scully the bullet hole in his shirt – I guess Smith started half-assing the stain removal and clothing repair work at this point – and says Jeremiah told him he would be all right. Mulder interviews Muntz in the back of the patrol car, he claims a holy man healed him with the palm of his hand. Unfortunately, Smith left the scene. It’s not like they had any grounds to keep him there.

In Rhode Island, Cigarette Smoking Man meets with Teena Mulder and they tensely discuss things like water skiing and implied extra-marital affairs. When Cancer Man water skied in his younger days, do you think he did it with a lit cigarette in one hand? Their conversation gets more animated as someone discreetly takes pictures. Sculder continue their investigation in Virginia until Assistant Director Skinner calls with the news that Fox’s mother has been hospitalized.

Sculder race to the hospital and learn Teena suffered a stroke. She tries to communicate with Fox and writes “palm.” Mulder thinks there’s a connection between his mother’s condition and Jeremiah. The agents head back to Washington, D.C. and watch video footage of the crime scene from the local news. While reviewing the tape, they see Smith turn into someone else and disappear. Meanwhile, Jeremiah is hard at work at Social Security Administration when Cancer Man and his lackeys arrive. He quickly and quietly gets taken away, trussed up like Hannibal Lecter and left in a prison cell who knows where.

Mulder meets with Mr. X at the family summer house in Rhode Island. X shows him the photographs he took during Cancer Man and Teena’s argument. Think he ran over to the local Fotomat to get them developed? X takes credit for saving Teena’s life and claims CSM didn’t do anything to her. Fox denies knowing why his mother was at the house. Back at FBI headquarters, Scully meets with “Jeremiah,” who claims he doesn’t remember anything until he went to work the following day. 

Mulder waits until dark and starts searching the summer house. He thinks “palm” means “lamp,” so he starts breaking the lamps in the living room until he finds one that is hiding a silver ice pick-like weapon, you know, like the one from Colony (Season 2, Episode 16). Cancer Man meets with the incarcerated Smith, lectures him about “the project” and claims “the date is set.” Jeremiah then accomplishes the impossible by morphing into Deep Throat and rendering CSM speechless. Cancer Man regains his composure and leaves Smith in the cell.

After returning to the office, Mulder confronts Skinner about Cancer Man. He demands a name but the assistant director promptly points out “these men don’t have names.” Fox claims CSM is trying to kill Jeremiah, but Dana tells him Smith came to the office the day before and is already back at work. This would have been one of those days where cell phones might have made things a little easier for our intrepid heroes, Scully could have – and frankly should have -- told him Jeremiah came to the office already. And Mulder should have told Dana what he found at his mother’s before confronting Walter about it. 

Sculder ask Jeremiah to come with them, but he morphs into another person and disappears. Cancer Man goes back to Smith’s cell to taunt him again. After some mediocre name calling and a couple of ciggies, Jeremiah gets the upper hand by claiming CSM is suffering from lung cancer. Cancer Man denies it. Meanwhile, another Jeremiah arrives at the prison and morphs into the Alien Bounty Hunter from "Colony'! ("Boba Fett? Boba Fett? Where?") And, of course, he has another silver weapon with him.

At the Providence hospital, Fox learns his mother may not regain consciousness. CSM shows up outside Teena’s room and Mulder yanks the cigarette right out of his mouth. Fox also threatens to shoot him, but for some reason, the cigarette thing seems more ballsy. Cancer Man claims Teena called him to try and locate Samantha. Mulder leaves without shooting CSM or giving him back his cigarette. In the meantime, Scully is researching Jeremiah Smith and finds several versions of him. This time, she tries to call Mulder but his phone has no service. 

Mr. X surprises Mulder and demands the silver weapon. He also claims they’ll kill Fox to get it back. X's stunt double decides to fight Mulder’s stunt double for it. They stop punching and hold each other at gunpoint. X claims Fox is a dead man. Scully returns home and Jeremiah Smith comes a-calling. He claims she spoke to an imposter and also says he has information for Mulder about Samantha. Fox and Dana arrange a meeting in an abandoned factory. With Mulder holding the weapon on him, Jeremiah explains he has a long and complicated story to tell. (More complicated than the first three seasons of The X-Files??? Doubtful.) Fox really wants Jeremiah to go see Teena, but the Alien Bounty Hunter arrives and slowly approaches them. ... Maybe he’ll tell them what the hell "Talitha Cumi" means. May the force be with you, Sculder!

Sestra Professional:

Sestra Am is such a Star Wars fan that it's not surprising she sees Jedi in her breakfast eggs, particularly since The Last Jedi is already on everyone's lips. But there's also something to be said for getting that vibe from "Talitha Cumi." 

Just a couple tidbits from the initial investigation of the fast-food crime scene. "There's not a man here who can tell you what happened," unnamed detective says. Maybe we can ask the women? ... And never one to want to let a Mulder moment of skepticism pass, he looked particularly dubious when the suspect explained he was healed by the palm of someone's hand.

I've repressed it all: Teena and Cancer Man's conversation was certainly interesting, but I think X jumps the proverbial gun a little by deeming it wasn't CSM's fault. She was looking pretty strong and healthy during the argument through the lens finder. Her swift illness always comes off as jarring, but juxtapose that against all the victims from the teaser who walked out without a scratch and it makes quite an impression.

X continues to get pretty testy for an informant, baiting Fox with lines like "surely you were aware they knew each other." I think that might have come up before in conversation if he did. (Although it's funny Mulder can jump from "palm" to "lamp" with ease, but never picked up on the fact his mama knew his nemesis.) Not to mention the fact that X is constantly showing violent tendencies against those he's allegedly attempting to help.

This episode provides a lot of good two-person conversations/discussions/fights. Jeremiah was holding his own against CSM before he even pulled the Deep Throat switcheroo. Cancer Man spews the governmental party line about how Americans are tired of waiting for miracle and mystery and have put their faith in science. Smith gets a hit by countering that CSM may have the means but he has no right to make such grandiose decisions for the world at large.

You live in fear: When CSM states "the date is set," don't you have new understanding for what Sculder go through? It's pretty frustrating to hear vague statements like that. But then the low blow -- Jeremiah morphs into Deep Throat. Not that we mind one bit, it's a blast to see Cancer Man unnerved for a change. Smith gives as good as he gets even better in Deep Throat guise -- the lung cancer diagnosis is just the shutdown line.

Like Chris Carter always says, no one ever is really gone in The X-Files universe. As Jerry Hardin returned as Deep Throat, so has Brian Thompson as the Bounty Hunter. This guy exudes creepiness and doesn't have to memorize any words. The stiletto weapon has more dialogue than he does -- we once discussed how co-producer Paul Rabwin's recording of "pfft" became the sound for the weapon popping up when the perfect sound effect couldn't be found for it.

You want to smoke on this: Mulder gets to have confrontations with both Cancer Man and X. I'd say the former went a little better than the latter, and not just because of the previously mentioned obvious stunt doubles. But this still becomes one of those frustrating times when Fox has his man at his fingertips. He makes us go "yeah, Mulder" while ultimately not really accomplishing much. His relationship with his informer seems very tenuous. "I oughta shoot you anyway after everything I've given you" and "You're a dead man, Agent Mulder, one way or the other" -- these are words you just don't want to hear from the guy who you're putting all your stock in.

And nothing else metas: Even though the bulk of the Mulder-X confrontation was obviously done by stunt doubles, Steven Williams did hurt his shoulder during filming of that scene, according to the official third-season episode guide. ... We also find out in the guide that the water-skiing reference was an inside joke about William B. Davis' championship skill in the field. ... Roy Thinnes was brought to the show's attention by David Duchovny, who saw him on a plane around the time this one was being written, according to The Complete X-Files. ... And wonder no more, the episode guide informs us the title comes from the Aramaic story "Arise Maiden," a story about the healing of a young girl. 

Guest star of the week: Thinnes brings such weight to his role(s) as Jeremiah. It can't be understated how much value that provides to the show. He's able to unsettle the otherwise unflappable CSM, seemingly without raising his pulse rate. By being so strong and forthright, he's able to convey the sense that good can triumph over evil. And with Deep Throat no longer among the living, that's so important when our leads aren't really sure what's going on as they're still in the dark, at least one step behind the action.

X-Files S3E23: Scully, is there something wrong?

Sestra Amateur: 

According to Urban Dictionary, wet-wire refers to “new neural connections being created within the brain.” Its best pop-culture example is Johnny Mnemonic, a movie I recommend only when I want to torture people who enjoy Keanu Reeves’ action movies. (Oh, you enjoyed The Matrix and Speed? Then I’m sure you’ll love Johnny Mnemonic…) This is Mat Beck’s one writing contribution to The X-Files, but he handled visual effects on over 100 X-Files episodes as well as other projects that span 30 years of my TV and movie time: The Abyss, Titanic, The Vampire Diaries, Game of Thrones. Can you imagine being the go-to effects guy for Chris Carter, Kevin Williamson and James Cameron? Too bad the closest thing he has to a Star Wars credit is Spaceballs. OK, let’s get wetwired. 

It’s late at night in Maryland and Joseph Patnik is digging a grave. He drags an unconscious man into the hole and starts to bury him. While Joe is cleaning up afterward at home, the unconscious man – now conscious and very clean considering he should be covered with blood and dirt – walks right up to an astonished Joe. Patnik kills the man again, but before he can rebury the body the police arrive. Unfortunately, both officers look exactly like the man so Joe attacks them too. One of the officers subdues him with a Taser and now Joe can see the officer looks nothing like the man. It turns out the man Patnik just killed in the kitchen is actually his wife Sarah.

Two days later, Mulder is having a clandestine meeting with the Plain-Clothed Man. He tells him to investigate Patnik but won’t say who sent him. Turns out, Joe killed five people before he was stopped. Concerned by the man’s assertion that the deaths will continue, Fox contacts Scully and they meet at the psychiatric hospital the next morning. The agents are talking with Dr. Stroman about the case when Joe freaks out while watching TV and has to be restrained. Why would they allow him to watch cable news about a man wanted for war crimes in Yugoslavia instead of a nice, soothing program like Barney and Friends?  

Sculder continue the investigation at the Patnik residence, where they find a couple of truant burglars who have good taste in snacks and movies. (Hey Sestra – “We’re gonna need more FBI guys.”) The TV loses cable and Mulder notices a cable guy working on the lines outside. Scully finds a cabinet filled with meticulously organized VHS tapes of recorded cable news. She and Fox take the tapes back to their hotel rooms and zip through them to see whether there is a connection. Dana finds one – of course – between dates of Lladoslav Miriskovic footage and Joe’s known murders. Did I mention that the man Joe saw during each murder was Miriskovic? Some would consider that an important piece of information.

Sculder debate the link between violence on TV and violent behavior. Fox even throws in a “Must-See TV” dis, which when this episode aired during Spring 1996 consisted of Friends (must-see), Boston Common (must-not-see), Seinfeld (must-see), Caroline in the City (must-not-see) and ER (for me, must-see on DVD). Scully keeps watching the tapes late into the night and listens to Mulder’s half of a phone conversation through the motel-room wall. She goes out for ice and sees Fox having a delightful conversation in his car with the Cigarette-Smoking Man. Dana watches Mulder hand him one of the videotapes. Maybe it was just a copy of The Happy Hooker Goes to Washington.

The next day, Helene Riddock is washing dishes and watching a game show when she starts seeing weird glitchy images in the dish soap, then the kitchen, no doubt Mat Beck’s visual handiwork. She looks out the window and gets perturbed when she sees a woman straddling Helene’s husband on a hammock. Helene takes a shotgun and … boom! Sculder head to the new crime scene. Scully notes there’s no ashes in their car’s ashtray, but she’s still suspicious because the car was moved. 

The agents learn the blonde with the victim was actually their golden retriever. You know, even if it was a woman, that’s not enough incentive to shoot him with a shotgun. Sculder also note that Helene was a big fan of the Home Shopping Network; she lives in tchotchke hell. Her videotape collection is not nearly as well organized as Joe’s. Mulder sees cable guy working on the Riddock’s lines and tries to stop him, the man gets away. Fox then climbs the pole and removes a piece of equipment that doesn’t match the others. Mulder thinks it’s a cable trapper scrambler. Scully wants to take it to their lab for analysis but Fox says he’ll do it. Instead, he takes it to The Lone Gunmen who verify it’s emitting some type of signal. Subliminal? 

Dana gets more paranoid after a phone call with Mulder. It doesn’t help that Fox claims he had the evidence analyzed when Scully knows their lab guy never saw it. Dana hears clicks on her phone and hangs up. She also tears apart her room looking for bugs. The listening devices, not the little critters we expect to see in every motel room. Mulder finally returns and knocks on her door, but Scully is so far gone that she shoots several times. Luckily she’s a bad shot today. It’s just like you always say, Fox: Trust no one.

Mulder calls Dana’s mother and tattles that she ran away. Considering Dana was abducted for several months and Melissa was murdered, you’d think Fox would have found a better way of relaying that information. Skinner arrives at the scene and Mulder tries to explain how Scully is suffering from paranoid psychosis brought on by the signals embedded in the videotapes. Walter wants proof, even though you’d think her shooting at Fox supports his theory. Skinner convinces Mulder to find her first so Fox reaches out to Mr. X. The Lone Gunmen tell him the device is a form of mind control. Turns out Mulder might be immune because he is red/green color-blind. Man, so Freddy Krueger’s sweater is just one bland grey garment to Mulder? And what about traffic lights? 

Fox gets a call that State Police may have found Scully’s body. Plain-Clothed Man intercepts Mulder at the coroner’s office to berate him for letting evidence get destroyed while he searches for his partner. Luckily, the body is not Dana's – Gillian was still under contract so we knew it was unlikely. Fox figures Scully is at her mom’s house and goes to see her, but Dana holds him at gunpoint and blames him for everything that has happened to her since she joined the X-Files. Mulder tries to convince her she is the only person he trusts. But Margaret is the one who is finally able to reach Dana.

At the hospital, after Scully gets de-paranoid (OK, it’s not a word but I like the sound of it), she and Fox discuss the triggers for all of the victims. Mulder learns Dana had high serotonin levels in her system that could have led to her manic behavior. Fox calls Dr. Stroman at Joe’s hospital, but he’s already gone. Mulder checks his empty hotel room and learns Cancer Man may have been there. He traces Stroman's phone number and watches the doctor meet with the cable guy. Fox hears shots inside the house and finds both men dead. 

Mr. X has cleaned up the loose ends, provides a teeny bit of exposition and leaves even though Mulder’s pointing a gun at him. As X said, Fox made his choice. Clearly, he won’t pull the trigger. One week later, Sculder give their final report to the assistant director. It's not complete ... and Skinner knows it. Meanwhile, X meets with Cancer Man to give his own wrapup. It’s not complete … and CSM knows it. 

Sestra Professional:

X-Philes cling to Mulder telling Scully she's the only one he trusts with every thing they have, but the way he asks her if something's wrong has infinite charm as well. How can anything so wrong be so right?

This is no Johnny Mnemonic and I give major props to Mat Beck for that. Usually he gets those for providing incredible visual effects under TV constraints, but here he's crafted a crackling stand-alone show. It doesn't seem to get mentioned often on best-of lists, but rest assured, it fits securely in The X-Files wheelhouse and really deserves more due. 

The teaser is outta sight and the episode doesn't let up much from there. The message about our over-reliance on television really hits home. Nowadays, we can probably extend that analogy to the internet and YouTube. And now my paranoia is reaching Mulder proportions.

I appreciated the little conversation between Fox and Plain-Clothed Man. Since Deep Throat bit the dust, sources just aren't willing to go on the record with Mulder anymore. PCM's very cavalier about inducing Mulder to make a choice -- even though he's just there at X's request. And the agent is understandably tired of being jerked around without ever getting all the information he needs to do his job. Even so, we know Day Player's attitude won't keep him from meeting the fate he's determined to avoid.

Not even must-see TV could do that to you: The ante gets upped very quickly for our heroes. Usually, we watch guest stars go through those paces, and then at the end maybe Sculder finds themselves in peril for a similar reason. But Scully quickly discerns that television reports on Bosnia triggered the teaser guy's behavior, and in trying to prove her own theory, she unwittingly becomes a victim. How could the stakes be raised higher than her thinking she sees Mulder handing over evidence to the Cancer Man? Well, Dana shooting at Fox would certainly be one way.

Gillian Anderson's performance is right on target in this episode. Love the way she's showing us Scully's doubts about Mulder when she actually doesn't get to voice them for most of the episode. She hits some notes she doesn't usually get to play on the show. In fact, she's kind of taking on David Duchovny's role on an even more heightened level. Anderson just feasts upon the opportunity.

Fifty-seven channels of mind control: "Wetwired" also provides a perfect scenario for The Lone Gunman to figure into the mix, distilling all that information to Mulder -- and us, in turn -- about what subliminal information might be inserted between still pictures of television transmissions. In fact, it's making me even more suspicious. I'll try to focus on the cool distorted static effect the episode uses to delineate the alternate reality instead.

I'm not sure making Mulder red-green color blind to distinguish why he doesn't get affected is the way to go -- how has he been delineating blood at crime scenes all these years if he can't tell for sure? Couldn't the reason he wasn't overwhelmed just have been that he was fast-forwarding tapes while Scully watched them all the way through?

Scully, you are the only one I trust: But back to Fox uttering the words that show how far our leads have come in three years. Dana's holding him at gunpoint and blaming him for everything that's gone wrong, yet Mulder doesn't even flinch. He will do absolutely anything he can to convince her that she's the most trusted person in his life. It's a well-earned moment.

Lest this episode just give Anderson juicy material to feast upon, Duchovny also gets a robust scene with X near the end. Mulder ponders whether the lost evidence will be used to influence a great God-fearing nation's commerce and politics. X retorts that it probably wouldn't stop there. And that's when Fox gets to mouth off and voice everyone's concerns. Why is it that X continues to feed him scraps, risking Sculder's lives when he never will do likewise with his own?

And then an episode resplendent with clandestine meetings ends with one between Cigarette Smoking Man and X, which feels like a treat since it's something we don't get to see often. If I was X, I probably would have just gone with "that person has been eliminated" and not pointed out another source remains unknown. X isn't doing himself any favors, even in the shadows. 

This day in meta: Wait? All the Plain-Clothed Man's scenes were supposed to be X's? According to the official third-season episode guide, Steven Williams was filming his other series, L.A. Heat, and unavailable to handle the earlier scenes of the ep. ... Speaking of Williams, he really enjoyed the final "Wetwired" scene. "These two guys; you don't where they stand with each other. Who is the subordinate in that duo?" he pondered in The Complete X-Files. ... Continuity error alert! Scully fires six rounds at the hotel-room door, but Skinner later says it's four. Maybe he's just gotten another incomplete report. 

Guest star of the week: Zinaid Memisevic sells the teaser so well as variations of the war criminal that we are at a fever-pitch level before Sculder even get on the scene. Or was it merely conveyed to me in the transmission that Memisevic wasn't listed in the end credits and I needed to remedy the situation? Well, either way, he really set the pace in a supercharged episode.


 

X-Files S3E22: Killing some time, more or Ness

Sestra Amateur: 

Spoiler alerts: Darth Vader is Luke’s father, the Planet of the Apes is actually Earth and Queequeg dies. Most of you may not even remember Queequeg, considering how infrequently we saw the dog after Scully inherited him during "Clyde Bruckman’s Final Repose" (Season 3, Episode 4). He made a brief cameo in "War of the Coprophages: (Season 3, Episode 12) but that’s about it. The lesson to be learned here: if you hang on to your dog’s leash, he may live through the episode.

Dr. Paul Farraday, a biologist working at Heuvelmans Lake in the Blue Ridge Mountains of Georgia, is fighting for the survival of a soon-to-be-extinct breed of frog. His cohort Dr. William Bailey pooh-poohs Paul’s theory of frog depopulation and tries to leave but gets dragged into the lake and dies. Guess Bill Bailey won’t be coming home. ... Sculder -- with Queequeg in tow -- head to Georgia to investigate Dr. Bailey’s “disappearance.” Allegedly, Dana exhausted all other options for doggy day care except actual doggy day care. 

Bailey was a federal employee so the FBI has jurisdiction. This is the second disappearance in the area so Mulder’s interest has been piqued. Oh, did I forget to mention there’s a Loch Ness Monster-type serpent named Big Blue living in the lake? Sculder meet with Dr. Farraday, who clearly favors frogs over Bailey. He also doesn’t believe in Georgia’s version of Nessie. The agents end up at a bait-and-tackle shop where an inflated dinosaur seems to be humping the shack. They talk to some locals about Big Blue but don’t get any useful intel.

Meanwhile, a fisherman has caught something big. It’s probably not a shark and not just because we don’t hear John Williams’s memorable two-note score. It’s the second missing person, Scott Moosley. More accurately, it’s half of him. Dana tries to convince Fox that fish probably ate Scott’s other half. It seems like a ludicrous theory when you see what’s left of Moosley. For all they know, it could have been a boating accident, with a propeller blade cutting him right in half. (Say Hooper’s line from Jaws, Sestra. You know you want to.) 

Later that night, the bait-shop owner is trying to make it look like Nessie has been wandering around the woods. He gets stuck and then attacked and dragged into the lake. Luckily, his giant fake dinosaur foot is left behind. The next morning Mulder meets with a local photographer and the local sheriff refused to close the lake for Scully. The photographer is convinced he’ll get a picture of Big Blue. I guess that’s his white whale, like aliens are to Fox. Dana points out the foot impressions would be deeper with a large creature like Big Blue. Just when Scully starts to make sense again, Queequeg alpha-males her away from the scene and directly to the dinosaur foot. Dana finally scores a hoax point.

Back at the lake, a stoner and a chick -- the same pair from "War of the Coprophages" -- are talking about the hallucinatory effects of toad licking when they see a snorkeler get attacked in the lake. He comes up for air … but it’s just his head, so I don’t think air is going to help at this point. Still didn’t hear the Jaws theme so maybe it’s Orca instead. Did she have her own score? Scully thinks this body suffered damage from the propeller of a motorboat. Right logical idea, wrong time, Dana. 

The photographer sets a trap for Nessie, but Nessie -- or something -- gets the jump on him. Are we supposed to be rooting for the humans or the creature in this one? The sheriff still refuses to close the lake, but gets yanked into the water when he tries to remove the photographer’s inner-tube bait trap. That’s more than enough to wake up the sheriff and get him to finally close the lake. The episode takes a turn toward Jaws 2 when Chief Brody – sorry, Mulder – gets the photographer’s film developed and thinks he sees a picture of a large tooth. Scully walks Queequeg – for the last time. He takes off and gets attacked by something. Dana reels in his leash and comes back with his torn dog collar. Rest in pieces, Queequeg.

Mulder determines Big Blue has been moving closer to shore, thanks to Dr. Farraday’s frog repopulation. Sculder go back to mimicking the original Jaws story by going out on a boat a la Brody and Hooper to look for the creature. Modern technology alerts them to its presence. Jaws rams the boat and it springs a leak. Scully gets on the radio to call for help and I half-expected Mulder to smash it with a bat, like Quint does near the end of Jaws.

The boat sinks, Sculder are trapped on a rock and Scully laments the loss of their $500 deposit. Dana confesses she sees Fox’s pathetic future in the photographer’s desperate attempts to locate Big Blue. He thinks Scully should appreciate the fact that they could finally find a tangible creature in Nessie. Mulder builds a fire and asks Dana her views on cannibalism. I don’t think you’re going to be out there that long, Fox. 

Sculder’s deep discussion while trapped on the rock could have been interesting insight into Brody and Hooper’s never-heard conversation after Brody killed the shark and they paddled on the barrels back to land. But this isn’t the ocean, it’s just a lake. And the agents get “rescued” by Farraday, who just walks over to their rock. Turns out they’re right next to the shoreline.

Mulder tries to convince the sheriff to search their immediate area but the sheriff is convinced they’ll find Big Blue on the other side of the lake. The creature then takes a bite out of Farraday, now he’s Kelly the water skier from Jaws 3. If anyone suggests this creature has a personal vendetta then I’m out of here. Fox goes looking for it while Dana treats the sheriff. Mulder gets attacked and shoots at the creature several times. It’s not Big Blue or Jaws or Orca. It’s just a plain old alligator and not even an oversized freak of nature one like in Robert Forster’s movie Alligator. Sorry, Mulder. An understanding Scully and a disappointed Mulder leave Heuvelmans Lake … and Big Blue finally makes an appearance when there’s no one left to see her. 

Sestra Professional:

I can't even summon the energy to say "This was no boating accident" or hum an increasing ominous Jaws theme. I'm stuck in this "Quagmire."
 

I'll say this much, we got a quick payoff in the teaser. No sooner is Bill Bailey warned that he can't turn his back on nature or nature will turn her back on him, then he is dragged into the water by our unseen villain. Writer Kim Newton (whose only other credit for the show is "Revelations," the 11th episode this season) also hits a beat from Jurassic Park with this turn of events before the titles.

Oh, tell me you're not serious: It seems a little on the silly side for Mulder and Scully to be on this case. I'll have to agree with the one-note biologist who thinks Big Blue only serves as "fodder for pseudo-scientists to chase fairy tales." And really, no one considers the possibility of an alligator? Cause they're not known for being able to inflict that kind of damage in and out of lakes. At least posit a reason why it couldn't be that.

Has anyone ever told you two you have a great problem coming to the point? This particular line sounds like the work of Darin Morgan. He's credited here as "story editor," but is known to have penned Sculder's famed "Conversation on the Rock." I consider it the least of his achievements on the series to date (although the way the agents are eventually found just feet from shore sounds more like his wheelhouse). But the shipper fan base was so mesmerized by that scene that there are COTR T-shirts ... and Gillian Anderson donned one at a comic con.

Barring the entertainment value of Queequeg's demise -- that was seriously funny, I'm still not sure whether that was intentional or not -- the Convo on the Grotto proves to be the most interesting part of the episode, giving David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson a chance to stretch the Sculder relationship. Up until this point, it was all about Fox shooting down Dana's theories with ease. It's just a folk tale, Scully says. To which Mulder retorts, how many folk tales do you know that can eat a Boy Scout and a biologist? Then Dana explains we eat fish and fish eat us, which leads Fox to question whether fish are also known for eating half and saving half for later. 

We do get the return of the stoner couple -- and that again seems to herald Morgan's handiwork in the episode since, as Sestra Am pointed out, they were originally in the roach episode earlier this season. While it's fun to see them again, they're basically just sucking up air time like it was airplane glue. 

The truth or a white whale, what difference does it make? And that's what the Prattle on the Pebble ultimately feels like too. Dana extends more Moby Dick-isms, deeming Fox to be Ahab for going too far to trying to prove his theories. But Mulder considers himself the antithesis of Ahab, backing that up by revealing his latent desire to have a pegleg since childhood. It all seems as glossy as the moon on the lake surface. I dunno, maybe COTR ultimately is just a litmus test of whether or not you're a shipper. I already knew my answer, but thanks for backing that up.

If it knows how to do anything, it knows how to hide: So after going through all that and admittedly a bit of a terrifying life-or-death scramble at the end, Fox admits that he wanted Big Blue to be real because he sees hope in that possibility. Does Scully concede that "people want to believe" because she wants to soothe him after he almost became the full course to the Queequeg appetizer? Because Newton's line is in direct opposition to Morgan's dialogue for her during Cold Shoulder on the Boulder. And to either add insult to injury or make it better -- I'm not sure which -- the monster of Mulder's dreams surfaces at the end.

To extend Sestra Am's various Jaws analogies, the meta on "Quagmire" also harkens back to the filming of the original movie. In the official third-season guide, visual effects producer Mat Beck admitted that the lake monster looked like "a rubber thing" in the water. "When we saw the actual footage it was like, 'Uh, that's not gonna work," he said. Spielberg thankfully didn't have the technology to solve his problem the way the show was able to, with a computer-generated Big Blue.

And the show had to walk a fine line with the death of Queequeg since audiences are known for having adverse reactions to such occurrences. According to the episode guide, the writers had been looking for a way to take out the canine all season. "You can kill a legion of men and women, but no dogs," creative consultant Vince Gilligan said. "People go nuts." So no offense intended from laughter at his demise, I love doggos. Just ask my husky, Cody.